Pigs DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

No folks, that is not a typo. Zero friggin stars all across the board for this one. Not even close to joking. I watched this with two friends and they're aboout ready to kill me right now. If I die, it'd probably be considered cinematic manslaughter. If it did happen... I also wouldn't blame them.

I've seen worse movies than this, but not many. OK, I suppose you want to know about the "movie" right? Fine. Basically it's a much much MUCH dumber version of Slackers, but it centers around this collegiate "player" named Miles (Jefferson Brown) who keeps a meticulous record of all of his many many conquests. After a lot of idiotic banter, we get to the point that Miles takes a bet from his buddy Cleaver (Darryn Lucio) and others. The terms are that he has to have sex with a girl whose last name ends in every letter of the alphabet. Yeah, 26 different girls to complete the alphabet. Barf. Of course, the last letter is the X and, of course, he falls in love with her and puts the whole retarded scheme in jeopardy. Unreal.

If the inane premise isn't enough, the script is probably one of the worst in the history of cinema, the acting is apractically the same and the whole movie would be served best if every single copy was at the bottom of the ocean. The only somewhat positive aspect of the movie is the "X" chick, Melanie Marden, is super crazy hot and is a fairly decent actress. She kinda reminds me of a hotter Shannon Sossamyn with a better body who can't act quite as well.

The worst part probably of the whole thing is that, despite the "raunchy" concept, there is really no nudity at all, except for a tiny part at the end, which is the dumbest thing I've seen in awhile. They put a title card up that says the producers were encouraged to display female nudity during the movie, and then they show one girl topless. They don't even show her face. Retarded.

I get a headache just writing about this movie, so I'm done.

The crap-fest continues on special features. It's actually quite possible that the features are WORSE than the movie itself. I'll just go through them quickly so my head doesn't explode. Set Etiquette with Jay Ziebarth who is some idiot from the movie, just has him running around with a clapperboad and being stupid. It's not funny at all.

Whip 'Em Out shows all the different girls they auditioned to be the lone topless girl at the end. They have some nice ones here, but still rather stupid.

The Making of Pigs is just a random collage of behind-the-scenes footage, hastily thrown together into a featurette. Ugh.

Outtakes and Bloopers are barely that. They do a big stupid montage that isn't even outtakes or bloopers at all, and then they have a few actual bloopers after that... but they aren't even funny.

Bonus Scenes are last and pretty terrible. I think it's funny they call them Bonus Scenes instead of Deleted Scenes. No matter how they dress them up, they're worthless.

The disc is presented in the widescreen format, in the 2.35:1 aspect ratio.

The sound is handled through the Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound format.

Terrible. On the front they have the three main guys in the background and a chick in a bikini bottom in the foreground along with a title card and dopey tagline. The back has a collection of random Polaroid-ish shots of some of the girls, a brief synopsis, special features listing along with the tech specs and billing block.

One of the worst movies you'll ever see. Don't let the college environment or the packaging fool you. You won't see any sort of debauchery here, really, and the rest of the movie is absolute garbage to boot. Stay away. Far far away...