G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Review By PypeBomb

Let me first start off by saying that I didn't have very high expectations for this one. But, I figured it would be a cool (action packed) way to spend a Friday night. The action was pleantiful (almost 95% of the film was action scenes). But that didn't make a sh*t of difference, because the movie was a c*ck sucking train wreck.

The acting was terrible...I blame this mostly on the script; but what can one expect from a group of "Made for MTV" calibur actors? Anyone whos says that the acting didn't pull you out of the film, and make you feel insulted, is a f*cking liar.

The Joe(s) didn't feel American at all; in fact, some of them weren't. The base was in the middle of EGYPT??? WTF!?!?! And, OH MY GOD, Dennis Quaid...what a f*cking no-talent douche. If the movie was spot on perfect (which it wasn't by a long shot) his performance alone would have completely killed it for me.

The movie kept making me feel like I was watching Star Wars Episode I...but only worse than that piece of sh*t. Imagine if every character was Jar-Jar...and then imagine it being even more terrible, and you're still not quite there. In fact, the only way to truely experience the catastrophic level of failure of this film is to go see it for yourself. BUT DON'T!! Let this f*cker fail at the box office.

The CGI and effects were just absolutely horrendous. They looked hurried along, unpolished, unfinished...and just plain sloppy.

Cobra Commander didn't even have the 'hissss' in his voice...WTF!?!?!

This is a perfect example of something that should have never been released. It fails harder than anything I have seen this summer...and I have seen some real bombs.

I want the 2 wasted hours of my life and my $15.00 back. This was 100% bullsh*t at its most epic.

DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS F*CKING GARBAGE.