Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous: Review By B. Alan Orange

WWAFD? (What Would Axel Foley Do?)

That’s the question screenwriter Marc Lawrence must have been asking himself upon hitting the midpoint arc of this latest Hollywood sequel, which centers itself on a wave of mediocrity. Halfway through the proceedings, the plot takes a very familiar twist that had me reeling with Deja Vu. Sandra Bullock’s Gracie Hart is investigating something she shouldn’t be, using various old lady disguises, when she is told to get on a plane and leave Las Vegas by the local Police Force. Instead of heeding the order, which comes as more of a warning, Gracie and her partner/bodyguard Sam Fuller (played by Regina King) decide to stay in town and solve the kidnapping case themselves. You can literally hear the faint scream of Harold Faltermeyer’s Axel F theme as Gracie takes on the unmistakable identity of Foley and his bemused grin. At any given moment, it’s as if Bullock is about to retaliate with, “I’m on vacation.”

The Beverly Hills Cop similarities are never more apparent than in one scene alone, which comes on like a mirror universe where the gender roles have been reversed. Gracie and Sam are called into the Lieutenant’s office, where they are debriefed about the kidnapping situation at hand. It plays exactly like the scene in BHC, where Lt. Bogomil berates Taggart and Rosewood, then questions Axel’s participation in the case, demanding that he leave Beverly Hills “this instant”. The set looks surprisingly similar, as do the camera angles. It’s eerie. Treat Williams calls forth the spirit of Ronny Cox so convincingly, you’d swear Dick Jones was actually in the room upon recollection of the moment. Every single Beverly Hills participant has a Las Vegas doppelganger in MC2: Armed and Fabulous. Sure, Gracie Hart is Axel F. And Sam Fuller is a rougher, tougher, female Rosewood. But we also have Enrique Murciano as Jeff Foreman, a thinner carbon copy of the Taggart persona. Ernie Hudson plays Gracie’s hometown boss as a kinder Chief Hubbard, a role originated by Stephen Elliot. And Diedrich Bader calls home Bronson Pinchot’s Serge with great aplomb.

It’s very strange that a sequel to a somewhat original (as original as a cop dramedy can be; mind you) film would stoop to wearing the skin of another popular hit. But it makes sense in a way. Really, what else were they going to do with this material? I mean; I like the original Beverley Hills Cop. I don’t mind seeing a very similar throughline exercised in what could be a hit franchise for Warner Brothers. This is basically a cop-buddy film in the flavor of Lethal Weapon. Except, its two leads happen to be girls. Likeable girls. We don’t see that too often in the pantheon of Hollywood coupling on film. The reason? Guys are turned off by female buddy flicks. There is only a handful, so this is a worthy entry into that genre. The list is short, though, so this only has to be slightly passable. And that’s what it is.

The first film is a “take it or leave it” endeavor. It's such a middle of the road accusation that I’m surprised they even made a sequel. Ten years ago, something like Miss Congeniality would have been a one-off production. Here, in 2005, original material is like water in the film Ice Pirates. It’s a rare commodity, and the surplus is dwindling fast. It makes sense to take a chance on another go-around with Gracie Hart. I think the studio knows that. And I think that’s why the plot is so overtly familiar. It sort of has to be. Something like Miss Congeniality 2 is an easy-do. Sandra Bullock is a friendly, enduring screen presence. Regina King, though playing standoffish and anti-social, is also an approachable girl. Putting the two of them together is a no brainer. You don’t want to lose that chemistry with a challenging and original mystery. That would cave in the roof and muck it up. So, instead, the tired and tested is put to good use.

Miss Congeniality 2 is an easy-bake concoction. It’s no better or worse than the original. It rests on that same even ground, where it’s batting at absolute zero. Its effortless viewing. Something for the brain-dead to stare at. If it came on TV late at night, you wouldn’t turn it off. Call it comfort food. Something to smile at and forget about five seconds later. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. Unless you’re extremely bored and restless, and demand something challenging from your cinematic experience.

Basically, Arthouse snobs need not apply. But really, I think you know what you’re getting before you even walk into the theater. A snack. And that’s just what a lot of people want. A worthless endevor to pass the time. Sitting here, typing this reprieve weeks after having seen the finished project, I can’t even tell you too much about it. In relating the inner workings of the piece, my mind automatically goes back to the Adventures of Axel Foley, which I mentioned above. Axel makes me smile, so, thinking back on this makes me smile, too.

I will tell you, while sitting in the theater, there was this gay dude behind me. Slowly through the course of the film, he began growing irritated and irate with the homosexual caricature being portrayed on-screen by Dietrich Bader. The further Bader went with his fey mannerisms, the more vocal this backseat Queen became. He hated Bader’s performance, and let everyone around him know it. Ah, well…Someone else has something new to cry about. Boo-hoo. I don’t care one way or the other. I mean, so sue Bader. He perfectly captures the way some people act. So what? I did bring this up to one of the Warner Brothers publicists. They told me, “It is what it is.”

I thought that was a weird response. I say anything even slightly mocking towards the Gay Community in a review or column on Movieweb, and the studios are making me pull it off in defense of rights and not wanting to upset anybody. But they put a character in one of their films that makes the homosexual community uneasy, offended even, and its passed off with a “so what” shrug.

I guess you really can’t please anyone. But Miss Congeniality 2 tries hard to please just about everybody, in a “we didn’t even try very hard” type of way. Yes, I realize that Sandy Bullock produced the film. For some reason, that’s supposed to be a big deal, I guess. Cause she’s a woman? I don’t know. I do like that none of her relationships work from one sequel to the next (noted; she’s only been in two). Sure, I missed not having Keanu on the boat in Speed 2. He was much needed and welcome. But having Pinero’s Benjamin Bratt as a no-show here only made me like this second Beauty Pageant nightmare a little more than the original. If I had to look at that guy’s face again for ninety minutes, I’d be puking up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a week.

The man has that kind of effect on me. And I haven’t even had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in more than six months.

Anyway, if your just looking to pass the time, and you don’t want to be offended (sorry; gays need not apply), go see Miss Congeniality 2. Hell, it might even get you laid, or something. But that’s not a promise, so don’t ask me for a refund…