"My Sister’s Keeper is so incredibly sad, it’s almost funny. Only the dead will not cry at some point during this over the top, incredulous medical drama. And even they will feel compelled to weep at some point. "
Small movies like My Sister's Keeper are capable of pulling off miracles when faced with giants like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Funny thing is, both have pretty much the same storyline. In The Fallen, a young man must sacrifice his own life to save that of an ailing robot. In Keeper, a young girl must sacrifice her life to save that of her leukemia stricken sister. Both are strangely bombastic, and both are capable of making water shoot out of your eyes (albeit for different reasons). After watching this Cameron Diaz weepfest for ten minutes, I realized that there's never been a Tear Jerker spoof. After watching it for two hours, I realized I was watching one. This film is so gloriously over the top, each tiny scene plays like a small train wreck inside your heart. Director Nick Cassavetes (the genius behind The Notebook) is intent on making you cry. A lot. It's his life mission. The man went chasing waterfalls, and he brings back an ocean's worth. You've heard of a three-hanky film? Here, I lost count at twenty-one. Seriously, a box of Kleenex should be included with the ticket price. It's not; so don't wear velour to the show. You'll come back home with the cuff of it snotted up and unwashable, just like when you were in second grade.
Nearly every single moment of My Sister's Keeper is sealed and contained within a soul-ripping catastrophe. The horrible news keeps piling up, and the emotional waterworks are served as fast and as furious as the action scenes in Transformers 2. Don't go in expecting some quaint family drama with a poignant end. That's not what it's about. This is about reaching in, grabbing that deep muscle tissue, and yanking it past the ribcage. This is an emotional titty twister, and every single character has at least one (sometimes two or three) maladies that will make you tremble and shake. My Sister's Keeper has the potential to be quite devastating. Yet, it somehow goes beyond that point. It becomes manipulative. Evoking laughter and stoicism. Seriously, how else would one deal with this much pain and anguish in their life? It's certainly a litmus test to the thresholds of human nature. Ever think that sensitive boyfriend of yours has been pulling your leg? Take him to this and discover that: He's just a man.
Right from the get go, your inner monologue will be asking, "Are they serious?" This question will be followed by the statements, "This is horrible!" And, "Oh, my God! Did they really just do that?" Yes. Yes they did. We enter this poignant battlefield through the eyes of a genetically altered young girl that has been bred for the sheer luxury of offering her older sister bone marrow injections. Since the age of 0, young Andromeda "Anna" Fitzgerald (Abigail Breslin) has been poked, prodded, and molested by the biggest needles ever manufactured so that her cancer-stricken sister can survive to see another day of bad soap operas and a slew of her own needles. We arrive on the scene amidst a major crisis. Poor bald headed Kate (Sofia Vassilieva) needs her younger sister's kidney. Or she's going to die a heap of yellow, teary-eyed flesh. With just one kidney, Anna, on the verge of entering teen hood, will not be able to play soccer or get pregnant. Knowing that she was born in a test-tube, and that her life has been a sham up to this point, she decides to take matters into her own hands. She seeks legal council so that she can live out her Juno dreams of being a normal high schooler.
That's right. This seemingly precious child ditches her ailing sister, teams up with a lawyer she saw on the side of a bus, and sues her parents for the rights to her own body. For greater effect, she does this at the most inopportune time, too. Yes, just as Kate goes on dialysis, her desperate mother (a promising lawyer who had to give up those dreams once her daughter was diagnosed with cancer) has to go into court and fight for that precious kidney. It's a long drawn out battle that is interwoven with scenes of the past. When this family was much happier. Trust me, that happiness didn't last long. Kate got sick, and the family entered into a downward spiral that they'll certainly never recover from. Flashbacks are mostly made from Kate's life with Leukemia. We live with her freshly shaved head. Overlook her first bloody stool sample. And experience her first love. As soon as this leather jacket clad kid with cancer rolls up on Kate in smooth shades of flirt talk, you know the relationship is doomed. They head off to a cancer prom. They have underage sex. And then they depart amongst whispers in a hospital. This is only the second act, yet there is already an inch thick pool of water flooding the theater floor.
Cameron Diaz is Sara, the caring, overbearing mother fighting to save her daughter's life. She comes off as a mean, neglectful she-bitch as she leaves her other two children to fend for themselves in the world. While Anna is busy giving full protective custody rights to her sham attorney Campbell Alexander (Alec Baldwin, who has become a joke version of himself), her brother Jesse is left to wander the streets of Hollywood at night. Nether of his parents ever realize that he is gone. Because of this, we are treated to long, drawn out scenes of the boy aimlessly drifting in and out of the souvenir shops near Hollywood and Highland as Jimmy Scott wails, "Everyone is trying to get to a bar called heaven." Then it's back to Kate and her ghost of a boyfriend sharing a plate of fries at a restaurant. Like Transformers, this scene is sold as a quickly edited montage. Except that, its just two people sharing a basket of fries. The same basket of fries. Forever. This is where the movie gleefully, yet unintentionally I believe, enters spoof territory. Because it's hilarious.
There are other problems that crop up aside from the Leukemia. Campbell Alexander is allergic to magnets, and he has a dog that warns him when they are in the vicinity. Of course this doesn't turn out well. Then there's the judge, played by Joan Cusack. She recently lost her daughter to a drunk driving accident. As you can guess, it's a sensitive subject that gets poked with a stick on several occasions. Then there's Sara's husband, the loving father who kidnaps his dying daughter from the hospital so that she can see the beach one last time (hey, they ripped this plot element off from Little House on the Prairie). He's got his problems, too. (I think he burns his mouth on a hot plate of firehouse spaghetti or something. Dad never gets the recognition or respect that he deserves. Nether does Jason Patrick, the sad sack that inhabits the role for better or worse.)
You know, without a doubt, that more than one person is going to die before the end of this feel sad movie. Who will it be? Well, if you've read the novel, you still won't know. As they've changed things up quite a bit. Trust me, the book, written by blubber monger Jodi Picoult, is worse off. It pulls a trick the movie would never get away with. For what it's wroth, Cassavetes plays it more natural and realistic, which makes the material a little easier to choke down. If you love to cry, and are looking to emotionally devastate yourself, you'll adore My Sister's Keeper. If you know when you're being manipulated, you'll find it super funny. For keeping me entertained, My Sister's Keeper gets a Whoop-doo!
(All of B. Alan Orange's reviews are based on the Boo! or Whoop-doo! evaluation system.)
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