Twilight: Review By The_Fallen_One

Nov 21st, 2008 by The_Fallen_One
Oh Dear.
  • OVERALL
    0.5
    HORRIBLE
  • Story
  • Acting
  • Directing
  • Visuals
Now i know that this is an extremely popular franchise.....scarily popular.Like the jonas brothers almost!Im sure you could purchase a twilight themed vibrator if you looked hard enough.Now im not making fun of anyone for liking this but just like the jonas brothers this is fiercely gay!I mean jesus people do you even remember the last time vampires were cool!?!?I LOVE vampires or should i say LOVED vampires and i am not content to settle with make-up wearing emo teens parading around as vampires.Dracula would tear this silly c*nt Edwards head off and insert it into his anus before he could say "I cut myself cause my daddy beat me as a child" Now i know that this is really a girl thing anyway,like anne rice writing about vampires who just like to sit around and suck each other off(also a major piss off!F*CK YOU Anne Rice!)Now if your a guy who likes this im afraid to say you are gender confused or someone has swapped your morning meds!Not saying i cant enjoy a good romance story,hell i like em as much as anyone!I mean the original dracula is all about romance,but its more of an epic,tragic love story that turns our buddy Drac into one mean remorseless son of a bitch!Not a teen love story between a centuries old emo vampire hermaphrodite and the new girl on the block.I wonder if i could pick up girls by powdering my face up nice and white and telling girls im a vampire.I mean at least thirty days of night the vampires are just primal beasties who want to eat the living sh*t out of any human in a thirty mile radius!May not be the traditional vampire but the way things are going in vampire movies nowadays it sure was refreshing!So thats basically my little rant in a nutshell so nobody take offense and please feel free to comment.Just dont call me names i cant handle that emotionally.

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Comments (15)

  1. Christian

    Haha, read my review.

    3 years agoby @christiancorpseFlag

  2. Bragg

    FINALLY someone slams this properly. You're my new hero bro!

    3 years agoby @bragg1Flag

  3. RavenX5 God of Light

    this movie is terrible,blahg!!is all about f*cking Edward throught the whole movie!!btw,nice review

    3 years agoby @hackx9Flag

  4. kenwardski

    I agree with screenwriter, a little harsh. Me and and some friends have read all the books and the movie definitely does not provide justice. We all agree that any viewer that has not read the books would not enjoy the movie too much. Each scene is way too short and obviously you really don't get to see the characters develop. One of the reasons that we enjoyed seeing is just seeing the characters, I like each of the actors they chose. The movie also looks like it is a low budget film. Hopefully, with a greater budget, the follow up, New Moon, will make up for Twilight's flaws.

    3 years agoby @kenwardskiFlag

  5. SCREENWRITER

    I liked the book, but i havent seen the movie yet. I plan on it though, i've heard both good and bad things about this movie. I shall see.

    4 years agoby @the-screenwriterFlag

  6. The_Fallen_One

    well FOY im glad you dont feel you need to call me names!Yeah its ridiculous to look at some of these reviews and read "f*ck ths piese of sh*t" but so far ive managed to find some pretty smart people on here.To be fair i havent read the book but im not so sure it would be for me im more of a Palahniuk man myself.And The Lost Girl thank you very much for being my friend!....sheesh im a nerd. Yeah it certainly is feverishly popular.And its got its audience i just figured id try and find some people i could rag on it with. lol Give it a shot and lemme know how you felt about it!

    4 years agoby @the-fallen-oneFlag

  7. The Lost Girl

    Great review - it can be risky, especially with the popularity of this book/film, to put your honest opinion out here, especially given you didn't like it. Appreciate the honesty. Still want to see it tho, out of curiosity. lol

    4 years agoby @trinity7694Flag

  8. Structure (ONSTRA)

    well i will not call you names, but good review, mostly when people start off on here they start by writing like a small peace of sh*t.well you didn't so that's good. i disagree, because i think that the movie was will be amazing, especially that I've read the book and i loved it.
    A little harsh though.
    but good review.

    4 years agoby @gaj1992Flag

  9. The Cryptkeeper

    no prob, man. Just dont expect the same courtisy from others. I personally agree, and i havent even seen the movie!! lol

    4 years agoby @americanpsychoFlag

  10. The_Fallen_One

    man i am unpopular...do I just comment on my own review page to get back to you guys? For now it shall do.Thanks psycho!LOVE the new watchmen poster!You as psyched as I am?!And cryptkeeper i thank you for not calling me names,I realized that people were *ssholes on here but i figured id stick my neck out and you good folks havent quasi-publicly emasculated me thus far.Let me know what you think of it when you see it.Im glad you liked that moviebuff.I appreciate the comment i dont get those often.I was only so hard on it because i feel its these movies that slowly tear me away from my love for vampires.....i tried and tried to think of an analogy for that but hopefully you get me.And screenwriter my friend see above for my reasoning,so I take it you liked it? Thats cool to each theyre own.And a clockwork orange is your display pic so your good in my book!.....yeah theres no way this is right i apologize for the novelette of a response if someone could correct me on how to properly get back to my adoring public..haahaah...itd be greatly appreciated..i mean holy f*ck look how long this is.Thanks guys I am now no longer a comment virgin!You popped my comment cherry!Like a group gang rape!soooo thanks.

    4 years agoby @the-fallen-oneFlag

  11. Psycho

    I will never see this movie but good review.

    4 years agoby @physco-123Flag

  12. The Cryptkeeper

    oh, and Im not gonna call you anmes, because something tells me that this will suck, but if you say "dont call me names" then people probably will, just because most everyone on this site is an *sshole.

    good review

    4 years agoby @americanpsychoFlag

  13. The Cryptkeeper

    THANK YOU! This movie just looked bad!!! I still need to see it though.

    4 years agoby @americanpsychoFlag

  14. MovieBuff

    "Just don't call me names i cant handle that emotionally".... that's hilarious. haha

    I would have preferred a little more action in the flick, but I guess it is a teen love story.

    Agree with most of your review... but not quite agree with the rating.

    4 years agoby @moviebuff123Flag

  15. SCREENWRITER

    damn, a little harsh dont yea think?

    4 years agoby @the-screenwriterFlag