Dragonball Evolution: Review By LEO: Lord Epsilon Omega

Great Apes, where do I begin? For over two decades, fans of the Dragonball series have been waiting for a credible movie based on their favorite show and manga. And when it finally happens...

Okay, I think I'll begin with the story and analyze how greatly they mauled it. Let's do this in a list form, shall we?

1. Goku is an adult.

2. Bulma is a badass.

3. Roshi is young.

4. No Krillin.

5. No Tien.

6. No Korin.

7. No Chaozu.

8. Chi-chi is not a princess.

9. Piccolo, Goku and Grandpa Gohan KNOW that Piccolo is a Namek.

10. ALL of the Nameks are evil.

11. Ki is made out of wind.

12. Ki is controlled by fire, wind and water bending (Hey James Wong, last time I checked, this was DRAGONBALL, not AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER, jackass).

13. A kamehameha was used to BRING SOMEONE BACK TO LIFE

14. The kamehameha was made of fire

15. Grandpa Gohan was killed by PICCOLO

16. Goku only goes great ape on THE ECLIPSE

17. Shenlong doens't talk, and is a flying LIZARD

18. No Kami. "Mystics" made the Dragonballs.

It seems that the only thing they got right with the story was that Piccolo was green and the Great Ape was a big ol' monkey. THAT'S IT.

Now, the acting. ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. Okay, I understand where the acting had to be a little corny sometimes to make a joke, but when it's throughout the whole movie? And when every actor acts like William Shatner? And it seems like this garbage belongs on the Sci-Fi channel?! Somebody shoot me now.

But even if you haven't heard of Dragonball before, or you're a Dragonball Hater, please, continue reading my review to find out why you must not see this movie.

Now, the special effects were okay. But a great deal of the time, they were confusing and difficult to understand how they happened. Plus, all the CGI effects were choppy, like a rookie in a college studio made them. The special effects were okay, but they left a lot of room for improvement. And I mean A LOT.

But now we get to the directing... Hoo hoo hooooo, I'm gonna have fun with this one. THIS IS ALL THE DIRECTOR'S FAULT. He wrote the script, and thus has proven to me that he DID NOT read the manga or watch the show at all. All he did was watch six episodes, and fast-forwarded through them. And every time he claimed that he did read the manga and watched the show, HE LIED. And then the acting was completely his fault as well. There was excellent talent in this movie, like Justin Chatwin, Chow-Yun Fat, and James Marsters. But the wonderful jerk known as James Wong completely dulled their talent and told them to act in a way that butchered their characters. And this is obvious.

So now, I saw unto you, the reader, boycott this movie. Do not waste your money on this atrocity. And maybe, just maybe, the sequel will be cancelled. I'm said to say it's too late for me. I paid to see this. Please, I beg of you, for your sake and everyone else's, do not give James Wong your money! PLEASE!!! The fate of the world rests in your hands!!!