'Safe House' Review By TheFury
Denzel Washington - Tony Scott= No one Will Be Safe From A Lukewarm Movie
Man on a Ledge was the most forgettable, predictable, illogical massive bowl of sh*t movie. However, it was at least entertaining enough for me to forgive it for all of it's billions of problems and just sit down and enjoy, but Safe house offered nothing but a 'write as you go along plot', convoluted action scenes, and thee most up and down pacing seen less on a scratchy DVD.
The movie starts off with Denzel Washington, playing a rogue CIA agent, who is on the run from a bunch of unknown gunmen. He does a cool ass neck snap in a bathroom. From there, your thinking this guy is a big time, super agent bad ass, but after that fight, he is a total f*ck up. He leaves bread crumbs, gets in ridiculous risk taking events and doesn't check his surroundings. Anyway the gun thugs turn out to be too much for him to handle so he turns himself into the American Embassy. WOW, WHAT A WAY TO JUMP YOUR ASS FROM THE FIRE INTO STRAIGHT UP F*CKING HELL FIRE! IDIOT! My Goodness, die you stupid movie. Okay, so then we cut over to Ryan Reynolds, playing a safe house main operator, who wants to get out of guarding safe houses and move up into the Jason Bourne mode. Suddenly, Denzel is brought into Reynolds' safe house, with the T-1000 leading the extraction team. So they do a little torture to Denzel and the unknown gunmen return fully loaded.
And......................well I can't go any further with this sh*t. Just now this. The movie turns to sh*t once they leave the safe house. Seriously, it's a shame, with the catchy and humorous dialogue these two actors can perform in they're sleep, they could have used the entire safe house as the main setting, with Denzel and Reynolds taking out the gunmen. If anything it would have shown them to have some form of chemistry, which is absent from this. They never really get to know each other. Denzel's just like 'I won't kill you because your not a professional.' and 'Don't lock me in a trunk or I'll kick your ass.'. Reynold's like "Sit there, Get in the trunk, handcuff yourself, get out, get up, wipe your ass.' Sh*t man, where is the humorous small talk that these two guys can pull off. As far as the plot went, you didn't know what was really the purpose of this sh*tfest until like the last 15 minutes. Mostly every action scene was shot so close up that you couldn't tell who was winning. This movie needs a safe house to be locked, boarded, and sealed f*cking shut.