Jason X: Review By Vamp

Well here we are on the actual final movie of the original "Friday the 13th" series, unless of course you count "Freddy Vs. Jason," which is what I do... With the ending of "Jason Goes to Hell," we saw Freddy Krueger's iconic knife-gloved arm pulling Jason's mask down into hell. This was to be a prelude to "Freddy Vs. Jason," which we didn't get until AFTER this. The reason I count "Freddy Vs. Jason" as the finale of the "Friday the 13th" series, though in all reality it marks the finish of BOTH the "Friday the 13th" and the "A Nightmare On Elm Street" series, is because I'd rather not remember this pathetic excuse for horror as "The Final 'Friday the 13th.'" Though I may not be a fan of futuristic movies..... I can't help but, once again, at least giving the creaetors of this movie credit for, once again, taking initiative and trying to come up with something new and inventive to keep the fans coming, without seeing the same-old everything that we've been getting throughout the series. However... Sending Jason into space was about the dumbest thing they could have done. I may not like the "Leprechaun" movies, but that was their downfall... What on God's green Earth possessed them to choose a space station as Jason's next target? Granted, as I was saying, they were searching for new ideas and things to bring to the series to keep the fans interested and wanting more from the series. Sadly, though, this plan and idea failed, and it failed bad. I don't mean like the, "Why in the world did they give the main woman superpowers?" feeling that "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood" had, I mean an "Oh my God, what on EARTH were they f*cking THINKING when they made this?" kind of fail Now, that's not to say this movie isn't worth anything, either. That's why I gave it one star. It's comedic value is priceless, and watching the movie, you can't wait for Jason to kill his next victim because you know how f*cking funny it's going to be, whether it be the way Jason reacts to the new surroundings, or the dying comments of the characters, something about the kill will most likely make you laugh. At least that's the way it was with me. I liked Uber Jason, though. That was kind of awesome.

James "Jim" Isaac directs this unintentionally hilarious end to the "Friday the 13th" series. I expected a lot more from Isaac, oweing to the fact that Isaac was the director of one of my favorite werewolf movies, "Skinwalkers," in which he definitely did a great job. Now, the entire movie cannot be blamed on Isaac, as it's not all his, as "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan" was all Rob Hedden's. Isaac did the directing. He does come up with some awesome angles, I must admit, for the kills. The best angle is scene in the screw death, as I call it. You'll know it when you see it, but he has an awesome angle for when the body is rotating down the screw. Anyhow, Isaac also manages some interesting filters for parts. My favorite filter that is used happens to be on Earth in the future, when you see the people departing it for the space ship with Jason's and Rowan's bodies. It's an interesting effect that makes the whole planet look barren and deserted, which, for what it's worth in the film, was a really excellent filter to use. However, Isaac definitely didn't direct his actors very well. I can't describe HOW he didn't this, exactly, all I can say is that if you watch the movie you'll see exactly what I mean. Now, the writer for this movie is a man named Todd Farmer. Farmer also disappoints me with his hand in this movie. Farmer is known for doing the writing on the screenplay of "My Bloody Valentine 3D" as well as the story for one of my favorite horror movies from 2007, "The Messengers." By mentioning these two, I can show that Farmer really has talent. With "My Bloody Valentine 3D" he shows how well he can write a screenplay, which is something he utterly failed at with this, aiming it to scare the audiences, and instead, causing them to laugh their asses offf. With "The Messengers" he shows that he can create a really interesting concept for a movie, which is another thing which he utterly failed at. Granted, putting Jason in space, was an attempt to bring freshness to the series, and I give him credit for that, but the result was, as I said, hilarious. Not just laughable, out right laugh-out-loud comedy is what this movie was, and when you think about it, the fact that it's trying to scare you just makes you laugh harder. Although, like I said, I like the aspect of Uber Jason, despite the fact that "Uber Jason" is such a stupid name. I don't know what Farmer was thinking with this, but it was his first film, and after it, he manages to create a couple of decent movies. If I were Victor Miller, I would be a little disappointed with what happened to his brainchild, Jason Voorhees. The real Victor Miller, though, was a producer for this movie, so he was backing it anyway, which strikes me as odd, seeing the result as it is. Definitely not the greatest spectacle of writing that the world has seen, but it IS one of the funniest movies you'll come across.

