'Catwoman' Review By Bawnian©-Dexeus
Not My Favorite P*ssy
Directed by: Pitof
Starring: Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Tom Lone, and George Hedare.
Selina Kyle. Arguably the sexiest woman in the DC roster of female heroines, villains and anti-heroes. One problem though, this is not the Catwoman you've grown up with. This is not Selina Kyle. This my friends, is another bastardized character in the movie industry. Taking a break from Batman, I decided to revisit this project for the hell of it in my DC marathon. Meet Patience Philips, your average desk job secretary type character who gets for the third time the Michelle Pfeiffer treatment for her origin. She witnesses what wasn't meant to be seen, gets flushed down and drowned the company pipes and is revived by an impossibly size group of hobo cats. It turns more into a ritual that has spanned throughout the ages of all living cats since the days of the Egyptians to give life to Catwoman.
So forget going with the orphan turned robin hood who steals from the rich just to piss them off and help her self. Here we had a chance to create an unconventional role model for female viewers turned later into your average Hollywood screwup. I sound harsh, but as fan of the character, it's a horrible interpretation. What's the plot? Skin cream. Yeah...There's nothing more devilish than attacking a woman's face. I guess it was just a ploy to show a live action version of what a cat fight would look like between a former bombshell and a newer version of the term. Sharon Stone plays a scorned wife with an agenda to replace her husband as CEO and gain power and wealth. She also has a psychological imbalance no doubt attributed to her goals and the constant usage of her face cream. She brought in her Basic Instinct character for a second run, even though it only partially worked.
How can you be an Oscar winner and not realize a bat script? Or was it just an opportunity to cash on a possible hero franchise? I could care less of the color or ethnicity of Catwoman, as long as the actress is equipped physically and talent driven. Halle had the build, but her acting here couldn't save the movie from the dialogue and poor plot. I could dig the supernatural elements for the hell of it, but a bit exaggerated if you ask me. Even cats can't maneuver so efficiently. But at least the movie gets a star for keeping the whip and giving Catwoman so somewhat sexy costume. I still prefer full covered but I can work with the provided clothing.
A short take on this movie, but you get my point. There's a right way and a wrong way to do adaptations of pop culture characters. Hollywood tends to do more wrong than right, and sometimes, the right way is done without the studio being involved. Overall, a very unlikely guilty pleasure where I find myself rarely revisiting.
Written by: Bawnian©-Dexeus.