'Battleship' Critic Reviews
Giant Freakin Robot
It's everything that's wrong with modern science fiction and also a lot of fun.
Battleship may be based on the popular Hasbro game, but it's more like Transformers. Only Battleship can claim a better plot. But "better" is always a relative term.
While it provides some stimulation for the eyes and ears, the brain gets the shaft.
A deafening, seizure-inducing, patently ridiculous full-length military ad co-directed by Michael Bay and a trash compactor. Worst of all, it's also a hell of a lot of fun.
Christian Science Monitor
If the movie is anything like the game, I say stay at home and read a good book (or graphic novel). Or listen to an audiobook - In short, do anything else.
If you have endless patience, this film will deliver. In fact, everyone who sat through it deserves a silver star.
Battleship is ultimately too derivative for my taste. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a tiny bit of fun with it, though.
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Battleship blues: Where is Michael Bay when we need him?
Well, it has aliens, for one thing.
...for some unknown reason Battleship tries to play like a romantic comedy - complete with a meet cute - for the first 1/3 of its overly long running time.
Just make sure you go in with low expectations of anything resembling art and you might find yourself having fun while being yanked along on this over-the-top and dumb joy ride. (Full Content Parental Review also available)
Sci-Fi Movie Page
There's almost nothing to "Battleship" beyond its grindingly dull, digitally rendered naval warfare; the flick could easily be retitled "Flying Ordinance and Forgettable Stars: The Motion Picture."
Most summer blockbusters are lumbering, exhausting exercises in endless payload delivery. "Battleship" is that rare $200 million movie with a twinkle in its eye.
You can't help but wonder what Hasbro will do with Candy Land.
I was never bored. And that, sadly, makes it better than most of the other expensive and over-hyped films of its ilk.
Despite the blockbuster mistake of allowing Rihanna to make her big-screen debut, "Battleship" succeeds where it absolutely must: It's one of the best, most entertaining popcorn flicks ever.
As big, dumb summer movies go ... this is just another big, dumb summer movie. And one that makes you feel slightly dumber for having watched it.
San Francisco Chronicle
It's loud, it's large, it's stupid, and its best gag involves a chicken burrito.
One Guy's Opinion
An unholy mash-up of 'Pearl Harbor' and 'Transformers'...if Berg doesn't match [Bay] in bombast and stupidity, it's not for lack of trying.
Turn off your brain and enjoy. But don't forget to cover your ears.
Battleship knows that it's big, dumb summer fun, and it doesn't pretend to be anything more.
Scott A. Mantz
A shamelessly corny, ridiculous, silly, cheesy and utterly preposterous big budget Hollywood spectacle, and I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy the hell out of it.
"Battleship" employs the same nonintelligent strategy as the Hasbro board game: Fire blindly at broad targets and wait for explosions.
I didn't come to a movie called BATTLESHIP to see a bunch of crap that I could've watched on 90210. I want to see explosions and aliens and what-not!