Hello and welcome to Fletcher Says, a place for me to let you know what's really going on in dark theaters across the good old USA.
For my first review, if you want to call it that, I'm going to bring you the cold hard truth about one of this summer's oscar worthy flicks called Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer, otherwise known as , a fantastic waste of time, money, and the gas I used in my 425 HP planet killer to get there.
I'll start by saying that if this is the future of big budget hollywood flix, we all be better of watching the new season of Ice Truckers in the comfort of our own homes. This movie blows harder than a Sunset Strip hooker on a Saturday night. Does there always have to be some half-assed attempt at a love story intertwined with our piss poor comic book remakes or what? Jessica Alba hooking up with Mr. Fantastic? Are you kidding me? This guy is lamer than M.C. Hammer's parachute pants, and speaking of pants, why do his stretch along with his legs? Did his britches get special powers too during that terrible space accident in the first installment of this blockbuster?
BAD special effects also help send this movie straight into the toilet where it belongs. I mean how much was the budget on this thing? I've seen better effects in Evil Dead 2 for Christ sakes.
My favorite part of the shockingly awful plot is the six man army that is apparently in charge of saving the world, I mean where is president Bush when you need him? The final straw that broke this camel's back was the fact that some brilliant makeup artist or bloated producer decided to put Jessica Alba in some extra large, blueish, alien looking contacts. Bad call. I spent the whole movie wondering if it was really her, or if she just hired her body double to run the lines for her, after she read the script. News flash, you don't take the only good thing about this movie (Jessica Alba) and ruin it, because some squash brain decided she should look more like cat women than her normal drop dead gorgeous self.
Bottom line here, don't and I repeat DON'T see this movie. If you do, you could possibly be helping perpetuate the false belief that there is a need for another sequel to this steaming heap of dung. Sorry but sometimes the truth hurts, but it is my job to bring it to you the people, no matter how much it pains me...
Thanks for listening, now go rent Batman Begins and watch a decent comic book rip...
Over and out....
- FLETCHER (The Voice of Reason)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer was released June 15th, 2007 and stars Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington, Andre Braugher, Laurence Fishburne. The film is directed by Tim Story.