LAND OF THE LOST (2009)

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"Land of the Lost should‘ve stayed….. LOST!"

I knew it. I was on such a roll lately at the theaters watching good movie after another that I knew it had to end eventually. After watching Dance Flick a couple of weeks ago, I thought it would easily be the worst movie of the summer. I didn't think a movie could be worse. I know where you think I'm going with this, but you're wrong. No, I don't think Land of the Lost is worse than Dance Flick... but it comes a close second.

I got a refresher course on the original series not too long ago due to the Sci-Fi channel's wonderful generosity of having a Land of the Lost marathon. My childhood memories returned and I remembered how I thought the series was intriguing but very badly performed. Yes, even as a child I could recognize bad acting and bad special effects. So I thought Ferrell and company would update the series a bit and make it watchable. Um... they made it watchable, but definitely not funny or entertaining.

The plot (if you want to call it that) is easy to follow. Dr. Rick Marshall (Will Ferrell), a paleontologist is disgraced by others scientists who call his theories about space-time vortexes ridiculous. Three years later, Holly Cantrell (Anna Friel), a research assistant from a British university, reignites his passion to find other dimensions through time warps. Using a device that finds tachyon particles that somehow allows people to jump between worlds, the two locate a time hole at a little crappy souvenir shop run by a redneck named Will (Danny McBride). Will gives Rick and Holly a little tour into a cave he has set up as a tourist attraction and before you know it, the three are traveling into another dimension we will soon know as Land of the Lost. The place is complete with a T-Rex, mosquitos that can suck you dry of blood, dangerous creatures called Sleestaks, and a primate named Cha-Ka (Jorma Taccone) who befriends them and tries to help them navigate their way back to our own dimension.

For the exception of the characters (but not the names) being changed, the story is practically identical to the series. Instead of having a motherless family of three who we can really care about, we get a crazy scientist, a sexy research assistant, and a jackass of a redneck. I honestly never really cared if they made it out at all... dead OR alive.

I will admit that because its basically the same story as the series and actually has pretty much every single season all bunched into this one film (I kind of think they knew a sequel wouldn't be happening even though it lends to one), it was rather intriguing and made me wonder "what's next?". They threw everything they could into the film from the original series including the kitchen sink. If you've seen the series, you may be delighted to see Grumpy the T-Rex, Big Alice the Allosaurus, the Sleestaks, The Lost City, the "Beware of Sleestak" chalk writing, Cha-Ka the primate, the cave High Bluff, Enik, and the Zarn.

There are some laughable moments in the film but not enough to say the movie is funny. I did enjoy the "chorizo taco" joke. You see, the Paku word for Sleestak is "Sarisataka" and when Cha-Ka is trying to warn Rick, Will, and Holly about them, the redneck Will mistakes Cha-Ka's words as "chorizo taco". I thought it was pretty funny. But that is only one of about three or four instances that actually made me laugh.

I hate to say it because I really enjoyed Ferrell's comedy in the past, but I honestly think its wearing thin. I felt it was just the same old, same old with him throughout the film. Anna Friel did ok and is... well, lets just say it... pretty hot. Jorma Taccone must have felt pretty damn lucky that the script continuously had him grabbing Friel's breast. McBride gets a handful once as well, but I wonder if that was just improv on his part. Taccone played Cha-Ka, the primate and was absolutely horrendous. I couldn't stand the character at all. It was obnoxious. Never funny. And considering this was a family movie, playing Cha-Ka as a sexual pervert probably wasn't a good idea. I know... that was the script, not him. Still... I couldn't stand the little fucker. Danny McBride, however, did an awesome job as Will the Redneck. When I say I laughed three or four times in the film, it was usually his doing.

Brad Silberling (best known for directing Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events) did a pretty good job in implementing just about everything the old TV series had to offer in 90 minutes of film. He kept the movie moving except for an absolutely absurd scene where Will, Rick, and Cha-Ka get high. It was an unnecessary, unfunny scene that should have been omitted entirely.

The special effects are 1000 times better than the TV series had to offer. Then again, Sid and Marty Krofft's show really didn't have much to work with. It was shot on indoor sound stages, had actors in rubber suits, and used stop motion animation miniatures. So if you compare the TV series with the theatrical film, well... the film wins hands down.

To say I hated Ferrell's interpretation of Land of the Lost would be going too far. The movie intrigued me somewhat as I wanted to know what else they would implement into the film from the old TV series. But its not one I would recommend anyone seeing in the theater. One has much better use for nine dollars. Trust me on that. Go buy yourself two or three happy meals and let Land of the Lost.... stay LOST.

MOVIE RATING SCALE:

5.0 stars = A MUST SEE

4.5 stars = Excellent

4.0 stars = Outstanding

3.5 stars = Good

3.0 stars = Above Average

2.5 stars = Average

*** 2.0 stars = Disappointing ***

1.5 stars = Bad

1.0 stars = Terrible

0.5 stars = Horrible

0.0 stars = UNWATCHABLE