Friday the 13th: Review By Rama's SCREEN

Mar 15th, 2009 by Rama's SCREEN
Softcore Porn
  • OVERALL
    2.0
    POOR
  • Story
  • Acting
  • Directing
  • Visuals
I don’t see why they have to resurrect Jason, Director Marcus Nispel’s vision does nothing but add gore and silliness to this beat down franchise. And just like typical Michael Bay-produced horror movie, this one is also more about… soft-core porn than it is a scarefest. A channel for today’s struggling young hot stars to show off their stupendous boobs for the big screen and for talented actors to get gigs so they can pay for their dollar menu lunch.

I was ready to keep my eyes and mind open to see if the movie has a certain ability to scare the sh*t out of the audience, and for a few moments at the beginning, it does exactly that. It’s funny how eventhough the character Jason is considered retarded, for some odd reason, he can always come up with creative ways to kill his preys.. after a while you begin to wonder, if he’s actually more brilliant than he looks.

He shows up in one place and then vanishes into thin air and then appears in another place within a blink of an eye. The whole thing is laughable, I know he knows his way through the forest like the back of his hand but his flash superpower and ability to keep living after being killed is downright ridiculous.

And some of the methods he uses are hilarious. He’s supposed to be retarded and yet he’s skilled at shooting arrows.. WTF! Who’s the Mr. Miyagi that’s been teaching him all these years!

Gorgeous ladies in this movie, I can’t say enough about the casting selection. Those girls are there to make audiences get a boner before the slashing and the mayhem begin. But even those hotties can’ salvage this remake from becoming one of the most unnecessary flicks of the year.

If you’re seeing this movie just to check out how much pints of blood can be spilled in the process, then it’s mission accomplished, but don’t expect satisfaction guaranteed because you’ll find yourself saying.. ‘gimme a break!’ or ‘get the F outta here!’

Asian actor Aaron Yoo is supposed to be the comic-relief but he’s too annoying, gross, and unlikeable.

It is darker, and much bloodier than the original version in the 80s but that’s about as close to a sincere compliment as I can give.

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Comments (4)

  1. Renesis

    I wouldn't even bother to reference that 9th movie as it's nothing but a filler because F vs. J was in development hell at the time (Not to mention Adam Marcus royally bitch slapped the franchise with whatever the hell it was he was trying to do.) I don't even recognize it as being a Friday the 13th movie, just a horror film that Jason has a cameo appearance in - nothing more. In any case, it appears that no one, and no matter how smart one claims to be, I do mean no one has ever heard (or understood) the concept of instantaneous movement, and everyone keeps judging movies for what they think it's supposed to be, or comparing it to another movie instead of grading the movie for what it is. Another thing being I've told many people before regardless of whatever genre the movie might fall into - if you're sitting and attempting to actually predict what's going to happen every waking second of the movie, what are you doing in the theater in the first place? I'd respect the review and your decision to rate it with 2 stars if it were honest, and not this premeditated crap that everyone else seems to say.

    3 years agoby @renesisFlag

  2. Shelley

    I really enjoyed this movie. Good review by the way.

    3 years agoby @shelleyFlag

  3. MovieBuff

    I think 2 stars is about right... its just a slasher film BUT... I can answer many of your questions:

    1) Jason has NEVER been retarded. Why would you think that? The myth goes like this: Jason, a normal kid, drowned during summer camp because the counselors were busy having sex instead of watching the kids. He was resurrected by the Devil to take revenge on the counselors of Camp Crystal Lake for allowing him to drown and killing his mother. Thus, he kills anyone in his camping ground. He's down right evil and... smart.

    2) He never "vanishes into thin air and then appears in another place within a blink of an eye"... this movie explains that there are tunnels in Camp Crysal Lake that allows Jason to move from one place to another alot faster than someone running on the surface. Shortcuts sort of speak.

    3) He's skilled at shooting arrows because the trophies on his shelves apparently explain he was a bow and arrow champion BEFORE he drowned as a kid. Thus... he's damn good with those arrows. haha

    4) Jason eventually comes back to life in every movie due to the fact (like I said before) he's actually from hell. Friday the 13th Part IX: Jason Goes To Hell explains all this.

    I agree with you on the naked hot chicks....Niiiiiice. But I disagree with you on Yoo. haha Get it? You on Yoo? Anyway, I thought he was pretty funny. Nice comic relief.

    Overall, the grade is fair. I liked it a little more than you but it wasn't a great flick. Just an average one.

    3 years agoby @moviebuff123Flag

  4. 313td

    Come on,it wasn't that bad.

    3 years agoby @313tdFlag