Team America: World Police (2005)

Pan & Scan Edition DVD

If you're a fan of South Park, you'll instantly love this film. If you're not a fan of South Park, I think you'll still find yourself loving this. The only people I can imagine not enjoying this movie are hot-shot actors like Sean Penn.

The movie, from the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, rallies around a group of young, all-American "heroes" who are out to save the world from terrorism. The punch-line is that they usually cause more harm than good, themselves. When the team halts a group of terrorists from setting off a WMD in Paris, they uncover a larger plot involving North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Il and a group of actors eyeing to use WMDs on major cities across the world. The director of the team, Spottswoode, recruits a talented Broadway actor, Gary, to act his way into terrorist hot spots. He quickly must deal with the pain of guilt and finding love.

The plot is actually complex for a film that involves puppets as the stars and I had a hard enough time summarizing it into that paragraph above. Matt and Trey have crafted an action-packed ride from beginning to end that satirizes Michael Bay-blockbusters. The sheer ridiculousness that is presented in most action movies is made even more ridiculous when done through puppets, but here's the kicker...it isn't that far apart. Action scenes in this aren't any more un-realistic than the ones you'd see in a Bruckheimer-production, it's just made out to be funnier because of, again, puppets.

The jokes and one-liners presented throughout the movie will literally have you shitting yourself, because in the end, we are, after all, just assholes. Matt and Trey do what they're best at, and that's ripping the hell out of "pacifist" actors among the likes of Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin. They make it clear they hate actors...what they stand for, what they do, how they are. Anyone with a sense of humor will surely find this hilarious, but the creators manage to make their point because those actors didn't find if hilarious and were actually outraged. The film also makes a point of trying to offend everybody else, so you need a sense of humor to watch this movie. I certainly laughed hysterically.

Also, the movie sports a large variety of songs, ranging from "America, Fuck Yeah!" to "Pearl Harbor Sucked." The songs make the action even more fast-paced. Oh, and then there's the sex scene...perverts will have a boner. Regular people will have a boner from laughing too hard.

Favorite Quotes:
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

Spottswoode: Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America".
Intelligence: [pause] Yes, there is.

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Joe: One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
[looks through binoculars]
Gary Johnston: [waving the distress signal towards Joe and Chris] It's me! It's me!
Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
Chris: Smart-ass motherfucker!
[fires missile at terrorist jeep]

Spottswoode: Now hold on team, Gary has already proven to me that he is 100% committed to the team. He proved it last night by sucking my cock.
Joe: Uh... All right then. Let's move.

song: America, fuck yeah! Comin' again to save the motherfucking day, yeah! / America, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah! / Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to / America, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls! / America, fuck yeah! What you gonna do when we come for you now!

Alec Baldwin: By following the rules of the Film Actor's Guild, the world can become a better place; that handles dangerous people with talk, and reasoning; that, is the fag way. One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say, "wow, good going, fag. You really made the world a better place, didntcha, fag?"

The special features are surprisingly great. The making-of the film is separated into seven different features: Team America: An Introduction, Building the Wrold, Crafting the Puppets, Pulling the Strings, Capturing the Action, Miniature Pyrotechnics, and Up-Close with Kim Jong Il. Then you have your storyboards and deleted scenes. the features to an excellent job at showing the processes that went into making this, because you have to ask yourself: "how did they manage to pull this off?"

If you haven't seen this, you should, even if you aren't a fan of Matt and Trey's work. After 8 seasons of offending the world with South Park, Matt and Trey decided to bring us this, and succeeds in making us laugh at puppet terrorists. Watch it, or suck my cock.

Just kidding.