'Battleship' Review By K.Guy

A very unnecessary so called "based" film, but it was indeed a fun action film. Not saying it's a perfect summer movie, there were some flaws and screw ups that made this a wannabe like movie.
  • OVERALL
    2.0
    POOR
  • Story
  • Acting
  • Directing
  • Visuals
When I first heard about "Battleship", I was like "What? Really? How can it be based upon a board game that is so simple?". Well... I wasn't proven wrong. When the first teaser came out, I was not expecting aliens to be the problem. This has no relation to the board game at all. It's a very dumb idea to say it's based off the game. I mean if it was titled something else, would we really be like "Wow, this reminds me of that board game, Battleship." No! Duh. You see battleships all over movies. I didn't see the movie in theaters, because of so. I nearly went, because I was bored, but decided not to. After purchasing it on DVD... it was an alright film. 50/50. It had great action, but very few things I was displeased with. If you'd like to find out, keep reading and you'll see.

Based (not really) on the classic Hasbro naval combat game, Battleship is the story of an international fleet of ships who come across an alien armada while on Naval war games exercise. An intense battle is fought on sea, land and air. What do the aliens want?

-anonymous

Peter Berg, the director of "Hanc*ck" takes another step with this action ride. "Battleship" is a film that could please children and in the future they can call it their childhood favorite. The film is lots of fun with great action... but something about this film's directory, I didn't like. Think about it. What if the credits say "Directed by Michael Bay"? You would believe it, wouldn't you. Peter Berg rehashes the Bay visionary and totally creates a 100% Bay like film. Every camera shot, lighting, concepts, dialog is what you see in almost every Michael Bay film. Now, this proves that "Battleship" is a "Transformers" wanna be. Berg wanted this to get as famous as the 2007 blockbuster. Yet, it didn't. But hey, we do have other director's that has a similar visionary to Michael Bay. J.J. Abrams with his lens flares, John Woo with his dramatic camera shots, and Zack Snyder with his slow mo. Fun fact: Zack and Michael were college classmates... Seriously. There's also this "hopefully" upcoming director named Michael B. Chait. Look up this guy's website. He has a brilliant visionary that compares with John Woo, Michael Bay, and James Cameron combined! Just something I'd like to throw in. So yeah, when you make a movie, do the visionary you have. Don't change it to be like someone else's to get his/her fame.

The story in this film was way too predictable. I mean it has it's moments of exciting action and junk, but like what Ragin Ronin said: It felt like every second was something we've already seen before. We want something new and fresh. Things we haven't seen before. I get it though, it is hard to plan something new without rehashing it from something else, but it just takes time. Bay is some freaky planner. In "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" there was a scene when a building collapses in half with our heroes hanging from it. Bay... thought of that idea doing sit ups! I'm not sure why. He's some sort of action brained wizard. "Battleship" is something they should have taken time on to plan it out. When I write a story, I plan for a year or two and then I start writing.

The cast was created by someone who was blind folded and did inni minnie miney mo. I mean, Liam was highly advertised, but he didn't do anything. He was just thrown on there for more audiences, I believe. Taylor was the only reasonable choice. He can do that role, plus he's not that famous yet. It wasn't a very well acted film. Some quotes were over exaggerating and old. Like that guy coming up saying "Oh sh*t" like some old friends are coming. He said that in reaction to those drilling death balls of terror! Would you react like that? No! I'd run! Duh! Are you serious? It had a lot of bad logic. HISHE should have made a video parody.

The visual effects are the only thing that I give a thumbs up. It's a possible nominee, then again, it might not. But they're spectacular to the water details. "Battleship" carries a lot of fun visual effects. It's another film that lets us know that we haven't seen it all for VFX. Yet, "Prometheus" has the best VFX I've ever seen. That deserves a win! I guess it'll be all coming back to Ridley, huh?

To end this crap, "Battleship" is really a movie to watch just for the action. Like screw the story and actors, I just want to see some freakin explosions. If you ever feel that way, just run down to red box! And to the critics, save your life :) you'e gonna need it. This is an okay film, but I hope there won't be some retarded unnecessary sequel. Just get "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" to the big screen and you'll be shaking hands with "Avatar" on the peak of the mountain. What?... It's a comedy show... Shut up! I'm the MovieWiz, thanks for reading.

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Comments (18)

  1. Geekster

    I love this review, you review for what it is....it is not a feature film for a bleeding critic boosting...take it for what it is....based upon a Hasbro game that is ever so much a bore and to translate its a cash grab...in comparisons to Transformers we have a wholesome line up of comics, tv programmes- i left feeling happy and full to the brim of worth a watch but overall as a critic i rate it lowly.

    2 years agoby @The-Mudder-F-cking-Loud-KillerFlag

  2. K.Guy

    @bawnian-dexeus As would I :D Cause I love TF XD!!!

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  3. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    When it comes to Battleship, I'd pick Revenge of the Fallen any day

    2 years agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  4. Nicholaus XX

    @ghostman -- Lucky you.

    @kguy -- Who has? ;P

    2 years agoby @XxNickTheFilmCriticXxFlag

  5. K.Guy

    @ghostman Then you sir, have not seen everything. :3

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  6. Ghostman

    *Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

    2 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  7. Ghostman

    @kguy I can't remember a sh*t movie I've seen. I guess you could say Transformers or Saw V had to be the worse.

    2 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  8. K.Guy

    @ghostman For as much as I can remember, I'd choose Battleship. I think The Last Airbender is a 2.5 or 3? I can't remember.

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  9. Ghostman

    @kguy Is it as bad as The Last Airbender though?

    2 years agoby @ghostmanFlag

  10. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    @kguy Least we know a sequel is out of the question

    2 years agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  11. K.Guy

    @bawnian-dexeus I was expecting that before I saw it.

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  12. Bawnian©-Dexeus

    @kguy It could have been

    2 years agoby @bawnian-dexeusFlag

  13. K.Guy

    @SpaceCowboy Well the second, the family watched. The third, some others wanted to see it. Get a grip you guys, this isn't Dragonball: Evolution. lol

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  14. SpaceCowboy

    @kguy Who the crap could watch Battleship more than once? No... who the crap WOULD want to? Only you, man.

    2 years agoby @SpaceCowboyFlag

  15. K.Guy

    @corey I saw it 2 more times. It decreased

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  16. Corey W.

    You said this a 4.5 star film when you saw it and told us on MW and pretty raved about it for a week. Don't tell me you've changed your perspective because we teased you over loving this movie @kguy? I hate seeing people's reviews/ratings get influenced by others.

    2 years agoby @coreyFlag

  17. K.Guy

    now to REALLY review it!!!

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag

  18. K.Guy

    IT WORKS!!!!!!!!! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2 years agoby @kguyFlag