Valentine: Review By The CryptKeeper

Well, sometimes there is something about a movie that makes me want to see it. I never really know what it is. This movie sounded kinda good, but kinda cheesey at the same time. I am not a fan of any of the actors. But I got the movie anyways, really not expecting anything. What I got was almost nothing. This is not a bad movie, and it's worth a watch on a day when there's nothing else to rent, but it is forgettable, and not a movie that will give you much of anything besides entertainment for about an hour and a half.

The story is nothing special at all. It's just a slasher flick. A young boy was teased terribly as a child. So now 13 years later, he is back to get revenge!!!! Ok, so it's unoriginal, but that's ok. There was another problem I had with the storyline. The ending makes it inaccurate. So here it is, but unfortunately I'll have to ruin the ending. **SPOILER** Before I start the spoiler section of my review, let me say that the kid who was picked on and is now supposedly a killer, well his nose always bled when he killed. That will come into play later. Ok, so all of them are at a Valentine's Day party. Of course there's an attack. They think they killed the killer. Everyone is dead, except the main girl and her boyfriend. They kill the killer, and take off the mask, and it's one of her friends, who the girlfriend had a fight with before. We are led to think that she is the killer. But that's not the case. When her boyfriend is comforting her, and all that, his nose starts to bleed.... ohhhh... creepy. Not really. That's freakin' stupid. First of all he wasn't killing at that particular moment. Second, how the hell did the friend get in the mask and suit? Ok, so the killer might have dressed her up, but why would she try to kill, and not say "NO!!! I'M NOT THE KILLER!!!" Or maybe since she wasn't tied up, she could have taken the f*cking mask off or something!! It drives me crazy!! ANOTHER problem with this ending, is that the guy must have had plastic surgery AND a name change. Name change.... ehh.. ok. Whatever. Wierd, but whatever. But plastic surgery? That's a bit absurd. So the guy wants to blend in, but they don't even mention that he had plastic surgery. So I guess we're just suppose to assume. AND I know this is petty, but besides the title, and a few people getting valentines, they don't even mention that it is Valentine's Day.

The acting is kinda meh. I mean it wasn't terrible. But what do you expect from these teenage actors? Denise Richards is kinda a bad actress, and not all that hot like anyone thinks. The rest of the cast is pretty much unknown, although it has Marley Sheldon of Planet Terror, where she played the nurse with the needles. And even though Kathrine Heigl was advertized as in this move, she has a very small part, which is hardly even worth mentioning.

Our director is Jamie Blanks. I honestly think she did kind of a bad job. The movie kinda reminded me of the terrible remake of Prom Night. Even though the film was rated R, it had the feel of a PG-13 slasher flick. And we all know how those are. This is surprising, because I liked Urban Legend, which is the same director as this.

Overall, it's not a BAD movie, just not one that you'll want to watch over and over again, and buy. It's just good for entertainment... that's it. But it's worth a watch. Just don't be too tough on it, because if you are a tough critic, then you'll probably hate the movie.