The Eye: Review By CinemaguyMaster

J-horror remakes are getting sillier and virtually scare-free—The Ring was actually pretty solid, but the genre went down the hill right after that. Just when I thought that One Missed Call was the worst of the bunch, I get to review yet another “remake” that has reached a new low and automatically becomes, without a doubt, the worst horror remake in recent memory—so bad that I actually heard people booing and laughing at the big screen. Instead of haunted TVs, VCR tapes or phone calls, the “scary” visions now come from Alba’s beautiful eyes in this turkey called The Eye. Not only the film lacks any horror moments, but its repetitive nature, incoherent flashbacks and dull performances will bore you rather than scare you. When Alba’s sex appeal—and the need to see her naked at least in one frame—is far more important (in our male minds) than the mystery behind the ghosts, you [filmmakers] have a problem.

Brief Intro Story:

Life seems to be going well for Sydney Wells (Jessica Alba). Despite her total blindness (due to a childhood accident), she is independent, plays the violin for an orchestra, and can take care of herself even when she is walking down the street. Then we find out that her blindness has enhanced other senses—think of her as a female version of Dare Devil. Once in her apartment, she presses “play” on her answering machine and begins to listen. She received a message from her hospital saying that everything is ready for her corneal transplantation. Sydney’s sister Helen (Parker Posey) takes her to the hospital. There is still hope.

Her surgery is a success (at first, her vision is blurry but her condition will improve as days go by). This is a very important step in her life. To be able to see again is something that she waited for so long, but things will go wrong, as always. At night, she sees strange things and dead people all around her. Her doctor—who thinks these are just illusions due to her restored vision—recommends a young specialist called Dr. Paul Faulkner (Alessandro Nivola) who will help her to “understand” and perceive the world. They become good friends, but those therapies do not work at all and her visions of the dead get worse—Paul likes her (who wouldn’t?) but he thinks that watching dead people is nonsense. She starts to believe in “cellular memory” and wants to find out who was the donor so she can solve the mystery behinds those terrifying images.

Review:

Why is The Eye advertised as a horror film? It is a question that I kept asking myself after I left the movie theater. There are no scary moments to speak of, none whatsoever. Only two of three poorly executed “suspense free” cheap thrills in the 97 minutes of film! It is totally inexcusable. The Eye feels more like a “made for TV” mystery novel rather than a horror movie. It wouldn’t even pass for an X-Files episode.

I mentioned the word repetitive earlier and this is what I meant: we see Sydney talking to her sister and friends; she goes to bed; dreams about ghosts and people burning; wakes up in the middle of the night; sees ghosts and goes back to bed again; wakes up in the morning; talks to her sister and friends and goes back to bed…and so on. Yes, we are going around in circles for about an hour! Also, for my male readers, don’t expect beautiful Jessica Alba to show any skin here.

Finally the story takes us to Mexico (I guess we are outsourcing ‘eyes’ now) where the final revelation takes place. This conclusion is so incoherent and silly that reaches comical levels—it will be hard to hold your laughter in the theater, but don’t feel bad, you won’t be the only one.

Obviously, the directors and writers are the ones to blame for this mess, but let’s not forget Alba’s acting “skills” here—perhaps her worst performance ever. She doesn’t try hard enough to bring any of her characters to life. She is annoyed most of the film and her interests to find the truth are not believable. If you’re a young director and wants to make it big in Hollywood, would you give Alba a lead role? Now that is scary.

The Verdict:

Not even the younger audience—the MTV crowd—would eat this up. The Eye (it should have been called Her Eyes because Alba has two of them) has become the worst of this new wave of J-horror remakes. Why Hollywood is making these remakes? Don’t they know how bad they are? It is an embarrassment of astronomical proportions. Please stay away or you will be asking for a refund!