Hedwig and the Angry Inch: Review By B. Alan Orange

F' the Long Beach Book & Brew. I go over there with my backpack on and it sets off their alarm? Then the girl working the counter takes a paid-for DVD out of my backpack and it still sets off the alarm? Then she gets mad and yells at me to come into the store? I didn't do anything, why is she angry at me? I yell back and she turns to that "the customer is always right" passive-aggressive tone of voice, "See, all you had to do was come in the store." She swipes my backpack over the alarm deactivator, handing the thing back to me, "Have a nice day, Sir." A sentence filled with rancor and spite. This girl was hating me for no reason. I could read it in her evil stare. I have nothing to do with their malfunctioning theft device, but all blame is on me. I wanted to leave. Instead, I decided to browse the store. It was of no use; I couldn't concentrate on my browsing technique. 3 minutes in and I had to ditch the place. As I'm leaving, I overhear that kooze complaining to one of her co-workers about me. Am I Hitler? Do I deserve this? I try to give her my meanest face, but a cop and a security guard are up on my back as I head out the door. F' the Book & Brew.

Then I get home and get the call. Of course they send the guy on the hill with the three-tier house and the BMW out to see Planet of the Apes. That's an easy-do. Tim Burton, Marky-Mark and the Monkey Bunch, that hot model from Sly Stallone's Driven wearing nothing but a loin cloth. (She even comes complete with her own action figure afterwards) Who's not going to like that? Even if he doesn't, #*@! him. Nobody cares about his opinion. The rest of us are still going to go see it opening weekend regardless of his jaded view. Yup