'Resident Evil: Retribution' Review By Bawnian©-Dexeus

Laughable
  • OVERALL
    0.5
    HORRIBLE
  • Story
  • Acting
  • Directing
  • Visuals
Resident Evil: Retribution is a 2012 action horror thriller movie.

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Aryana Engineer, Bingbing Lee, Boris Kodjoe, Johann Urb, Kevin Durand, Oded Fehr, Colin Salmon, Shawn Roberts and Megan Carpentier.

After standing in line for four hours to be an extra in a movie, a friend and I decided to go kill time and watch resident evil. We know they don't offer anything of worth, but hey, we got bored. Let's just say, we laughed like there was no tomorrow and regretted it completely.

Alice wakes up at the heart of Umbrella Corporation after the battle in the ship from Afterlife. The location is completely operated by The Red Queen, whom you may or may not remember from the first Resident Evil. In this facility is where the virus originated from. Ever wonder why there were so many troops available to Umbrella since Apocalypse? Cloning. That's right, and I called it when they announced the return of a few dead characters to the franchise. The facility has diferente sections as a model of the strongest countries in the worlds just to test the T-Virus and sell it to the highest bidder, or everyone just because Umbrella can.

Of course, there is retribution, for a brief moment that is. In fact the secondary title only makes itself useful after the crap-fest you would have to endure to get there. Now, from the trailers, it sounded like everything that had happened from movie one up to now was simply a simulation and Alice is just a clone gone rogue, but no, it was just the usual shoot-em'-up essence of the last sequels. I also reached my limit of listening to Alice summarize everything in the intro like we don't know already. Kind of like Captain Obvious when he comments and only two words in his sentences are new.

They introduce Ada Wong and Leone from the videogames, but they are as much of a mistake as another sequel. Why? The zero dimension characteristics. The actors portraying them were simply acting like their videogame counterparts, without any facial expressions or emotion, horrible one liners and terrible English. Each and every time they both opened their mouths, my friend and I couldn't help but laugh until we cried. And don't get me started on the Nazi zombies.

Michelle Rodriguez does return, and even though she embarrassed her male adversaries, I was still unimpressed, even with Valentine's attractive return. The special effects dropped significantly. Insulting chrome key backgrounds, questionable visuals and on top of that, cheap executions to showcase the 3D. To quote a friend of mine: "It's 2012 Paul, start acting like it!" I mean, they even kept the same holographic visuals for the Red Queen from the first movie.

Overall, I could go on and on but to sum it up, the action wasn't entertaining, the dialogue had me crying of laughter, making Battleship Oscar Worthy.

What can we expect from the reboot?

Written by: Bawnian©-Dexeus.

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Comments (6)

  1. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    @bryanyentz@skywise In case I never got to reply, it was for Hangover 3

    1 year agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  2. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    @bryanyentz I'll know once I get an email for it telling me when and where

    2 years agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  3. Bryan Yentz

    Completely agree; terrible albeit funny film. And yeah, what was the movie you were trying out for?

    2 years agoby @bryanyentzFlag

  4. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    @skywise Waiting for an email or phone call at the moment

    2 years agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  5. skywise

    This is exactly what I expected. So did you ever make it as an extra in that movie you mention?

    2 years agoby @skywiseFlag

  6. Dan

    Not surprised. Looked like a piece of sh*t.

    2 years agoby @dan1Flag