"Wocka Wocka Wocka, who wants to hear a funny ass joke?"
This episode nearly gave me a seizure last night, so I felt that it deserved some praise.
There are two main plots that run throughout this episode, the first of which follows Peter and Chris. When Chris arrives to Mr. Herbert's house, as usual, to deliver his morning paper, he finds that his services are no longer needed. Chris' route is being taken over by a kid named Kyle, who bullies Chris and ends up kicking his ass. Chris arrives home and Lois and Peter agree Peter should go and have a talk with Kyle's parents. Upon arrival, Kyle treats Peter the same way he treats Chris, teasing him and calling him names. Peter loses his cool though, and beats the crap out of Kyle. Upon his return home after beating up a child, he briefly converses with Brian, who senses something is up. Upon questioning Peter if something is wrong, Peter responds, "Nope, everything is fine. There may be some problems later, but, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Peter hears the phone ringing, so he runs outside and hides up in a tree. An irate Lois arrives outside, screaming at Peter about the seriousness of his actions, to which Peter replies, "I'm going to prison aren't I?"
Peter ends up avoiding prison time upon apologizing to Kyle. The two begin to play LEGOS together and relate their bullying experiences with one another. Peter realizes its fun to be a bully, so he starts bullying all his friends and family. He strings up Joe like a marionette and forces him to yodel. He chases Meg around the kitchen farting on her until she throws up. He eventually realizes bullying his friends and family isn't the way to go, but bullying those who used to bully him is the right thing to do. Peter confronts his old bully, Randy, who is now disabled, and claims him and Chris are going to kick the shit out of him, calling it an "old fashioned father-son beat off." Chris manages to stand up to Peter before he beats a cripple, thus solving his problem of not standing up to bullies. This storyline is hilarious. It inspires so many jokes. One of which may just be the funniest analogies I have ever heard. Upon Peters first meeting with Kyle parents, he muses that Chris and Kyle's relationship is akin to that of an old man and a midget. Cut scene to an old man and a midget on a bus bench. The old man is eying the midget with suspicion. The midget grows tired of the old mans stares, saying, "Sir, would you please stop staring at me?" to which the old man replies, "Where's the rest of ya?!" I nearly died when I first saw this. It was just a perfect example of two people not getting along, and it made me nearly piss myself.
The second plotline of this story involves Stewie. At the beginning of the episode we find Joe, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire all enjoying a game of golf. Stewie is strapped in a papoose to the front of Peter, and with no sun screen on during a 100 degree day Stewie is left a little bronzed. Stewie delights in his new color and thus becomes "Tan Stewie". Tan Stewie is the man. He lays out all day in his "recumbent tan pose" drinking TAB. He has tan parties with all manner of tan people. He develops a tan walk and berates Brian for his whiteness. Tan Stewie couldn't be happier. Tan Stewie naturally gets a tanning bed, but when Brian forgets to wake Stewie up one day and he is left in the booth for 6 hours, he emerges from the bed, burnt to a crisp. I laughed so hard at this part. Groaning in agony, Stewie tries to walk and just falls flat on his back. It's just so damn funny.
Stewie eventually peels and cites that his tanning days are over, and that he's glad he got out of it before he did any real damage to his skin. However, Brian points out a mole on Stewie that they had never noticed before. Brian and Stewie head to the Doctors office to get it checked out. The doctor says it will be a few days before they get the results, but Stewie is convinced he is going to die. He asks Brian to help him fulfill his last wishes, one of which is a trip to the Chicago Museum of Art. The scene is an allusion to the famous scene with Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and it's just as cool in cartoon version. He also asks Brian if he would write down his final thoughts. This inspires one of the stupidest and funniest monologues I have ever heard. Brian seemingly pens down every word, but when the call comes from the Dr. and they find out that Stewie doesn't have cancer, Brian reveals his "writings". Throughout Stewies final thoughts, Brian was just drawing a picture of himself dead, hanging from a tree, to which Stewie replies, "You are just the worst type of person." The way Stewie delivers the line is perfect. I use this on my buddies all the time and its one of my favorite quotes from the show.
This is definitely in my Top 10 favorite Family Guy episodes. It just gets funnier and funnier as it progresses. There are a handful of mindless jokes, as with every Family Guy episode, but even they are pretty funny. Like I said, I nearly went into convulsions from laughing so hard last night. It has everything. It has a healthy dosing of Herbert the old pedophile, one of my favorite characters on the show. Some classic lines from him in this episode are, "What's going on in my pants? Looks like six more weeks of winter!" and "Come on now fellas. We can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenagers. Whoever swallows the most Tylenol PM wins!" The context in which these lines are delivered will have you rolling. The episode has a plethora of pop-culture references. From Gremlins to Brokeback Mountain to the Muppets, everything is made a mockery of perfectly. There's even a cameo by Don Knotts, which if you're a Threes Company fan at all, will have you dying from laughter. It's just a genius episode and proves how funny this show really is: one of the best.
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