10,000 B.C. (2008)

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"10,000 B.C. could have worked as a re-creation of the Ice Age world a la Walking with Dinosaurs."

The trailer seems epic and very promising due to the exotic prehistoric beasts, cavemen fighting and ancient landscapes-it definitely shows some potential-but in the end, there is very little to be excited about. Director Roland Emmerich wants to have it both ways by showing a Discovery Channel-like documentary that systematically turns into an epic sci-fi extravaganza-Apocalypto meets Stargate. Despite its graphics and the eye-candy cinematography, 10,000 B.C. is way too long, tedious and even unintentionally funny (yes, those ancient dialects would make you laugh).

Brief Intro Story:

The story begins in a hostile ice land surrounded by mountains. A small tribe survives in this land by hunting mammoths which is a difficult task for any member of the tribe. They know very well that hunting is a matter of life and death. D'Leh (Steven Strait) lives here with his wife Evolet (Camilla Belle). They are young and very much in love, but there is an unknown force that might stop their relationship. A prophecy told by the old witch says about four-legged demons who will come to bring chaos and death-she is never wrong.

These strange men arrive with their horses killing many of them. They capture few to be used as slaves, including Evolet-D'Leh was away and couldn't do anything to stop them. After the attack, the few survivors gather and give their blessings to D'Leh and his comrades who are going after these "demons" to rescue their friends and Evolet from slavery and probably certain death. As they travel far and wide, friends from other tribes will come to help them with their mission.

Review:

The rescue journey begins with almost no knowledge of the main characters. The narrator (Omar Sharif) doesn't do a lot of explaining. What do we even need him? Our protagonists speak perfect English-go figure. We know they are peaceful hunters and very superstitious, but we have no idea where they are or how they got there. Not only that, the male characters are so alike it's confusing-in the end, even the hero is forgettable. After the kidnapping, the documentary approach goes out the window. At this point, we spend almost half of the film looking at endless aerial shots of both parties walking through icy mountains, deserts and a jungle-how long did they walk? During this time, few incidents happen like D'Leh and the saber-toothed cat become friends (I'm not kidding here), running away from giant birds, and a failed attempt to rescue beautiful Evolet-none of these moments are suspenseful. After their long walk, our heroes finally meet other tribes who will join them to attack not only the kidnappers, but the pharaoh and his entire people who are building the great pyramids of Giza! What begins as a Sunday documentary show turns into a Stargate-like colossal battle with thousands of slaves (and mammoths) fighting for their freedom. It is clear that Mr. Emmerich (who also directed Stargate) likes to inject his "Ancient Egyptian" style here, but the whole thing fails because he borrows too much from his 1994 film. On top of that, the movie never creates the illusion that we are watching events from long ago-actually it feels more like an alternate-earth scenario. After more than100 minutes of this paper-thing story, 10,000 B.C. ends with every conceivable cliché you can imagine.

Humans aside, one of the best features of 10,000 B.C. are the computer-generated beasts. The mammoths look realistic as well as the phorusrhacids (flightless giant birds)-some times they look a bit out of proportion for dramatic reasons-but the sable toothed tiger is the "black sheep" here. The feline looks a bit cartoonish and way too cute, almost like a stuffed animal. Also some of the aerial shots of the great pyramids being built are quite impressive, until we see the vampire-like king who runs the whole complex.

The Verdict:

10,000 B.C. could have worked as a re-creation of the Ice Age world a la Walking with Dinosaurs. Unfortunately we get a messy affair full of uninteresting characters, draggy moments and even soapy performances. Don't believe the hype. The CGI mammoths (the best feature of the film) can only carry the movie so much-without them, it would be totally unwatchable. Instead of spending $10 on this, I'd recommend the 1966 classic One Million Years B.C where humans don't talk much (thank God) and the monsters are unbelievable but far more entertaining-as a big bonus, you'll get to see Raquel Welch wearing a "prehistoric" bikini.