Thankskilling: Review By JaysonB190

-Spoliers Later On In The Review, Not Like You'll Watch The Film Anyway, But Still-

Let's Run Through The Checklist: 5 College Archetypes? Check. Kids Too Glamored To Be In A Movie They Have No Idea What They Are Doing? Check. Budget of No More Than $150? Check. Knowledge of Bad Horror Films? Check. Too Much Free Time? Check. A Camera? Check.

It's Thanksgiving Break and 5 students from an unknown college are way too excited for it. Let's meet them: "Cool," Obese Country Boy. Sentimental Jock, Ditzy Slut, Way Too Nerdy Nerd, and the Virgin Heroine. They're on their way to VH's house when their jeep breaks down one night. They decide to camp out in the nearby woods where Nerd reveals the story that in the very woods, an Indian Necromancer magicked a turkey to take revenge on the white man (Country's ancestor, but that's the only time they point it out) who shamed the necromancer. The legend is that the turkey rises every 505 years to kill the first couple of white people it meets. Well, unsure if it has been 505 years, a dog happened to pee on an Indian totem and summoned the turkey yesterday. The turkey finds VH alone in the woods and scares her back to the camp with the others. Now the Turkey sets its sights on the Scooby Gang from Archetypeland for the slaughter. Who'll get "stuffed?" Who'll get "basted in their blood?"

Yes, a demon turkey rises to kill some college kids. It's like a plot some failing film students would make to pass with a C in the class. Unfortunately, these film students only paid attention on Horror Day and copied down the 5 most common types of college people in a horror film. What's worse, they got other failing people in the class or just students who weren't happy with their Youtube videos to act in it. Wait, that's not the worse thing. The worse is that the film tries to be a meta-cinematic in that these kids would joke that these kind of things would only happen in a bad horror movie.

The flattest note about this movie is the humor. The Virgin Heroine makes the same, exact JonBenet Ramsey joke TWICE! The turkey kills the Virgin Heroine's father, cuts his face to wear it, and the kids buy it. When the turkey goes to kill the ditz, he kills the guy giving doggy-style to her and then proceeds to take over for him for a minute before breaking her neck. What do the kids find when they discover her? "An extra-small gravy flavored condom." Alright, I think that was a more-than-clear picture of the film?

The acting? There has to be acting in the film for me to critique. Of course, if the word "archetype" means anything to you, take what they are in the film and imagine them doing this middle-school acting style.

This is a bad movie. No clever closer here folks...just avoid this movie. Please. Don't be like me who only watched it to say he watched it. Just leave it alone.