So, by now, the notorious Mr. Lambert's overtly homosexual shock antics watched by millions during his AMA performance Sunday night are old news. For those of you who haven't yet seen it (who ARE you, anyway?)...it's already been taken off-line by the no-doubt tireless efforts of the 'copyright police'.

If you haven't had the opportunity to check it out, the bottom line is that he performed a gratuitous crotch-rub into some leather-clad male dancer's face to imitate a blowjob and proceeded to try to one-up Madonna and Britney in the tongue-lashing department.

Shocking? Sure...

Now, I've now read both sides of the issue.

The conservative right are out trashing him.

The gay pride nazis are holding up their phallic salute and praising his resolve and openness.

Simon Cowell? Strangely silent, but one can imagine he's Jekyll and Hyde, at once relishing the controversy and cringing from the optics of it all...

So... where does it fall in the 'fly-over' zone in middle America?

Let me put it like this...

Most of the audience for his music is constituted of kids that can't afford to buy it for themselves. Yeah, that's right. They need mom and dad's iTunes login or their credit card or their weekly allowance munificence to afford his lewd and lascivious lyrical stylings.

Make no mistake... His lyrics are in-your-face ... flaunting his sexuality ... almost as a platform.

"For Your Entertainment" has a sadistic sexual undertone and the fact that he stated on his CBS interview this morning that his performance was really just meant to "...interpret the lyrics to my song and have a good time up there" just shows that this guy doesn't deserve the platform that he's been given.

He went on to say: "I believe there's a double standard. I believe that if it had been a female pop performer doing the moves that were on the stage, I don't think there'd be nearly as much of an outrage at all."

So now he wants to compare himself to Madonna? He's not saying it EXACTLY, but he flaunts his homo-erotica in primetime and just expect us all to ... wait for it... swallow it?

I think not.

Let's look at the actual lyrics in the context of that performance (I didn't transcribe, but found them online, so I'm not taking any shit for them being off...):





Look... make no mistake. I don't care if you like to flaunt your sausage from behind a hairy ass or if you prefer a well-fit hetero pairing or if you're both sporting furry beaver trying furiously to link up that lady-business.

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is up to you...as long as it doesn't involve dead bodies, animals or children, knock yourselves the f*ck out. But I don't want to see you in assless leather chaps marching in a parade to prove you have 'pride'. I don't want to see you removing your girlfriend's tonsils with your tongue. I don't want to see you bangin' at the goddamn public park.

Keep your f*cking (how EVER you do it) to your f*cking self!

When you bring your shit on the tube in front of my kids (gay, straight, or otherwise), with NO goddamn warning and no option for me to dodge it... in primetime... in a family variety show... that, buddy, is pushing it too far. You didn't give me the option to know about it in advance and decide if I should let the family watch it. You didn't provide any other option than to FORCE millions of Americans to explain to their children of all ages why that crazy screaming wraith grinding around on the stage is rubbing his penis in some guy's face or why he just tongue kissed that Flock of Seagulls-esque backup dancer.

So here's the short story on this. As a parent that controls what my kids download off iTunes and purchase at Target, I won't be authorizing any purchases of any of your shit. EVER. That said, by the time these kids are old enough to choose to buy your crap with their own money, you'll be long retired to the old-homo-rockstar-hair-band-graveyard.

That was not the kind of controversy you needed. That was a CLM (a 'career-limiting-move') and no amount of on-air half-ass dodging and parrying will get all those parents that can (and do) veto music purchases back in your camp.

At least Madonna didn't go bat-shit until her fans were old enough to choose (and pay for) their own music.

When Janet's scandalous tit was ripped free by Mr. Timberlake in front of millions, she at least had a plausible exit-spin.

Just to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, though, I tuned in to CBS this morning (ok...admittedly, it was on accident) and lingered to listen to what he had to say... I also watched him perform a couple more songs from his new album. None of it was any better. Despite his big-talk and nods to creative endeavors, collaboration and accomplishment, this album appears to be nothing more than a gay pride joyride.

Lambert, you're an asshole. I've got to imagine you just set back, by at least half a decade, what was previously the slowly improving status and perception of the gay population in America.

Too bad for all the collaborators on the album. You've all just been Adam's bitch for an agenda...posing as an album.

Adam told Access Hollywood, right after the show: "You know, honestly, if I offended some people, you know, its apples and oranges. I'm not an artist that does things for every single person. I believe in artistic freedom and expression. I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song, and those lyrics aren't really for everybody either."

"If it's edited, that's discrimination," he continued. "I will be disappointed because there is a little bit of discrimination going on in this country. There's a big double standard. Female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years and the fact that I'm a male and I'll be edited and discriminated against could be a problem."

No, Lambert... YOU'RE the problem.