TRANSPORTER 3 (2008)

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"Anyone can fall down and get a laugh, but a real genius does it while drinking and smoking"

Let me begin by saying that the Transporter series is as far an escape from realism as you can get. After watching the first two, my eyes are immensely sore with the many times they rolled after every impossible and ludicrous stunt they saw on the big screen. Okay... maybe I'm exaggerating when I say "as far as you can get from realism". I know there are other movies that are more unrealistic than this series, but when you see Frank Martin and his Audi, you simply would like to believe this guy exists. He's stern, he's professional, he's suave, he's good looking, and he can kick ass. I guess, you can say he's a smaller version of James Bond... but where Bond's series make him believable, the Transporter series makes Martin look like a cartoon character. This I blame on the writers, who I will trash later. So... lets get on with it.

The movie begins with Frank Martin (Jason Statham) enjoying a nice day of fishing with his friend Tarconi (Francois Berleand) but simultaneously we see a franctic car chase at another location (very well done by the director as we are continuously taken from tranquility scenes to chaotic ones). The chase scene becomes important later that evening when that same car drives right into Frank's home. This is where the fun begins for Martin. Frank finds an old friend at the wheel of the car that just smashed through his wall and a female in the back seat. Frank is captured by goons led by Johnson (Robert Knepper from TV's Prison Break) who tells him that he must transport some cargo to locations across Europe. He also tells Frank that a bracelet with explosives has been clamped on his wrist and that if he strays more than 75 feet from his car, HE blows up. THAT my friends, is pretty much it. Everything else is just dressing. Now we get to see the inventive ways Frank comes up with to stay within 75 feet of the car while different goons try to stop him from delivering his cargo. Afterall, there are always two sides to every story, eh?

Where Transporter 2 took us to a world of absolute absurdness, Transporter 3 does tone it down a bit.... not much mind you, but enough to give your rolling eyes a small rest. There is still some craziness, though, but if you're a Transporter fan, you won't mind it. If you're not a Transporter fan, then... what the hell are you doing watching this movie in the first place? Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

As I said before, Frank is connected to a bracelet that will kill him if he distances himself from his car further than 75 feet, but when he and the car go into a river it causes obvious problems. So our superhuman hero swims out of the car, pops the trunk underwater and grabs a life raft. He then inflates it with the air of his tires, causing the car to float to the top. I don't consider myself a genius or that I won't succumb to dumb action movies but there's a difference between checking your brain at the door and pretending you don't have a brain at all.

What can I say about the acting. I personally think Jason Statham is a very good actor. I've seen him in other movies where he has proved that. Its just that with his latest movies, he really doesn't have to. It is sometimes hard to differentiate between Frank Martin (Transporter series), Chev Chelios (Crank series), and even Jensen Ames (Death Race). Needless to say, I wasn't too impressed with his acting in Transporter 3. His pissed off look in this movie is no different than his pissed off look in Transporter, Transporter 2, Death Race, Crank, War, Chaos, Cellular, The One, and Ghost of Mars. He's played a badass so much, that it's become second nature and not much acting is asked of him.

I'm sure Statham was thinking "Damn... couldn't you have hired someone hotter? Haven't I been in the business long enough to merit a super hot leading lady?" when he originally saw Natalya Rudakova. Though the young lady does have pretty facial features (don't believe me? Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f5L1gcTvss ), her freckles on her face tend to keep your attention away from what's going on. Its like a fly or mosquito not being able to stay away from the light that lures them into the zapper. Then comes... her voice. Ugh. Her broken English is sometimes cute like when she says she wants to "feel the sex" or when she asks Frank if "You're the gay!"... but the majority of the times she just comes across annoying. Where were my earplugs when I needed them?

Robert Knepper is a damn good actor, but fell short here. He came across as an intimidating villain at the beginning of the movie, but somewhere along the way he lost his mojo. By the third act, I kept thinking his character was just a goon over his head. He couldn't handle Malcolm (the first driver who crashed into Frank's home) so how in the world was he going to handle the badass Frank Martin? Though he started off as a guy in control, he ended up cowering like a puppy dog. Perhaps that's what the script asked of him, but they simply didn't use his talent well. Maybe it wasn't all his fault

Oliver Magaton directed this movie, but I really don't know much about him. I will say this.... He did a fine job with the directing. He made the story much more believable than his predecessor. Saying that, however, there were still unbelievable scenes... but THAT I blame on the writers.

Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen are absolutely nuts. How in the world can they write a script play where these ludicrous things happen? The premises are okay, but the situations and stunts are absolutely laughable. I wonder sometimes if they are trying to make an action movie or a comedy. I honestly think they made fun of themselves and their character "Frank Martin" in one scene. When a friend of Frank is proclaiming his love for comedian Jerry Lewis, Frank Martin responds with "Anyone can fall down and get a laugh, but a real genius does it while drinking and smoking". As suave as the Frank Martin character is, I wonder if the writers were making fun of him? Hmmm.

Although this third installment is not quite as nuts as the second film, it's still firmly set in the same ridiculous mold. I loved a lot of the action scenes as they were choreographed perfectly (with a couple of unbelievable incidents I wish they had done without), but there was still much eye rolling going on in the theater.

So... here's all fans need to know: Yes, Statham strips to the waist multiple times; yes, there's plenty of action sequences; and yes, he gets the bad guy. In the Besson universe, this is called "realism". With only Quantum of Solace to compete with at the box office, Transporter 3 should do moderate business on its opening weekend but that may quickly disappear once word of mouth sets in. Nevertheless, with crazy car stunts and one ludicrous bike chase, along with the firm grasp that it's always best to have the hero fight the biggest guy last, this third installment should tide fans over until Crank 2 appears in theaters in the very near future.