The visuals of this movie, are actually done really well, in my opinion. What I usually hate about futuristic movies is all of the hight-tech bullsh*t that everyone always comes up with. This one has the high-tech bullsh*t and stuff, but it just adds to the hilarity of this movie all the more. First of all, we've got the point of view of Jason Voorhees as he kills. It's the same way it has been since "Friday the 13th: A New Beginning." You see him coming, you see him killing, and you see him slashing all the way around. This doesn't have an eeriness or creepiness as previous installments in the "Friday the 13th" series have. Why, you ask? Because you WANT Jason to come around and cap these stupid ass annoying characters. Jason's looks in this one are done very well. He's grown hair... Which is new, but whatever... Jason's mask is fully restored, somehow unexplained, and his head has shrunk down to a normal size, so he looks as badass as ever again. When you add that metal collar, you've got one really awesome looking badass. In this movie we have what I consider to be Jason's final transformation, and that's to the aptly named Uber (Which for those of you who don't know German; "Uber" means "Super") Jason. He's half robot because of some nanobot-like technology that fused itself to him when he was blown to bits. He's got a new, badass looking mask, and everything. I won't ruin it all, but just watch this hilarious movie to see the entire ensemble. The blood in this movie looks pretty real, but it's not done as well as previous installments in the franchise have done. They managed to make it look good enough to make the kills look interesting. Which brings me to the kill of the movie. The most memorable kill for me, was when Jason took the doctors-woman, dumped her face into the freezer mist stuff, and then shattered her face on the counter. It was so awesome, that it was the one I remembered throughout the movie. While the movie literally fails in every other aspect possible, it manages to develop some pretty kickass visuals to go with everything.

The Storyline of this movie utterly fails in every aspect. I give them credit, as I've said, for attempting, once again, to bring some freshness to the series. It's nice to see that they care enough about the fans to try and perk their interest in the series by coming up with new twistst for the series. It's just that, so far, the twists they have come up with have been failing their movies one after another. With "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood" they tried giving the lead girl superpowers, and it was just too much to swallow, even for a "Friday the 13th" movie. With "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan," they tried to put Jason in a new territory, but due to a completely underdeveloped script, and bad acting, it turned out to be disastrous, and almost as funny as this movie was. Putting Jason in space, as I said, turned out, as it does for any movie sequel where they send the main character into space. It turns out to be terrible. The concept of introducing a character into the future and into space, that wasn't DEVELOPED for the future in space, is terrible, and though it may seem like it'd make some great scenes, it never does. It just creates stupidity, and makes the product quality awful. Jason is the prime example of this. Jason was made for the woods. In all aspects of the sense, Jason is old school, mean putting him in space would make him find everything as odd or strange, and make him explore things. But it's Jason! We don't want him to to explore sh*t or be wowed that technology has made such an advancement in the four hundred years since his cryogenic freezing. We want to see him find new spaceage tools, and butcher the sh*t out of some futuristic little brats, as they have some form of new space age sh*t. On second thought, we don't even want that! We just want a good old-fashioned slaughterfest that Jason Voorhees always gives us. Just come up with a new twist, spend time on the storyline and the script, and make it fun. While I'm at it, spend more than a year on the movie! If you took your time you'd probably have more hits than you do! Anyway, like I said, the Storyline for this movie was a nice try at bringing us freshness, but ultimately it fails.

