Alone In The Dark: Critic Reviews

When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand. It's so bad it's postmodern.

This horror film, spun off from an old Atari video game, is so inept on every level, you wonder why the distributor didn't release it straight to video, or better, toss it directly into the trash.

Veers tantalizingly close to being one of those movies that is so bad it's good, but in the end, it's so bad it's just ... bad.

This is definitely for people who 1) love the video game, 2) think Slater and Dorff are eminently watchable, no matter what bad flick they're in and 3) are wearing industrial-strength ear plugs.

Alone in the Dark presents splatter fans with garden-variety gore, and gives action-horror fans loud, unscary special effects rather than genuine suspense or bang.

The garish editing and stilted, exposition-only dialogue induce the frisson of an America's Most Wanted re-enactment that pays unexpected, sidesplitting returns.

Alone in the Dark is no better than whatever you might pick up while wearing a blindfold at Blockbuster, even if you happen to reach into a trash can.

Frighteningly bad cinema is the only thing scary about Alone in the Dark, which gives video-game movies an even worse name, if that's possible.

If nothing else, Alone in the Dark proves that it's possible to 'dumb down' a video game.

Quite possibly one of the worst movies of the decade.

There are some stupid films that rock, if you turn your brain off and enjoy them. Alone in the Dark isn't one of these, though it is very stupid.

Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff, the reigning princes of Hollywood schlock, join forces in this brain-dead adaptation of a popular video game.

Never trust a movie that opens with a written introduction scrolling by that's longer than the collected works of Tom Clancy.

If you took the 100 worst ideas ever conceived for a science-fiction film, rattled them around in a Lotto tumbler and spilled them out onto the screen at random, you could not produce a more asinine hodgepodge than Alone in the Dark.

A hokey, recycled collection of mumbo-jumbo that unabashedly steals from a multitude of other horror films.

A violent and incomprehensible piece of gibberish.

Alone in the Dark offers ample evidence that House of the Dead helmer Uwe Boll should put down his joystick -- quickly, before anyone else gets hurt.

It doesn't even qualify as 'so bad it's good,' although by that standard it does have its moments.

Too stupid to watch, too loud to nap through, Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space's hold on that 'worst movie ever' title really is.

Alone in the Dark is so awful, anyone who spends 10 bucks seeing it ought to get 11 bucks change and a written apology from the director and cast.

As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality.

As silly as it is stylish.

The horror. The hor-ror!

Lame monster movies like this adaptation of the popular Atari video game are scary for all the wrong reasons.

The late Gene Siskel once devised a simple method of measuring a film's worth: 'Is this film more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch?' 'Alone in the Dark' doesn't come close to matching that standard.