Crank High Voltage: Review By Bryan Yentz

Out of all the movies that could have a sequel… Seriously… Did anyone actually see this coming? I mean, yes---we all saw the trailers, the television spots, the posters… But really, when the credits hit at the end of the first Crank was anyone truly expecting another installment to the Chelios saga? Sure it hinted at his survival after the helicopter plummet, but again… Really? Yet what I find even more surprising than the sequel’s green light, is the fact that High Voltage is actually pretty damn good and somehow succeeds on the bare-bones plot that came before it.

Okay, so I have to say, I enjoyed the first Crank for what it was. It was reminiscent of films like DOA (Dead on Arrival) with Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan, but it built itself on ridiculous action and f-bombs, rather than drama and suspense. It was a fun little flick that knew exactly what it was, and didn’t try to exceed that. Once again though; once it was finished, it wasn’t one that I found myself saying, “Wow, I wonder what they’ll pull off for the sequel!” It was done; caput; over and out… Yet here we are… And despite my initial beliefs, the directors have pulled it off quite well… Especially considering how sequels tend to fair.

So some people might be wondering how they could possibly make a sequel that remains consistent with the first---and here it is… Directly after the events of the first film, unbreakable Chev Chelios (once again played by Jason Statham) is literally scraped off of the pavement and hurdled to a Triad organization bent on learning his secrets (since it seems as though nothing can stop him) by harvesting his organs—namely his heart. The film later describes the myth revolving around the need for Chelios’ heart, and who wanted it, but all you really need to know is that Chev now has a battery-powered pumper that must be constantly electrically charged to keep it going. Thus, on his full-city rampage, Chelios must come up with increasingly creative means to keep himself juiced all the while searching, beating, maiming, and killing his way to his real heart. So yeah, it’s practically the same idea as the first---but this time around---it’s played out to its absolute fullest.

The best and most noticeable aspect to the film, is the same thing that made the first so much fun--- the pacing. As soon as this film boots up, it DOES NOT stop. This is perfect for this type of movie simply because there are no characters you feel for (or even want to feel for), and the story practically needs no development. Thus, the only problem comes with how you can keep an audience entertained for an hour and a half without any true development. So what do Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor do (both the writers and directors of the film---as well as the first), they up the ante in every conceivable way to make sure that every scene plays out differently than what you just saw. This goes all the more for how Chelios must keep his ticker pumping. One scene has him hooked up to a car battery; another has him being tasered; another has him putting on a shock collar… The ideas behind his adamant electrocutions constantly one-ups the last idea in terms of pure ridiculousness. Not only does this sort of unrealism go for his shock therapy---it goes for every possible characteristic of the film. Nothing is taken seriously and everything is taken as a complete and utter joke… Hell, even one showdown becomes a Godzilla-esque duel of baffling hilarity. If there is an ounce of depth to this movie, they hid at as well as what was in one of the Triad’s red box.

Taking what they did with the first film, Neveldine and Taylor take their frenetic recipe and make it all the more chaotic. Numerous moments play out like a music video blurred to the stylings of Guy Ritchie. Constant use of crazy steadicam shots, schizophrenic editing, filtering, whacked-out subtitles and furious beats keep the senses boggled and the blood pumping.

Oh yeah, and about the beats…

Mike Patton is awesome… Just gonna put it out there. Some might recognize him from the band Faith No More, whereas others might know him for his outstanding voice work in videogames like The Darkness (play it---it’s awesome), Left 4 Dead (fun with a bunch of people), and even Portal (if you haven’t played it, you’re missing out). Lending his strengths as a composer, Patton delivers music that keeps everything upbeat and pulsing. Chases, shoot-outs, even stalking---Mr. Patton has done an excellent job at keeping the score as quirky and adrenaline fueled as the movie it follows. Not to mention the film’s best (and my personal favorite) theme, simply titled, “Chelios”, which plays… Well, throughout the entire film.

Another level of entertainment comes in the form of actors they got for bit parts. Let’s see here… Bai Ling plays a whor* (go figure); Corey Haim (yeah… That’s right… The child star) is a mullet-sporting strip-bar attendee; the lead-singer of Linkin Park makes another cameo (as he did in the first); Napoleon Dynamite’s “Pedro” is here as a gay stripper seeking revenge for the death of his twin brother; David Carradine is a creepy, horny Chinese man… And… And well, the list still goes on… Despite the fact that some of these roles are as short as Verne Troyer, it still doesn’t stop them from being great gags, and offer yet another thing to steal your eye from all of the on-screen happenings.

Yet with a movie like this, you know you’re going to run into something that kills the mood…

And for me, some of the constant “EXTREMENESS!!!” gets a bit old. Many points in the film feel as though they’re just trying to promote how truly “awesome” they are (meaning the filmmakers) for “going there” and not being afraid of the consequences. Some scenes seem so preoccupied with appearing “cool” that it slightly ruins some of the fun that one can have with this sort of movie. It just feels as though they’re just trying to brag about their taboo-breaking anarchy---as if they’re somehow the archetypes of misogyny, vulgarity, and violence. Along with this self-righteous attitude is a total degradation of, well… Everything. No one is good, everyone is vile, violence is glorified, men and women alike are objectified bullet bags, mouths are stuffed with crude dialogue and sex is nothing more than a parade… The film takes every possible facet of morality; every possible vice and carries it to nearly pornographic heights. But the one thing saving it (and I’m not sure “saving” is the right word here, but yeah…), is the fact that---as I previously stated---THIS FILM IS A COMPLETE JOKE. It is making fun of every little thing; every type of person---it isn’t treating anything as if it were real life; it’s making fun of itself. Then again this is the content that should be expected from a film like Crank, so I don’t understand people being offended by it. If you see a movie like this---especially after witnessing what the film is rated ‘R’ for---there should be no excuse to someone rising up in protest. I’m simply stating this, because a lot of critics are out there attacking the movie for it. And all I have to say is… Well, duh. Look at the movie you’re watching. Added to this is the fact that multiple scenes also go on way too long. A sex scene on the horse tracks; a nipple-cutting---these scenes surpass the humor and horror they’re trying to develop by simply being way too long and feel as though they should have been placed on the DVD under extended/deleted scenes (because do we really need a close-up of a horse’s dong as a woman climaxes?).

Crank: High Voltage is unstoppable once it gets started. It’s a videogame movie in which it doesn’t take anything (not even itself) seriously. It, along with everything else is a joke---a stylistically driven joke---but a joke nonetheless. This is the kind of movie you can have fun with as long as you take everything you’re seeing with a grain of salt. I can’t say that about many films of this nature, but dammit… They pulled it off with this one… God forgive me for enjoying it.