'Batman & Robin' Review By Bawnian©-Dexeus
What the hell happend?
Directed by: Joel Shumacher
Starring: George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, a Wrestler, Arnold Schwarzenegger John Glover and Michael Gough as Alfred Pennyworth.
After the success of Batman Forever, Warner Bros. wanted to rush a sequel for a 1997 release. There was, regrettably, a catch. They wanted a kid friendly Batman movie. In fact, so kid friendly, cartoon soundtracks for slapstick comedy would be needed. What made Batman Forever make history in 1995 as the biggest opening of the year, was the hype and anticipation. Months, weeks and days before the release the merchandise (shirts, fast food products and toy lines) were selling out of stock numbers. I remember owning the Ice Batmobile and the Robin motorcycle. This was basically Cars 2 of 1995. The studio didn't care about the script or the actors, they just wanted a cash grab, and it blew in their face and froze hell over them for 8 years.
Gotham once again needs their duo heroes Batman and Robin to stop Mr. Freeze (Arnie) from stealing all the priceless diamonds to sustain himself and seek to find a cure for his crio wife, Nora. Two new villains enter the mix, Poison Ivy (Thurman) and Bane (the wrestler nobody cares about). Ivy's origin is much like Pfeiffer's origin to Catwoman. Keeping her quiet, the mad scientist who creates bane with Venom branded chemicals dumps a bunch of chemicals on her followed by heavy metal racks. Like a seed, she is buried underground randomly with no questions asked. It almost works like a lot of time goes by during her transformation, but she emerges like a beautiful rose from the ground with a new bombshell appearance and a deadly kiss to back up her scorned attitude. Then there is Bane. The most bastardized character in this quadrilogy of DC heroes. The writers turned a genius brute into a meat headed walking steroid machine that functions more like a dog than a human. If you've ever picked up Bane's first appearance in the world of comic books, you'd see what I mean. his origin is paralleled to that of Bruce Wayne. The ultimate physical and cerebral adversary was simply a joke here.
Val Kilmer does not make a return as the caped crusader. Rushing this sequel was simply not in his schedule, so the hired E.R.'s poster boy, George Clooney. Inexperienced and unknown back in the day, he basically made the worst Batman in history. Adam West was far more entertaining in my opinion.Anyone notice how Arkham Asylum video game Batman looks like Clooney? Or is that just me. As far as I'm concerned, the only person to shine from the rest the best way he could was Michael Gough (R.I.P.) Next we have Chris O'Donnell playing Robin going a little evil against Bruce Wayne because he falls madly in love with Ivy he decides to go solo. I say both should tag team Ivy and be done with it, but I'd leave that story line for Brazzers and Digital Playground.
The Alfred character is much more involved for two reasons: Barbara Pennyworth I'm guessing and the fact that he becomes heavily ill. This works with Bruce Wayne because before and after the death of his parents, Alfred has always been there for him as much of a father as ever. Point is, characters in general like Bruce, Dick, Jason, Parker, and others aren't actually orphans. They have uncles, next of kin and friends of parents that take them under their wing and assume the parental responsibility. How would you feel if the last person who raised you was gone all of a sudden? A burden that makes Batman more of a human than a demon of the night. Alicia Silverstone plays Barbara and her only redeeming quality in this movie is when she suits up and Shumachers gives us a good look of her gluteus maximus.
Moving on to Mr. Freeze, I have to say, was cool the first time around when I saw him as a kid, and the the fact that the Terminator was playing the character. I didn't know what a pun was back then, but it turned into a headache with all the "cold" one liners made their ugly appearance. If you take all the scenes with these bad puns, you'd get at least 5 minutes. These puns can rival that of 1966 Egghead where he had a scramble pun in every line. One episode with all those egg puns was enough to end world hunger. The action was downright silly and a disrespect to the campy fights Adam West made as an art form back in 1966. I'm not the only one who wanted to yell at the screen when Batman and Robin were equipped with ice skates. I know Batman is equipped for any situation in convenience, but that was just a bloody joke.
The other few good qualities of this movie are the new cars, gadgets, ice bat suits, Arnie being a cheesy badass, Uma Thurman and her glossy booty along with Silverstone's and Alfred, because the butler knows everything.
Overall, a disaster movie of epic proportions, and not in a good way. The final run to the call of action in the last scene only slightly makes it watchable. Thus, this chapter ends the second wave of Batman in film.
Written by: Bawnian©-Dexeus.