Eragon: Review By GloryZombie

I think I rather enjoy writing reviews for movies I don't like. It lets me go of on a longer tangent and I get a satisfaction that I think were all familiar with from trash talking bad movies.

Eragon is a horrible movie based on the equally bad book in the Inheritance Cycle. This whole series sucks on every level. It always pains me to watch books like this one and things from the twilight series climb to top of the best sellers list. It reminds me everyday of my misplaced faith in humanity. Oh well, perhaps someone will write something to purge the shelves of such literary garbage.

Eragon is about a boy named Luke Skywalker; the son of one of the most evil men in the empire. He finds himself rather rudely cast into the ranks of the ancient warriors that safeguarded peace before the times of the empire, and after the death of his uncle he forced to flee his homeland with the old hermit, storyteller from his village, Ben Kenobi. Out in the wilderness Ben and Luke seek out the Rebellion Alliance, the only standing resistance to the evil Empire.

I think I just made a mistake in mixing up a few names, but due to blatant plagiarism I still summarized the plot. Maybe Ben was really Brom, Luke was Eragon, and the Rebellion Alliance was the Varden but Paolini in essence if not in name still stole the whole plot line from Star Wars and adapted it to 700 pages of crap. What's more is that not only is the plot line stolen but all the characters are bland and one dimensional; built off of fantasy cliches and stereotypes. You never find yourself caring about any of the characters because there all rather annoying, stupid, or just an empty shell impossible to form an opinion about.

It's obvious to me where Paolini went wrong in writing Eragon, he started! Paolini said he was going for something in between Lord of the Rings and Beowulf, and he was serious. Anyone who knows anything about writing will tell you that basing your work around your inspiration, trying to emulate it, is the worst thing you can do. You end up producing a horrible writing that insults the classics you based it off and comes off as poor writing because you didn't put any substance into it. Writing is about self expression and imagination, how do you have either if you just try to emulate someone else's work? It's ok to be inspired, but don't just pull a bitch move and copy your inspiration. Try to dig deeper and write your own story.

With these things in mind to me it was inevitable that the Eragon movie would suck terribly, and I was right wasn't I? The general consensus seems to agree with me, but most people seem to think that the director or someone involved with the production went wrong. To me they could have had Vincent Price play Durza, and have Frank Capra as the director and it still would have been terrible. It wasn't any of the people involved in the productions fault that it sucked, it was the moment of thoughtlessness that inspired all of them to make a movie from a book without substance. The same thing happened when people decided to make Twilight, only Twilight had the rabid fan girls who wanted to watch the movie to ogle the actors. Something that rather disgusts me when I hear its part of peoples reasoning to see a movie.

The acting in the movie was terrible, which didn't surprise me that much despite the fact that I liked the cast. To me I was trying to imagine how the actors would give life to the substance less characters of the series. Again it wasn't the actors' fault they sucked in this particular film and the director (Stefen Fangmeier) clearly had no idea what he was doing. The best part of this movie by far were the visual which even then were mediocre.

In conclusion it was a movie born to be terrible and I feel deeply sorry for the actors who now walk with scarred reputations because of it.