'Battleship' Critic Reviews
If you have endless patience, this film will deliver. In fact, everyone who sat through it deserves a silver star.
Battleship is ultimately too derivative for my taste. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a tiny bit of fun with it, though.
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Battleship blues: Where is Michael Bay when we need him?
Battleship is bollocks. Oddly enough, it makes no apologies for being so stupid.
Big, loud, dumb -- and fun.
Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
It's big, loud, dumb and sloppy but, despite it all, the thing entertains on some primal level.
I'm all for big, mindless, summer movie fun, but Battleship is so poorly written the dialogue alone could defeat the alien hordes if only they spoke English.
Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
A forgiving viewer may wonder if there's method in its moronity: Creedence Clearwater Revival's anti-war classic 'Fortunate Son' blares over the end credits, as if in veiled insult to audience members who cheered the movie's Hollywoodized warmongering.
Despite the blockbuster mistake of allowing Rihanna to make her big-screen debut, "Battleship" succeeds where it absolutely must: It's one of the best, most entertaining popcorn flicks ever.
Most summer blockbusters are lumbering, exhausting exercises in endless payload delivery. "Battleship" is that rare $200 million movie with a twinkle in its eye.
You can't help but wonder what Hasbro will do with Candy Land.
I was never bored. And that, sadly, makes it better than most of the other expensive and over-hyped films of its ilk.
As big, dumb summer movies go ... this is just another big, dumb summer movie. And one that makes you feel slightly dumber for having watched it.
San Francisco Chronicle
It's loud, it's large, it's stupid, and its best gag involves a chicken burrito.
Battleship knows that it's big, dumb summer fun, and it doesn't pretend to be anything more.
Scott A. Mantz
A shamelessly corny, ridiculous, silly, cheesy and utterly preposterous big budget Hollywood spectacle, and I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy the hell out of it.
One Guy's Opinion
An unholy mash-up of 'Pearl Harbor' and 'Transformers'...if Berg doesn't match [Bay] in bombast and stupidity, it's not for lack of trying.
Turn off your brain and enjoy. But don't forget to cover your ears.
"Battleship" employs the same nonintelligent strategy as the Hasbro board game: Fire blindly at broad targets and wait for explosions.
I didn't come to a movie called BATTLESHIP to see a bunch of crap that I could've watched on 90210. I want to see explosions and aliens and what-not!
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul)
St. Paul Pioneer Press
It's the sort of movie every summer needs. And stick around for a fun post-credits sequence that hints at a sequel.
Mark Reviews Movies
A distended and entirely generic movie about a trio of Navy ships (and, if one is generous, the people onboard) that are the last line of defense when aliens invade Earth.
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Some guilty-pleasure cheese atop a ration of stale popcorn can't cleanse the distastefulness that "Battleship" leaves in its wake.
One ethnic stereotype, two objectifying shots of the supermodel-ready female form, and three set-pieces of choppy, ADD-massaging quick edits away from being titled "Transformers 4."
It may leave you screaming "Turn it off!" or, at the very least, "Jumanji!"