"You'll be leaving the theater scratching your head and wondering "What just happened?""
Sometimes I go to a theater to watch a movie with low expectations because many times I end up pleasantly surprised. However, there are times that the movie reaches those low expectations... and this is one of them.
The first 45 minutes of the movie is actually not that bad. Although we've seen the premise many times before, its still quite exciting. The first half of the movie takes us through the old journey of our heroes trying to get from point A to point B with many villains trying to stop them. Bombs explode, gun play ensues, people die,... the whole works. Its once they get to where they're going that'll leave you scratching your head wondering "what just happened?".
Vin Diesel plays a mercenary named Toorop in our near future. He's paid to take a young girl named Aurora from Central Asia to New York City in 6 days. Like any typical mercenary, he doesn't ask any questions except... how much are you gonna pay me? Little does he know that his package is actually a package within a package. If that doesn't confuse you, then the ending will. Guaranteed.
Like I said, the movie starts rather well... it's the second half that's just plain crap. There's a point where some important characters DIE but are miraculously brought back to life... and they really don't explain how they did it. I was lost at this point. Also, there's no resolution to the movie or if their was one, their pathetic excuse for it was terrible. The finale sets up a possible sequel which this movie absolutely does not merit. The ending was actually laughable (people actually laughed in the theater as they left the building... I'm not kidding) that is... if you weren't already asleep with boredom.
The acting wasn't half bad. Diesel played his character well and it fit him to a tea. Michelle Yeoh and Melanie Thierry were good in their roles as well. And there were some actors that did such a good job that I almost (emphasize almost) didn't recognize them. Gerard Depardieu and Lambert Wilson (the Merovingian in the Matrix 2) appear in this movie and I almost missed them. I actually didn't recognize them and found out who they were after... but shhhh, don't tell anyone, okay? We'll keep it our little secret.
The Director, Mathieu Kassovitz, should NEVER be allowed behind a camera again. He immediately began dissing this movie as soon as he was done... but I think it was to cover his ass for his sloppy work. What has he ever done? His most famous work is Gothika and look how that one turned out. It was shit... even though he had the talents of Halle Berry, Robert Downey Jr, Charles S. Dutton, and Penelope Cruz. He's horrible. His ending of this movie reminds me of the ending of the original Terminator. Hell... he even stole the line: "There's a storm coming". Freaking thief!
If the plot to this movie was getting Aurora to New York City... and that's it... the movie would have been like 50 minutes long, but it would have been decent. Of course, we would have never known WHY she was sent there, but I would rather have seen THAT story (as short as it may be) than the one we got.
I don't recommend this movie for an evening show... for a matinee show... a dollar theater... of even a rental. Save your money and wait til they show it on TBS or some other cable station. After seeing this movie, I feel bad I gave the Mummy 3 a one star... cause its much better than this crapola.
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26 Comments
Yup! It was really that bad!
BlizZzard
I actually just saw Get Smart on Friday and Tropic Thunder yesterday, and as far as this weeks shit, I don't won't nor have seen anything new out, my week is next week, for movies, I want to see Lakeview Terrace, Burn After Reading, and Righteous Kill, and I fucking still have to see Mirrors, but these people, in my house, keep on vetoing it, so I will have to see it by myself.
BlizZzard
Anyway... I've got a good rapport with you and I enjoy our conversations so I don't want to argue over petty stuff like a freaking definition of a word haha. I know what you meant when you said it so it is totally my fault for correcting you. And I'm sorry I did it again. haha I know for a fact we're both intelligent people so.... again... let's just drop the whole par thing and talk movies.
Which of these weekend's movies have you seen? Whatever you decide.. don't go see the above piece of shit. haha
BlizZzard
Blizzard... you're right. I'm probably blaming the wrong person. The Director may NOT be totally at fault because it was the story that went to shit after the first 40 minutes. THAT is not the director's fault.. it's the writers. But how can I have respect for a guy who's only real credibiltiy is Gothika and starts dissing his own movie? Oh... and "par" means average... so by saying "its not even sub-par, it just fucking fully-par"... you actually made it better, not worse. Your statement actually means"its not even sub-average, its just fucking fully-average" haha It's cool though... I think we ALL know what you meant. And you're right.
Visionary... I heard Traitor is a good movie as well. that's my next movie. Hopefully, I'll have a review sometime late Monday.
JR.... I'm sure you enjoyed Death Race much more than you would have this movie. Good Call. And why did you change your user name? Wanna start fresh with a new name? If that's the case, it's not the name that needs to be changed... it's the attitude. Your cool, you just accuse too many people of being someone else and they just don't like that. Hope this works out cause like I said... youre still cool with me.
Crypt... glad I saved you some money bud. It might still be worth a looksee, but not for the price of admission to a theater. THAT is just a waste of money. Save it for gas... the way the prices are going up on that, you'll need it. haha
Nerd.... you're right. I just told Blizzard my take on that. Sometimes the studio and the director don't see eye to eye and the executives screw things up for the director. But what can you do? The Studio pays for the movie... it's THEIR movie to do what they wish.
I've been thinking we all keep on talking about the director, maybe its the writers we need to start attacking they seem to be the ones writing the bad shit, and then leaves it all to the director to bring to life, becoming a future director myself, I have chosen to write my own movies, just I know the quality of the work, but if I do have a writer their will probably be rewrites.
I also agree with the Gothika part even though it contradicts my proceeding statement, I original thought she was being trick, or that it was all in her head, I did like the twist of Gothika, but that twist was ruined by the ending, inconsistencies in movies are killers. I also don't like the fact that he's shit talking his own movie, like I've been saying the true movie makers/lovers are dying out, and the "paper chasers" have been on the rise, its sub-par, matter of fact its not even sub-par, it just fucking fully-par (I don't even know what the hell that is).
the movie sounds stupid, and the same old shit, we need more twist and different movie concepts, like it use to be, it not that hard to be somewhat original, and speaking of that isn't that the name of an old Sci-Fi show, oh never mind that was Babylon 5, but that still brings the question " What the fuck is that name about what dose it mean?"
BlizZzard
I may have been too harsh with the word sucked, but it really was not that good.