The Silent Theater Diaries, Part Two
"A Thousand Words"
Sat, March 17, 2012
RECAP: Previously on "The Silent Theater Diaries" Corey was forced to choose between two horribly reviewed comedies-- "Silent House" and "A Thousand Words". After a battle back and forth between each film, Corey ended up buying a ticket for "Silent House", a choice in which he quickly regretted. To the point where his brain could no longer handle such torture, he walked out of the film in shame.
Will Corey attempt at refunding his ticket? Will he pay to see another movie? Find out now! (even though the answer is quite obvious)
I had a free pass. There isn't much to complain about, is there? As I walked back toward the lobby of the theater I noticed the door to the entrance of "A Thousand Words". Was it bad to just take one peak? Opening the door and poking my head in I noticed that a trailer for "Neighborhood Watch" was being advertised. The movie had not started yet....it would be a crime for me not to take a seat and watch it after wasting such a quality free pass on such garbage!
As I squeeze through the middle section of the theater, climbing over toddlers and couples who are in my way of what I consider "the perfect seat" I notice the huge difference from this theater opposed to "Silent House": this theater is packed! Looks like we've got a crowed of Eddie Murphy fans, which is good because I enjoy watching comedies with large crowds. The level of energy always goes through the roof and movies are always funnier when you're laughing with a large audience.
How many trailers can they possibly show? This has got to be at least the ninth one!
Finally...the movie begins. While I haven't seen one positive review for the film yet, I just really hope this one can be enjoyable for a nice Saturday afternoon. Thats really all that I ask.
Interesting introduction for the movie. Kind of dramatic almost...I wonder how this element is going to play into the movie.
Huh....ten minutes in and the film still hasn't attempted at cracking a single joke. Strange...
So far the film has been rather cliché. Obviously one can expect this so I'm not really going to hold it against my judgment of the film. I just wish it would try harder at making us laugh. Seriously, I feel like I'm watching paint dry on a wall waiting for something humorous to happen.
Cliff Curtis in a very over-the-top role as an over-the-top guru. Is this "A Thousand Words"'s definition of "funny"?
Oh okay....so whatever happens to the tree happens to him? Thats so....original....and stupid.
"I want my baby back baby back ribs, I want my baby back baby back ribs" -Eddie Murphy. "Does anyone have a loaded shotgun? Anyone?" -Me to crowd.
Are you kidding me? He can't write on a piece of paper? Writing counts as speaking?! WHAT?! This is just the film's excuse so Murphy can use more physical humor. Too bad this physicality sucks!
No signs of laughter yet. I'm starting to understand the harsh criticism on the film with each and every slow and burning minute that passes.
Clark Duke's character acting obnoxiously stupid at a business meeting. Are you kidding me? You're studying to be an agent yet you think acting like that will make you a professional? Him acting like a jackass isn't funny either. I bet the writer thought this would be the film's LOL moment for the crowd. Too bad I'm listening to some large man (or woman?) behind me chomp on her popcorn and slurp on her soda instead.
Eddie Murphy's character gets stoned at a business lunch meeting. Don't walk out, Corey. Don't walk out!
Kerry Washington isn't all that bad here in the movies. Her scenes with Murphy are certainly the only moments in the film that aren't completely terrible. What "A Thousand Words" really needs is more scenes with her and less of Murphy making idiotic hand gestures that a four year old could come up with better than him. It's like watching him krump.
Strangely, the movie has hit more of a dramatic curb. Well, the film never had a comedic one so I guess this could at least bring some decency out of the movie.
The movie is starting to display some interesting moral. As bland and horribly written this character Eddie Murphy is playing is, I do like this dramatic turn the movie has driven in because it is showing a nice and positive message that I didn't believe this movie was ever capable of.
Then again, I came here to see a laugh-out-loud comedy and I didn't get that one bit.
The credits roll. If the rest of the film was like the last twenty minutes or so (just with more humor), A Thousand Words probably could have been A LOT better than it was. It needed more humor because quite honestly I'm walking of this movie right now with a upside down smile. Same thing with everybody else.
That had to of been the quietest audience I've ever sat with. John Carter had more laughs than A Thousand Words.
I can admit...it wasn't my best day at the movies.
Thanks for the read!
-Written by Corey Wood
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