The Ruins: Review By iseerobots

The Ruins is gross. Totally gross. A girl slices into her leg ginsu style to remove some gnarly vines from inside of her body. It was vomit worthy. I liked it though. Good flick. Like a good horror movie. If you dig this kinda genre, the grody horror genre then you'll prolly like this, no you will like it. You don't have to rush down to the cineplex or whatever though. It'll be like equally good on video. You can go and add it to your netflix queue right now. It's there. I think that it'd be the same on your home system as it is on the silver screen. Equally gross.

Here's the deal. These American kids are on vacation in Cancun and they meet this foreign, European dude and he has a map to a hidden ruin. It's off the map. Totally secret. So they decide to trek out there and check it out. It's something like 15 miles into the jungle. Jena Malone is wearing flip-flops. That would suck. If that were me and I had them things on out in the Mexican jungle I'd make someone carry me piggy back style. There's prolly like spiders and cobras and stuff in the brush. There is Fo' Sho' that stuff under there.

They make it out to the ruins, I kept forgetting if the movie is the Ruins or the Ruin. There seems to be only one ruin, it's a pyramid. Mayan style pyramid. The set up is totally sketch. They take a ghetto taxi out there, have no cell coverage and Jena's in flip-flops. I don't know what I'd expect to happen if I where them. Nothing good. It's a full on horror movie set up. On the real. They can't have expected to make it all out alive right? They saw Scream didn't they? After that movie came out I expected all characters in gore flicks to have self awareness. They head to the creepy pyramids happily though. I guess there wouldn't be a movie if they didn't.

After they move in on the ruin a group of Mayan dudes with bows and pistols make up on our gang and force them up to the top of the pyramid. Once up there more natives come leaking out of the jungle and set up camp festival style around the structure. That's when all the bad stuff happens.

It gets pretty bad. broken limbs, self mutilation and murder. All that and more. Killer vines that mimic sound, yucky ass vines that wiggle around under the skin. The Ruins is just a cavalcade of icky whatevers. I recommend it for fans of the like. I think that I've slowly run out of things to say about it. It's a horror flick. It's gross.

I'd give it a thumbs up as a genre flick. I don't know how I'd rate it against family style movies. I don't think that my mom would be into it. Not at all. Out of all the dudes that I go see movies with only Greg was interested and this is a gang of dudes that all got together for Never Back Down.

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