Colombiana: Review By IlikePie202

I went into "Colombiana" not knowing what to expect. The trailer was mediocre. I still had some interest in the action, and Zoe Saldana is hot. It could've been fun to watch her kick some major ass, ignoring that she is skinny. I walked out very unsatisfied, not even as a popcorn flick.

"Colombiana" follows Cataleya, a girl whose parents were killed "in front of her" when she was 9 years old. She soon grows up to be an assassin. So, for the rest of the film, she tries to hunt down the people who killed her parents.

I know this is a revenge pop-corn action thriller, but there are so many scenes in this movie that are not the slightest of plausible. In one scene, Cataleya's uncle shoots up a car and everyone on the street sees him INCLUDING the cops.. nothing happens to him. He just walks away. There's another scene were she is swimming in a pool with sharks in them. Again, nothing happens to her.

The first scene (in which her parents are killed) is one of the worst scenes in a film this year without a doubt. When her parents are killed, there is no drama or intensity. If this part of the scene was powerful and dramatic, you might've actually felt bad that her parents were killed. After they're killed, one of the assassins starts talking to young Cataleya. She potentially stabs him in the hand, goes all Matrix on them, and escapes. The chance of a 9 year old girl escaping from a small house/apartment filled with assassins after her. Yeah, right.

Zoe Saldana and one of the people from the TV show "Alias" have a relationship here... LUCKY SON OF A BITCH! Although, he doesn't know that she is a killer, and he doesn't even know her real name. This relationship brought down the film quite a lot. It was very pointless, and it was focused on more than it should have. It made me say that this film is not even a full action movie, also due to its lack of excitement.

Another fatal flaw that shines in "Colombiana" is that it focuses on things that are unnecessary, like the relationship. That's just half of the problem. It also didn't focus enough on the cops going after Cataleya. There needed to be more of that.

Zoe Saldana is decent here, she's nice to look at and she's great in the action. But in some dramatic scenes, her performance feels a little bit forced. Her boyfriend is good as well. But the rest of the cast is horrendous.

Oliver Megaton really pissed me off in this film. He building up a bunch of suspense to make it feel like there was gonna be a very thrilling scene or an action scene, but really nothing happens after all of this built-up suspense. And he directs the action scenes fairly well.

The action in "Colombiana" is anti-climactic, but the stunt-work is still great. The last action scene is very unfortunate. This is the scene where she fights the guy who stabbed in the hand... how unpredictable as hell. This scene starts off amazingly, with some great music behind it and some cool stunt-work. The camera angles are going all over the place (not annoyingly). Then it turns into one of those handheld-like action scenes where the camera is shaking freaking everywhere. The action is semi-entertaining, but the movie is still unexciting and you don't care too much what happens to Cataleya.

Overall,"Colombiana" is a pretty lackluster movie. The dialogue is laughably bad, the action scenes are unfortunate, and the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. The only fully enjoyable thing are Zoe Saldana's hotness and acting in some scenes, the music, and Cataleya's boyfriend from "Alias".

"Colombiana" - 1.5 out of 5 stars