ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction: Review By Bryan Yentz

As many genre vets should know, zombies ain't just for headshots anymore. Even at their cinematic birth, Romero was already finding ways in which to utilize these cannibalistic creatures for the sake of social and political commentaries. Though his messages have felt to this critic as pretentious and in recent years forced, Romero nonetheless showed that something as simple as walking, moaning monsters could say something more than just "Brains!" But as we know, for every film that rightfully tries to make a point with its undead denizens, there are another dozen which seem to want to do it oh-so poorly. Then again, I've rarely seen a zombie film with a meaning that DIDN'T cram it down the viewer's throat. My personal favorite is still 28 Days Later which wound up depicting a simple theme of man's continued inhumanity even when his demise is gnawing and gnashing at his jugular. Anywho, what I'm getting at is that, while there is potential in the vast land of "zombie" for social analysis, it's hardly ever done properly... Zombies of Mass Destruction has just added to that ever-growing pile of failure.

Taking place in 2003, ZMD is many years off from still being significant. Yes, it's about the war in the Middle East, but things have drastically changed since 03 (a new president for one), and to rely on the stereotypes and superstitions of yesteryear--especially when handled SO poorly--further makes one question why they didn't update the film's narrative so as to make it a bit more prominent to what's occurring today. Moving on... It's still early into the war and everyone's gung-ho about kicking terrorist ass. Little do they know, a lil' zombie outbreak has already begun to spread causing the once quiet American town to be engulfed by flesh-eaters. Amidst this chaos is a young Iranian woman (the heroine) a gay couple, and a slew of stereotypes which only serve to make the director laugh--cuz it wasn't working on me. So yeah, these survivors must hold off via shotguns and weed-whackers (because it would work so well in the first place?) to fend off the hungry, hungry hordes.

While the zombie portion is incredibly typical of the genre, the first twenty to thirty minutes of the film are built with central characters and their conflicts. While lifting up their "persecuted peoples", the filmmakers also take time to point the finger and mock American values and beliefs for the sake of overblown comedy... Except it's not funny--just embarrassing that the writer and director have such base knowledge of satire that they seem to just recite words and phrases they've heard on the radio and depict people and images they've seen in other one-sided movies and shows. Well, we've got a Christian?! Make 'em a crazy, fire and brimstone, homosexual-hater that's most likely a hypocritical man-lover still in the closet too! Yeah! Or how about the country-accented, blue-collar worker!? Let's make 'em white trash that swear and threaten their children with violence--because that's how they all are! What about an everyday American teenage boy?! Let's have him be a dumbass that constantly refers to his Iranian girlfriend with slang reference regarding her ethnicity! And then let's make all of those being persecuted perfect! Sure they question who they are and what they stand for, but it's because of all a'them angry war-lovers in the first place!!!

See, I have no problem being made fun of, having America made fun of; sometimes it helps put things in perspective--that's the point of satire. But it's only when it's done by a capable source that it actually comes cohesively together. Team America made fun of everyone and everything that needed to be made fun at the time--no one escaped Trey and Matt's hilarious vision of a world-policing America. It was significant, it was damn funny, and it turned its un-politically correct humor on itself at the drop of a hat. ZMD does no such thing. It constantly treats every other character outside of its persecuted protagonists as unfunny antagonists. The irony is that the efforts of the filmmakers to show racism and hate, causes them to even appear racist and bigoted. Once scene has an Iranian father becoming angry with his daughter when he finds out she's dating a "white boy" and not "one of their own". He then goes onto tell her that unlike that boy and other Americans, "She has true heritage; true ancestry--she knows where she came from". So uh, we don't? We don't have heritage? Ancestry? Hmm... Now, all of these satirical accusations could have been funny had it been directed by a capable filmmaker, scenes such as that just mentioned are performed in a serious manner absent of humor... Then again, the whole flick is absent of humor. I mean, I know they're just trying to "have fun"/"make fun", but there's a point in which that line is crossed and things just become obnoxious. I was never offended, just baffled as to how atrocious the dialogue and story became in its efforts to further make the war effort and its stereotypical supporters look that much more ridiculous and "funny". This entire endeavor feels as though it was written by teenagers who think that the pinnacle of social satire is an episode of Family Guy.

Okay, so overlooking that big issue which burdens the entire movie into an unfunny hunchback, how does the ACTUAL zombie portion fair? Not well. Not well at all. Yes there is some gore to be had what with some guns, a hammer to the cranium and a zombie even eating its own eye, but it all just feels like material you've already seen before if you've ever seen a zombie film. To make matters worse, some of the effects are just cheesy. In one instance, a character has his face peeled off by a flesh-feaster. The only problem is that you can obviously just see they painted red on his face and had the extra just pull the mask off. There's even some mild torture thrown in towards the end, but it doesn't offer anything outside of a single nail through the foot. So yeah, even if you come for the zombie portions, you're out of luck.

Outside of the awful attempts at humor, and the doldrum zombie violence, the other critical hit this pic suffers is that of its sound. Apparently the filmmakers and production sound units had a hard time recording because throughout the entire film, at specific points, the ADR sounds immensely fake and echoes. It becomes increasingly annoying as the movie progresses as it simply doesn't stop. While I could overlook the corniness of some of the sound choices, the fact that each sound gives off a warbled echo just took me out of the moment as I tried to figure out whether my television was screwing up or if the film's design was just that bad... And after watching the trailers on the DVD, as well as watching other DVD's right after; I can say that ZMD's sound is just that bad.

Taking all of these negatives into consideration, I also need to give credit where credit is due. I did appreciate John Guleserian's cinematography on display at the very beginning of the film as the opening credits begin on the surface of clear waters as a red hue gradually invades. That and some other shots on nearby exteriors look nice as well. Along with this, I love that the score by Andrew Rohrmann reflects that of an eighties zombie flick with its heavy use of lighthearted, yet ominous synth work. Actually, if you're a fan of 'em, it almost sounds like some of the musical doings of the group "Zombi" (ironic, eh?).

Director Kevin Hamedani said that he based this film off of how he felt and was perceived during September 2001, and while I can understand that, the way he and his crew have gone about satirizing the country in which they live have done them no favors. I'm always open to comedy, satire, you name it--especially in horror--but it needs to be done well... Actually, more than 'well', it actually needs to be FUNNY, ZMD is not in the slightest. Every obvious joke you've heard, every obvious observation of American culture you've already seen, and every obvious means of zombie extermination is at work here--nothing new; nothing even a tad bit entertaining. ZMD is a chore to sit through and further reinforces why After Dark Horrorfest is typically observed as a complete joke.