Machete: Review By Zak Lee Ferguson

Machete is a cheap, trashy, satirical political, gory, load of crap! I love it, not only is he referring to the great days of Grind house but also just a fun, unwary, unique balls out piece of action.

Machete all started back in 1995 when Rodriguez met Danny Trejo, the cool, macho Mexican who can deliver a punch. During loads of small roles as hit men or as Machete himself Robert decided to make Machete into a false trailer! But who knew it would get a cult following, so Robert pulled up his trousers and went at it with stealth, stamina and a sick wizened crazed mind, bringing his passion to life.

Machete opens up where he is a Mexican federal, on a mission to collect a kidnapped beauty, taken bound, possibly dead by Arch-enemy Terez (Steven Seagal, who? Straight-DVD releases guy, who Trejo has co-starred with before? Ohhh.....Yeah!!!!) but while getting there, arriving with a swipe of his long, steel blade, he decapitates at least three heads, then five in one go. But it is a trap, and what a trap, Terez has his wife, CHING! her heads off! Oh originality of Mr. Rodriguez!!! Tut, Tut!

Three years later he is stalking about aimlessly, popping by to see She' (Michelle Rodriguez) getting followed by an Immigration Officer (Jessica Alba, lord she is so hot, beauty doesn't come as-erm-beautiful) and Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro in his best performance, comically and seriously in a while, but still has a big EGO)

who has made it apparent that he wont stand illegal immigrants crossing the border. So Machete is hired to kill the senator for so many reasons, and twists and gasp pursuing sequences, oh i cant contain myself!!! Micheal Booth (Jeff Fahey) has offered Machete $15.000 for the assassination of McLaughlin for some unscrupulous reason, but what follows is a double crossing. See here starts the twist, full of political straights, pushing the button, Rodriguez poking at, the faults in governments and countries collisions. Soon throughout Machete is out for revenge, but on the run from many simplistic gangs, and suit clad gringos. Machete is pisssed, who will believe him, can his Padre (Cheech Marin-hilarious, full of heart and soul, and two heavy fuelled shot guns). Soon Machete (also an illegal immigrant) starts a war between borders, finding friends in the wrong places, and bedding both Michaels daughter April (Lindsay Lohan) and his wife.

So got that, this is both a Rodriguez film, but also shared with Ethan Maniquis, who has worked with Robert through his career on editing, but i tell you this, their cinema styles do differ, also why would Rodriguez share the limelight on his baby, on his idea, on his film, and i stress on his, own wholesome feature film. But does it stop the film from being what it is, no, just another mad bastard doing in on the action. Machete starts off with trademark, false digitised scratches, and jumps, cleverly orchestrated, jumping, scratching , pushing in and out of frame as if the projector is not working, and the slickest title sequence in many years.

Its got gruesome gore, its exploitative and daft, in the beginning where we see a young beauty pull out a mobile phone from her, ahem, dirty bits, with a slopping gooey sound effect over laid, to give the audience more to ooh, ah , groan about. Its ridiculous rubbish, but good looking, full of vast browns, and oranges, also a small performance from Don Johnson, introducing Don Johnson, huh! Well okay if you say so, a immigrant hating vile bastard. The score is form Chingon, not Robert himself, but this has everything i love about these type of films. Gore, strong structural deep messages embedded into the worst film to put political views across in, explosive, and making most of what its budget can!!!

Films such as these are films me and Reviewer TheStonedReviewer would love to make, edit, film, star in and direct, a unique film, where Danny Trejo can shine at last, but throughout slow on his feet, his rolls always in focus, at least a decade too late.

But the actresses are easily just as corny, cheesy, but groping it by the balls and going with it, but necessary scenes cut out, especially Jessica Alba's twin sisters sequences, so poorly acted and cut, and Rose McGowan's hit women who likes to shoot through cats and cut open peoples throats with Stanly blades.

Over blown, ridiculous, bloody horrid, sexy, deliciously photographed.

Surprisingly, you would think, of of course Lindsay Lohan would sell out in a film such as this, as she has revealed all, her breasts, her p*ssy, done a sex tape, is a lesbian, has no ego to keep up now, shes a state, well the nude bit was not her in the swimming pool .So some people do have their standards?! But still you do get a peep or two, possibly she was sick that day, or was filming another award winning sex tape.

Nimrod Antal has a very funny cameo as a body guard pleading for survival.

As the ending states there will be more Machete

Coming Soon:

Machete Kills

Machete Kills Again

Cnat wait, more gore, raw, harcore stuff.