The story starts in the year 2008. Jason Voorhees (Played by Kane Hodder of "Alligator II: The Mutation") has finally been apprehended, and is at the Crystal Lake Research facility kept under lock and chain, and watched under all time. Since they've tried everything, it has finally been decided that Jason will be cryogenically frozen until such a time as they can develop a way of permanently defeating the maniacal and unkillable maniac. As things are about to progress, a group of doctors barge in, and confront the lead doctors on the project, Rowan (Played by Lexa Doig of "No Alibi"). Meanwhile, Jason stays in his chained bindings and stares at the guard on duty. The guard begins to get a little creeped out by Jason's seemingly infinite stare, and covers him up with a rag. As this happens, Rowan confronts the doctors' unapproved interruption. They tell her that she is not to freeze Jason because he was too great of a clinical aspect for freezing. A man who could regenerate so rapidly, and not die? He was too great to be frozen for no one to probe and study for answers to stopper death. Rowan is completely against it, knowing, like we do, that there is no containing Jason. He will kill and kill and kill until either his Mother tells him to stop, or someone finally figures out how to kill him once and for all. There is no point in studying him if the doctors are going to be repeatedly killed as they study. She tries to tell them this, but they insist upon moving him to a larger research facility upstate. She storms out of the room, as the doctors head in to get a good look at Jason. As they pull the cover off of Jason, they find not Jason's body bound in the chains, but the young guard who had dared to cover him up. Suddenly Jason appears, and begins to kill the doctors and their security guards. As Rowan is pacing outside, one of the security guards flies through the door and crashes into the wall near her. She tries to ask him what happened, but he dies. She heads into the room and sees the slaughterfest that only Jason could have been behind. Soon, she finds herself confronted with Jason, and she runs, heading into the Cryo-Chamber with Jason behind her. As he heads into the chamber, she escapes it and closes the hatch door, hitting the switch on the button that starts the cryogenic freeze. However, as he is starting to freeze, Jason stabs his machete through the door and into her, causing a cryogenic leak, sealing off the entire room as it fills with the freezing cryogenic mist. She staggers into a corner, and falls into a cryo-sleep. Over four hundred years pass, and a group of searchers uncover both bodies and bring them aboard. They find that they can awaken Rowan, and do, by using a special nanobyte technology that brings her temperature up, restoring her cells and her muscle tissue, and completely repairing the stab wound left to her by Jason Voorhees before she entered cryo-sleep. When she has recovered fully, she explains what happened to her, and who the other body is, finding out that they brought him on board. She also finds out that Earth is uninhabitable, and that it moved to a second planet, dubbed Second Earth, where everyone was living peacefully. On the ship is Professor Lowe (Played by Jonathan Potts of "Resurrection") who found out who Jason was and has decided to sell him off for others to study, and a group of his students, including Tsunaron (Played by Chuck Campbell of "Phase IV"), Janessa (Played by Melyssa Ade of the made-for-TV movie, "Dear America: When Will This Cruel War Be Over"), Waylander (Played by Derwin Jordan of "Turn It Up"), Azrael (Played by Dov Tiefenbach of "One of Them"), Kinsa (Played by Melody Johnson of "The Virgin Suicides"), Adrienne (Played by Kristi Angus of "Jill Rips"), and Stoney (Played by Yani Gellman of "Urban Legends: Final Cut"). With them on the ship, are the head of the E-X Grunts, Seargant Brodski (Played by Peter Mensah of "Harvard Man"), and his team of E-X Grunts: Kicker (Played by Barna Moricz of "Yaddie and Dah"), Briggs (Played by Dylan Bierk of the made-for-TV movie "Webs"), Dallas (Played by the writer of this movie, Todd Farmer), Condor (Played by Steve Lucescu of "Bulletproof Monk"), Sven (Played by Thomas Seniuk of "Bar Life", and Geko (Played by Amanda Brugel of "Kaw"), as well as the pilot, Fat Lou (Played by Boyd Banks of "Chasing Cain"), the engineer, Crutch (Played by Phillip Williams of the made-for-TV movie "Gross Misconduct," where he had a bit part), and the intelligence android, Kay-Em 14 (Played by Lisa Ryder of "Stolen Heart"). As things progress, we see that Professor Lowe is not a very moralized teacher, and that he has some sort of kinky sex with Janessa so that she passes her final automatically. Meanwhile, under Professor Lowe's bidding, Adrienne is performing examinations on Jason to see how everything with him is going, and what he looks like under the mask. As she has her back turned, Jason awakens from his Cryo Sleep now that he is out of the chamber, and cryo-freezes her face, and shatters it, heading out of the room off to find more people to fulfill his bloodlust. Soon, Rowan tells him that he needs to destroy Jason to be completely safe. Professor Lowe tells her that he can't do that because of the value to learning he posed, and assures her that he is safe in the laboratory with Adrienne. Rowan wants proof, and when they go to the lab, they find Adrienne's dead body. Professor Lowe sends the E-X Grunt team out to get him, but Jason picks them off, one by one. Soon, the entire ship is faced with the terror that is Jason Voorhees. But Tsunaron, Kay-Em 14's programmer has an idea. He programs the information bot for combat, and sends her out against Jason well equipped. During the battle, much of the ship is damaged, but Kay-Em 14 emerges victorious, with Jason laying dead on the examination table. They now need to find help, and as they set out to go about getting that help, we see Jason laying on the table, as the computers malfunction, and send their healing nanobyte technology towards Jason. The crew find out that Jason had killed their pilot, as they make their way to the Solaris Station, halfway point between Earth and Second Earth, and crash through it, destroying it utterly, and leaving them floating in space. Meanwhile, Jason is reformed by the nanobyte technology as It heals him and reforms him into Uber Jason, an unstoppable robotic Jason, thus fulfilling the tagline as Evil Gets an Upgrade. Now the ship is faced with a terror that they cannot even begin to understand, as they try frantically to get help as they wander around aimlessly space. The cast of this movie do absolutely terrible with their characters, as they try and be series, but when you watch the movie you try and understand them as more of Comedy characters, which they do well The only upside to any of the acting in this movie is the return of Kane Hodder, who, as of yet, is the only man to return to play the unstoppable killing machine in the movies, archive footage aside. He does excellent once more as our murdering friend, Jason Voorhees, and really brings the mask to life as he always does, with his excellent movements, and doing the same thing to the new mask when he becomes Uber Jason. All of the other characters do terribly at trying to portray their parts, and don't get down the right emotions, feelings, worries, or other such characteristics for their individual characters WHATSOEVER. DEFINITELY a terrible job (Kane Hodder aside) at the casting of this movie.

