'Marvel's The Avengers' Review By ROFLitschristian

Hey, Guess What: Marvel's The Avengers Kicks Ass! (As If That Was A Surprise.)"
  • Story
  • Acting
  • Directing
  • Visuals
Prepare to have your mind blown, your eyes wide open, and possibly have a grin stay on your face for all eternity when you see Marvel's the Avengers. Guys, I'm just going to be straight forward with you in this review. This movie kicks ass, and plenty of it!

As you know, Loki has been transferred to Earth and is planning on slaving humanity with a super alien race. So it's up to Nick Fury to gather the world's greatest super heroes and stop Loki and all his glorious rage. I'm not going to bore you with plot details and all that shebang, so let's get right into it.

Avengers features everyone's favorite Marvel heroes, big or small, and no that isn't a Hulk joke. There's Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick "Too Much of a Badass for me to Handle" Fury. A constant fear surrounding this film is that there are too many characters to juggle spotlight wise. And though I don't think the previous individual films count as character development - considering this is its own film - you guys have zero to worry about. Master Director Joss Whedon does more than a superb job giving every character their appropriate amount of screen time. Have no fear, this isn't Iron Man 3.

So let's dissect these panty jizzers. Leading the film is Colonel Nick Fury, played by the legend himself Samuel L. Jackson. Guys, the man was cast perfectly for this film. He has the talking down, the walking down, the vicious stare that would make you do anything he demanded. Though he isn't the biggest or baddest hero in the roster, Jackson plays the man with an iron fist. He gets an overall A-.

Also unofficially leading our troops is Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man. If you haven't seen him in either Iron Man films yet don't worry cause the man nails the role. He's got the charm, the stance, the c*cky/doucheyness that makes Tony Stark such a lovable character. Does he maybe have a little more screen time than the other six? Yeah probably. Do we care? Hell to the no! A+

Then there's Chris Evans playing one of my personal favorite heroes of ever, Captain America. The First Avenger is one of only two films I missed leading up to the Avengers, so after FF I put a little bit of distance from him. But the man graces the stage as the world's first hero! He's a badass, and probably my favorite of the bunch. A-

As for the two gods of the film we have Chris Hemsworth playing Thor and Tom Hiddleston playing Loki. In one sweet sentence, both of them have improved tremendously since their predecessor, especially Hiddleston. The man jumped from a jealous, shy villain to an outrageous monster with nothing but conquer on his mind, and you know what? You kind of root for him! Hemsworth too improves on his performance as the demigod. He's so much more emotional and so much more relatable this time around. Loki gets an A- while Thor gets a B+.

For our two master assassins we have Jeremy Renner playing Hawkeye and the only woman I'd let roundhouse-kick me in the face, Scarlett Johanson as Black Widow. What I find most remarkable about these two characters is that though they don't have such marvelous moments as the big baddies of the team - and yes, that was a pun - when you leave the film, you even consider them as being the best of the gang! Whedon has made BW a more relative character to the story. She's not just the eye candy you gobble over and forget you're watching Iron Man 2 cause you're too busy daydreaming over a nice evening with her and how much of a dumbass Ryan Reynolds is for letting her go that she used to be. She's valuable to the story, and more importantly the action. As for Renner, from the beginning I thought he was a little miscast, but I've gotta hand it to the guy. He changed my mind. Should he have deserved a little more screen time? Yes, but you forget that he's not as spectacular as the others because in the last thirty minutes of the film the guy totally steals the show! Black Widow gets a B+ while Hawkeye gets a B-.

And last but not least there's the one everyone disliked the most... from the beginning that is: Mark Ruffalo as the incredible Hulk. Not seeing the Incredible Hulk, I couldn't really take place in the whole Norton-Ruffalo debate so I'll just say it. Ruffalo - kicks - ass! Both Banner and Hulk have some of the funniest parts of the whole film, and when I say funny, you'll laugh even harder because the Hulk himself makes you laugh so much. Hulk gets an A+ and Banner gets an A-.

(Other honorable mentions: Clark Gregg playing the ever-so likable Agent Phil Coulson, and Cobie Smulders playing Fury's right hand woman Maria Hill. And I challenge this: Smulders out-hotted Johanson. Discuss.)

