All Reviews
1 Star
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Groundbreaking Incompetence in Movie HistoryHave you ever seen a bad movie and wonder to yourself, 'how the hell could they have made something so horrendous'? I constantly asked myself this question throughout my viewing of The Bourne Legacy. ...more
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While this isn't a horrendous movie, I can't say I had fun with it because there simply isn't too much to enjoy about it.So, for some odd reason Hollywood decided to remake another Arnie film, this time through (obviously) Total Recall. I am very fond of the original 1990 film, it's not a cinematic masterpiece or anythi...more
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Total waste.Total Recall only proves that if a Blade Runner remake was to happen, it'd never work. Science-fiction films from back in the day, ones that became instant-classics, don't deserve to be touched upon a...more
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The 2012 remake "Total Recall" is an absolute mess, that is not only confusing, but extremely hard to follow. It has some memorable action set-pieces. But with mediocre performances and a terrible script the action is forgettable as was the film itselfNow usually when i think of a "remake" the story and plot typically resembles its original in some way shape or form. Well i guess we live in a new decade where that does not happen. This latest Total...more
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Paranormal Activity had a one night stand with Walking with Dinosaurs and called Snakes on a Plane for a threesome...Area 407 is a 2012 horror sci-fi movie. Directed by: Dale Fabrigar and Everette Wallin Starring: Nobody important I know what your thinking. "Really man? You spen...more
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Thanks to the lack-luster amount of humor and the poorly-written script, The Watch does nothing other than rely on the faces of the actors hoping that their names attached to the project alone will be the solution to bringing in the money."Got Protection?" How about something better? 2012 has had a pretty great run of somewhat memorable comedies. Two stick out the most, being "21 Jump Street" and Seth MacFarlane...more
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... This is an incredibly weak "film" and a sorry excuse for a doc*mentary. "A PIECE OF ME", or, "A SEMBLANCE OF ME", would have been more appropriate titles..."I wanna see your peac*ck, c*ck, c*ck; your peac*ck, c*ck. Your peac*ck, c*ck. Come on, baby; let me see, what you're hiding underneath. . . Don't be a chicken, boy; stop acting like a 'bee-yotch', I'...more
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... "I have orgasms. . . Chon, has wargasms." Yes. This is an actual line from the film. No. It is not played for laughs..."I have orgasms. . . Chon, has wargasms." Yes. This is an actual line from the film. No. It is not played for laughs. And Shakespeare wept. . . When a ...more
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Will Someone Please Send Luc Besson to a Decent Writing ClassCheck it: The year is 2079. A CIA operative, named Snow is held captive on susp*cion of selling government secrets, is forced to gain access into a maximum security penitentiary, which is set in Space...more ( Short Review: 56 words )
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Disaster written all over itThere are generally two kinds of movies. One is that which will entertain to the best that lacks a strong plot and great lead cast. Another is one with, a good plot and some terrific lead roles. Wrath...more
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... Without a doubt in my mind, it is one of the sloppiest films of recent memory built upon the glory of Hollywood, profit and a massive budget; not a love for the art of filmmaking and storytelling...***While I've purposefully left many plot points vague, be warned, POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD*** When ALIEN first hit silver screens, I doubt Ridley knew what he had accomplished. While a cri...more
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What is this sh*te?Clichés run amuck in this genre in particular, namely why, because it's a multi divertible genre that has leagues and attachments galore. What this film presumably tried to run with was, it's a ne...more
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"It's aggressively un-Disney, but unfortunately, that works against this shockingly awful fantasy film."I never thought Disney could get it so wrong. But they did. The Black Cauldron is quite possibly, the worst film to come from the house of mouse. It's aggressively un-Disney, but unfortunately, that w...more
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"Campy, it's silly, and painfully un-watchable."What a mess! Push is easily one of the worst action films I've ever seen! Between flat and unlikable characters to dull action, Push gets just about everything wrong. It's campy, it's silly, and painf...more
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"I hope you like fart jokes because G-Force has a lot of them."I hope you like fart jokes because G-Force has a lot of them. G-Force fails in almost every respect, and will only entertain children. Small children. G-Force is about three guinea pigs w...more
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"It's not unwatchable, it's just very boring."For a film that's supposed to be based off a true story, the whole film feels as fake as the many prosthetic tales made for the star of the film; a dolphin named Winter. The movie is abou...more ( Short Review: 261 words )
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Sinks twenty tousand leagues under the sea..Before "Call of Duty" and other military-based video-games took over the at-home entertainment field, there were board-games. Yes, that's right; they are not an old legend or myth, just out-of-style c...more
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Worst EverAs a user of this forum I could not believe how this movie did not reflect anything relating to a squirrel, or a boy. I thought I had found the most cutting edge squirrelboy combination of explosions,...more ( Short Review: 73 words )
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... It's taken something that could have been beautiful in its own naturalism and contorted it into a childish mess. It's taken a real event and made it into a stage play; it's taken real chimps and made them into a cast of performing characters...Meet Oscar. He's a chimpanzee that dwells in a jungle, gorges upon fruits, nuts and insects and plays well with others. Little does he know that such a simple life will soon be completely altered by e...more