Jul 12, 2007 by The MovieWeb Team

FLETCHER SAYS: Fantastic Four!

Fletcher Pennywise
Fletcher Pennywise
Hello and welcome to Fletcher Says, a place for me to let you know what's really going on in dark theaters across the good old USA.

For my first review, if you want to call it that, I'm going to bring you the cold hard truth about one of this summer's oscar worthy flicks called Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer, otherwise known as , a fantastic waste of time, money, and the gas I used in my 425 HP planet killer to get there.

I'll start by saying that if this is the future of big budget hollywood flix, we all be better of watching the new season of Ice Truckers in the comfort of our own homes. This movie blows harder than a Sunset Strip hooker on a Saturday night. Does there always have to be some half-assed attempt at a love story intertwined with our piss poor comic book remakes or what? Jessica Alba hooking up with Mr. Fantastic? Are you kidding me? This guy is lamer than M.C. Hammer's parachute pants, and speaking of pants, why do his stretch along with his legs? Did his britches get special powers too during that terrible space accident in the first installment of this blockbuster?

BAD special effects also help send this movie straight into the toilet where it belongs. I mean how much was the budget on this thing? I've seen better effects in Evil Dead 2 for Christ sakes.

Jessica Alba
Jessica Alba
My favorite part of the shockingly awful plot is the six man army that is apparently in charge of saving the world, I mean where is president Bush when you need him? The final straw that broke this camel's back was the fact that some brilliant makeup artist or bloated producer decided to put Jessica Alba in some extra large, blueish, alien looking contacts. Bad call. I spent the whole movie wondering if it was really her, or if she just hired her body double to run the lines for her, after she read the script. News flash, you don't take the only good thing about this movie (Jessica Alba) and ruin it, because some squash brain decided she should look more like cat women than her normal drop dead gorgeous self.

Bottom line here, don't and I repeat DON'T see this movie. If you do, you could possibly be helping perpetuate the false belief that there is a need for another sequel to this steaming heap of dung. Sorry but sometimes the truth hurts, but it is my job to bring it to you the people, no matter how much it pains me...

Thanks for listening, now go rent Batman Begins and watch a decent comic book rip...

Over and out....

- FLETCHER (The Voice of Reason)

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer was released June 15th, 2007 and stars Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington, Andre Braugher, Laurence Fishburne. The film is directed by Tim Story.



Sources: Fletcher

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Comments (20)

  1. Irisaflower

    I don't think that the love story in fantastic 4 was of poor taste actually it appeals to most women. Why have a movie that only appeals to one viewer instead of many. I think they knew exactly how to incorporate a little for all different tastes in a moderate way. I thought it was awesome!

    3 years agoby @irisaflowerFlag

  2. DoubleR0522

    F*CK WHAT FLETCHER SAID I LIKE THE FF4 MOVIES AND I HOPE THE AGREE ON MAKING A 3RD FILM AND I WILL MOST DEFINITELY GO SEE IT.

    3 years agoby @doubler0522Flag

  3. Jimthar

    oh and another thing, i totally agree about the 'love story' aspect. it totally ruins movies that could be awesome. pearl harbor and titanic are the first 2 that come to mind. transformers is another. and more recently, prince of persia.
    not every movie has to have a romantic aspect or a love story element. just let movies be as awesome as they should be. love stories in most movies are just a complete waste of time and distract from the overall plot and point of the movie.

    3 years agoby @jimtharFlag

  4. Jimthar

    ha great review.

    3 years agoby @jimtharFlag

  5. Irisaflower

    I loved the fantastic4 and so did my teens. My son even had a fantastic4 birthday party and he is so sad there isn't another movie coming. My son is Autistic, I think they should make 4 movies total it would make the fans really happy.

    3 years agoby @irisaflowerFlag

  6. ansgarw

    Andi says let&#180s get an oscar for our big belly contests.

    Greets from Germany

    6 years agoby @ansgarwFlag

  7. JBZGRL30

    BRAVO FLETCHER, YOU REALLY SHOULD STICK TO MUSIC AND DRIKING OBVIOUSLY WHEN YOU SAW THIS YOU HAD TO OF BEEN STONED OR DRUNK ONE!!! BUT THEN AGAIN IM NOBODY!!! CANT WAIT FOR AQUAMAN.

    6 years agoby @jbzgrl30Flag

  8. TUNATRAWLER

    finally a day job for fletcher where he can stomp on a human head forever eating cheecharones distorting faces on his mac. as far as summer surf flix go, i thought the penguins did better. I prefer Alba in Sin City stripping and the summer CGI award was taken by some Transformers. Sick review, and Batman gives the streets of L.A. respect in Harsh Times, the best DVD release of the summer. Let's hope the summer heats up for Fletch to scorch some other superheroes.

    6 years agoby @tunatrawlerFlag

  9. Tronticon

    Awwww Hell.. I liked FF4 - 2. Yea it was kinda corny at times but I still thought it was fun! If they make a part 3 yea I'd go see it! I'm definitely gonna see the Silver Surfer movie if it does come out!!!

    6 years agoby @tronticonFlag

  10. The Kwisatz Haderach

    They made a sequel holy crap! Did anyone see it? I thought the first was a comedy, then I found out that hollywood was serious, jesus........

    6 years agoby @the-kwisatz-haderachFlag

  11. Rock

    I havent seen it but your probably right . But in your recomendation there is also an unassasry love story

    6 years agoby @elrochoFlag

  12. Brian

    I love it. God Money...a masterpiece.

    6 years agoby @brianFlag

  13. My Way

    I agree with you Fletcher, I mean let's face it it's no "God Money" or anything. I just rented that masterpeice for the 8th time and it just get's better each time I see it. Boy you were great in that film. It makes me wonder what other hidden talents you have!

    6 years agoby @hardlineFlag

  14. erncrazy

    Bad movie but could end up as a good silver surfer spin off

    6 years agoby @erncrazyFlag

  15. erncrazy

    Bad movie but could end up as a good silver surfer spin off

    6 years agoby @erncrazyFlag

  16. Brian Gallagher

    Welcome aboard Fletcher. Nice work.

    6 years agoby @gallagherFlag

  17. Timmy

    I loved this movie but i won't hold t against you. Pennywise is my favorite band.

    6 years agoby @timmyFlag

  18. The Robot

    Now that's a review.
    Wish I read this before I wasted my money.

    6 years agoby @mike-tFlag

  19. Timbo Jones

    Thanks Fletcher, I took your advice and DID NOT see it!

    6 years agoby @timmy1134Flag

  20. Brian

    Best review I've seen of this movie by far!

    6 years agoby @brianFlag

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