And who can forget the man that made it all, Joss Whedon. If you don't know Joss Whedon by now, what the hell is wrong with you? The man is a legend when it comes to fiction like this. He's made a film that could have easily failed with so many characters into a piece of art! The action is f*cking INSANE! The plot is actually intriguing, the visuals will give you an eye boner! Am I making myself clear!? I salute you Whedon.

So as I sit here watching the first X-Men movie, all I can think is, "Why aren't you as good as the Avengers?" What's to come from Marvel next? All I can say is that even though it might be a great sequel or first start to a new franchise, it can't touch what Whedon's done. I can't get this film or the fun I had out of my brain. Marvel's the Avengers gets 10 Captain America trading cards out of 5! But by Movieweb law I can only give it 5.

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Comments (20)

  1. Nicholaus XX

    @ROFLitschristian -- Nice review, man. I do - however - think it's a bit early to call Joss Whedon a legend. That aside, I'll try to see this movie next weekend.

    3 years agoby @XxNickTheFilmCriticXxFlag

  2. Ghostman

    @ejk1 haha I was being more blunt and literal about it.

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  3. ejk1

    @ghostman I think you could infer that in my previous statement. Like if both came up to me, I wasn't going to say, "nope, only one of you gets to come home with me tonight. sorry." lol

    3 years agoby @ejk1Flag

  4. Ghostman

    @ejk1@ROFLitschristian I don't about you guys but I would have a threesome with both of them.

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  5. ROFLitschristian

    @ejk1 SUPER AGREED! LoL, I like how you're the only one who discussed.

    3 years agoby @ROFLitschristianFlag

  6. ejk1

    @ROFLitschristian Good stuff, bro. I liked both women equally. As in, if either one came up and offered me a night of sex, I wouldn't turn it down.

    3 years agoby @ejk1Flag

  7. ROFLitschristian

    @the-movieghost Thanks for reading!!! And YES! Phase Two all the way!

    3 years agoby @ROFLitschristianFlag

  8. the MovieGhost

    Great review! I agree (as if I could ever disagree) that Hulk had THE best/funniest moments in the Movie.

    Now I can't wait for "Phase Two" of all this; Iron Man 3, Thor 2, and Cap 2!

    3 years agoby @the-movieghostFlag

  9. Sean

    @ROFLitschristian Oh, i see what you mean.

    3 years agoby @themoviefanaticFlag

  10. ROFLitschristian

    @themoviefanatic Thanks for reading. But I wasn't saying people DO hate the new Hulk. I was saying that people claimed they were going to hate him before seeing anything. And those people just ate their words. :P

    3 years agoby @ROFLitschristianFlag

  11. ROFLitschristian

    @ghostman Avenger's movie > any type of Justice League anything!

    3 years agoby @ROFLitschristianFlag

  12. Sean

    @ROFLitschristian Great review! But honestly, what you've said about the Hulk, i don't think everyone hates the Hulk thats in this movie. In fact if i am not mistaken, everyone like this Hulk more than any of the previous versions of the Hulk from the previous Marvel movies.

    3 years agoby @themoviefanaticFlag

  13. Ghostman

    @ROFLitschristian Coulson with that Destroyer grenade, his reaction after he fired it was priceless!

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  14. Ghostman

    @ROFLitschristian Haha just realized I tagged my myself. Everything seemed to be done right; Iron Man's story felt like a continuation from the second one (don't wanna ramble one with how much I love this movie, cuz I will) but I'm gonna say I was more excited to see what they would do with Cap. And i wasn't disappointed with Hulk either. Hawkeye was amazing. Let's just take the easy way out and say that the Team as a "Whole" were the best!

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  15. ROFLitschristian

    @ghostman Haha, well your review completely inspired mine. You reviewed this movie for what it's all about: the characters!

    And yeah, I loved that about Capt. And YES! I wanted more Maria Hill! I felt bad for her; seemed like every scene she was in she got effed up. :P

    So who would you say was the best? I still can't decide! Everyone's a contender.

    3 years agoby @ROFLitschristianFlag

  16. Ghostman

    @ghostman Also, Iron Man may take the "lead" but Capt. America was the one giving out the orders during battle, which i loved.

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  17. Ghostman

    @ROFLitschristian Awesome review! I agree with everything you've said. Your "dissect these panty jizzers" line was hilarious! I gotta admit, Smulders was super hot but she could have been in the movie more.

    3 years agoby @ghostmanFlag