Max Payne (2009)

DVD

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"Payne To The Max!"

Rule #1 of making a mature rated video game into a movie, film it with an R-rating. This is not some fucking Spyro the Dragon, Crash Bandicoot, or fucking Battletoads! This is Max fucking Payne, an action-packed revenge thrilling, legendary, hard-hitting video game, and it should be treated as such.

Now, i did enjoy this film. I thought the action scenes, which were very limited, were good. Even though Mark Wahlberg performed his role well, without an hitch, i believe, although older, Kevin Bacon would have blown me away, taking on this role. Mila Kunis and Ludacris were just a case of bad casting. I don't believe Mila is that bad ass enough to take on the role of Mona Sax or an American psycho, but that's another story.

Yeah, i did say i liked this movie...But! I must confess. I can like some shit. Not to say that this is complete shit. Going back to the rule. You know it's not really the fact that it was a video; it's that it was a vengeance based storyline. Okay, okay, Death Wish. Revenge story, right? PG-13 rating, right? What!? Wrong!? Death Wish was rated R. Wow. You know with all the f-bombs, boob shots, raping, bloody, bloody violent scenes, i would have never guessed this for an R-rated film. First of all, John Moore's an asshole. This an film lost from it's home. Putting a PG-13 rating on an R-rated plot, is like telling your bestfriend that it's okay to sleep with your wife, just as long as you both keep your shirts on. Well, i don't know what else to say to make anyone who disagrees with having this film rated R, but I say this with all confidence. If this movie would have came out with it's natural rating and it natural rating elements, which is R, it would have made more money.

I became very anxious to see how the unrated version of this would be, so i bought it on Dvd. I must say, not impressed. To be blunt, I don't know who the hell it was that came up with this whole theatrical/ unrated choice feature on DVD's. I guess a few f-bombs and some tiny-winy little excessive violence is their idea of unrated. By the way, whether it being rated PG-13 or R, particularly R, I really miss in those '90's action films, where the actors wore those big, fat, juicy blood packs, underneath their clothings, that when it burst, it would fly everywhere. Today, it's this kind of realistic, spewish, looking type, which i'm cool with, too. We all have to move on, right?