All in all, this was one of those movies that you could classify as, "So bad that it is good." The unbelievably terrible cast, and the new twist to the series, really make it one of the funniest movies that I have ever seen, which, along with the visuals, is why it got the one star in my review that it did. Kane Hodder's return also helped that a little bit, too. The Director of this movie manages to do a decent job on his part for the movie, acting Direction aside, and really offers up some interesting new angles and filters for the new space-age kills that appear in this movie, really bringing out more hilarity in the movie in and of itself, though the intended result was creepiness. DEFINITELY a semi-good job on the Directing of this movie. The Writing of this movie was done horribly. While I give credit for a nice attempt at something new, it ultimately fails at it's goal of scaring the audience, and ends up being one hilarious slaughterfest. DEFINITELY a terrible job on the Writing of this movie. The Visuals of this movie are the one part that manage to do good, creating an excellent point of view for the killer that really adds more hilarity to the movie, as well as an upgrade from the looks of Jason that we had in "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday," and more bloody and interesting kills, with pretty realistic looking blood. DEFINITELY an alright job on the Visuals of this movie. The Storyline of this movie was another utter failure, and while, like I said, I have to give them credit for trying to bring us something new, they fail utterly by sending our murdersome friend, Jason Voorhees, into space, and area that he was not meant to dominate. It turned what was supposed to be really scary, into what ended up being incredibly hilarious. DEFINITELY a terrible job on the Storyline of this story. The Acting ties everything about this movie together. All of the Actors and Actresses (One again, Kane Hodder aside) deliver performances as characters that are NOT Convincing, NOT Believable, and NOT Realistic, as well as delivering performances as characters that you can NOT feel for, or RELATE TO, although I don't think you would be able to even if it WAS a good movie, on ANY level whatsoever. DEFINITELY a terrible job on the Casting of this movie. So if you've been a fan of this series through and through, from the ups to the downs, then give this movie a watch. You'll laugh your ass of and most likely like it because of that. Who knows, if you've seen the rest, watch this one, too, just tell yourself not to take it seriously, and that it's more comedy than it is horror. If you do this, then I am almost POSITIVE that you will not get disappointed with the hilarity of the movie AT ALL. I know I didn't!!!!!

THIS CONCLUDES PART 10 IN MY REVIEW SERIES FOR THE "FRIDAY THE 13TH" SERIES!!!!! STAY TUNED FOR PART 11, "FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)!!!!!"