Asphalt Wars DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

Nothing.
  • OVERALL
    0.0
    HORRIBLE
  • Feature
  • Extras
  • Replay Value
THE GOOD
Nothing.
THE BAD
Everything.
THE FEATURE
Nope, that's not a typo folks. I didn't forget to plug in all the little ratings and such, like I tend to do and then catch a minute later. All those goose eggs were meant to be there. Yes, indeed, this movie was that bad.

The cover should warn you right off the bat. "In the Tradition of The Fast and the Furious" just screams RIP OFF! It kind of is, for all the racing and gang crap, but there is no undercover pig in the works here. It's just about a dude named Reno (Gilbert Chavarria) who works at a dinky little garage owned by his uncle. But he has big dreams, of course, and he dreams to be a professional racer. So, he spends most of his time at the garage working on his own car by day, and taking it to the underground street races at night, against the will of his uncle, because of the gang affiliations. Of course, he gets hung up in the gangs, forcing him to do a bunch of crap to be square with them, and a final score that might make his dreams come true, and crap.

There is nothing good I can say about this. I tried really hard to find something, but I just couldn't. The acting is forced, flawed and poorly delivered all the way around here, and the corny, terrible lines they spit at us from writer/director Henry Crum doesn't help matters much either. The racing scenes are sped up badly at times, and just poorly directed the rest, especially in the fight scenes where they look like they're either always drunk, or don't have a spinal cord. They have a part where Reno is trying like mad to dodge hay bales. Hay? Couldn't they get something a little more dangerous like roosters or something? Anyway, even the sound is terrible here. They must have had some monkey's doing the background sounds because they weren't authentic and sounded horrible. I would've let something as menial as the sound slide, especially with nothing good to talk about here, but it was really that bad, folks.

So, to sum up, there is not a single one reason to see this movie. Not a one, folks.
THE EXTRAS
Nothing here, kids.
THE VIDEO
The flick is presented in the fullscreen format in the 1.33:1 aspect ratio. IMDB said this was originally a TV flick, but I couldn't find anything about that, like what network it played on. I don't blame them, though. I'd want to distance myself from this flick as well...
THE AUDIO
The sound is handled through the Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound format.
THE PACKAGE
Cheesy and simple. We have the main dude and the main girl on the cover aboe a title card and moronic tagline. Below that are a few cars scraping paint and that catchy "In the Tradition of The Fast and the Furious" little thing. On the back we have a picture of some girl in a bra that I never saw in the movie, a synopsis, a few random shots and the credits and tech specs. Blah.
THE FINAL WORD
It's terrible. That's my final word. Don't see this unless you're forced to at gunpoint, and even then, I'd have to consider my options.

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