"Let's not kid ourselves. Doom isn’t a storytelling tour-de-force. ... There’s something about an extra chromosomal pair, a human experiment gone awry and an ungainly plot thread between Karl Urban and Rosamund Pike. Do I care that the Grimm siblings seethe with unresolved issues? Nope. Do I want to know about fictional genetic theory in lieu of pulse-pounding, gun-toting action? Not a wit.
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For many gamers out there, remembering the first time you played Doom is akin to remembering your first day at school, your first kiss, your first… well, you get the point. And I remember mine: booting it up on my too-hot-to-trot x486 back in the heyday, thinking, “Jesus. Graphics can’t any better than this,” as I bastardized Nazis and loaded lead into the bodies of demonic spawn with my custom BMG gun. My first Doom match was an entrance into gaming nirvana, a transcendental experience. In its many incarnations, it remains the granddaddy of first-person shooters, a classic up there with Pong and Pac-Man.
As a film? Well, maybe not so classic.
“Why would anyone do this?” I asked myself when I heard Doom would be a full-length feature. I mean, maybe I suffer from selective amnesia, but the last time I checked, movies based on videogames haven’t exactly rocked the casbah qualitatively. Prime examples being Tomb Raider, a movie more notable for Angelina Jolie — her faux Brit-speak, the naughty gleam in those eyes and the magazine articles about her rigid high-protein diets — than for sheer entertainment value, or Resident Evil, where Milla Jovavich’s ill-suited miniskirts ran the show.
These adaptations rarely translate well to the big screen. Is it the lack of a fleshed-out, cohesive story? Final Fantasy fans and other RPG stalwarts might argue otherwise — but then look how hollow Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (Look ma! Pores!) turned out.
Director Andzrej Bartkowiak borrows an idea here and there from its source of inspiration, tosses out the rest, and throws in The Rock and Karl Urban (“Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”) for instant street cred. Set in the distant future, where people transport via metallic-glob transporters and walk through bulky nano-walls, Sarge’s (The Rock) merry quarantine crew cuts their vacation short to investigate a mysterious disturbance at a scientific facility, where a genetic research team has disappeared. The creatures they encounter end up being far more than they bargained for.
Let’s not kid ourselves. Doom isn’t gunning to dethrone Crash or any other recent storytelling tour-de-force. Any vestige of storytelling is hurled out the porthole after 15 minutes of obligatory story exposition. There’s something about an extra chromosomal pair, a human experiment gone awry and an ungainly plot thread between John (Karl Urban) and Samantha (Rosamund Pike) Grimm, a gorgeous scientist who tags along to salvage the science team’s research data. Do I care that the Grimms seethe with unresolved issues? Nope. Do I want to know about fictional genetic theory in lieu of pulse-pounding, gun-toting action? Not a wit.
What the film boils down to is a rollicking good time and on that front, Doom won’t disappoint its hardcore fanbase. The gore onscreen is always readily visible, the action relayed in tight, kamikaze-style cuts and the frightful snippets are tautly edited to a point where occasionally, you jump out of your seat.
It’s all well-and-good until the director inevitably mucks it up with what’s arguably the most excruciating and cheesy moment in recent cinema, a horrendously misplaced cinematic shout-out to all Doom fans out there: a five minute (feels like 20) first-person shoot-out that puts any embarrassing moments in Resident Evil out to pasture.
As for performances, I guess you could call them that. The Rock’s tough militant schtick doesn’t work for a second: when he puts his men in place, it’s laughable. Even in the climactic battle with Urban, the guy’s just too gosh-darned loveable for his own good. Nice try Rock, sir, but no cigar.
Unless you’re a huge Doom fan, you’ll want to pass on this latest videogame-cum-film gone awry. At times entertaining, it offers nothing new other than the opportunity for shareware nostalgics to remember the glory days.
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"Doom initially sticks to the story of the videogame, but smartly deviates from it when the plot starts to become cliché. It goes in an unexpected direction and the result is a much more captivating film. " ByJulian Roman
"It's probably the best video game adaptation to date, and while I know that's not saying a whole hell of a lot, it's a solid flick with one of the coolest single scenes I've seen in awhile and a rock-solid performance by none other than The Rock." ByBrian Gallagher
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