House: Review By The CryptKeeper

I almost bought this thing. Glad I didn't. Now, I went to Blockbuster and saw this there. But other movies had come out that week that I also wanted to see. So I got them, and figured I'd come back for this. A week or two went by, and it was always rented out. I was disappointed because I had heard about the movie years ago, and then it came out, but the 4 theaters near me didn't have it. Now I'm glad they didn't have it. It would have been one of the biggest wastes of money ever.

The story could have been slightly good. But the movie made it horrible. Like 2 people get in this little tiny car wreck, and end up in this house, with 3 owners that are hilariously psycho, and another couple. Then some guy is outside and throws a can inside. It says 3 rules. But they're not rules. All he says is that he killed God, and wants a dead body by sunrise. All these words probably couldn't have fit on one little can, but oh well. It's a terrible story, that maybe could have been good, but wasn't.

Wow, the acting was bad. I was laughing til I cried sometimes. Never seen any of the actors besides Michael Madsen, and lately he's been doing some bad movies. This adds to the list of them.

What really made me mad was when the actors stated the obvious. "Jack, Jack, we were in a house".....ya, no sh*t lady. We just watched you and other idiots for over an hour in a house. Duh. They do that throughout the whole film, too.

Never heard of the director, but he sucked. Obviously this was filmed in an hour and 20 minutes, because that's how long the movie is.

Visuals were very bad. The make-up was funny, not scary, and it was totally obvious that it was make-up. The girl that was supposed to be hot wasn't at all. And quite unlike the Amityville Horror, I didn't get any scares out of the look of the house. It was just a house that wasn't even scary.

I do not recommend this at all. It was really one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and it was just a big waste of time. It was based on a book that I read most of. The book was good....this is only an insult to it.