Hell Ride DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

I don't watch TV much, ever, and I can't remember what network it was on, but there was some cable network that used to do this "Movies For Guys Who Love Movies" thing and they'd have some action flick, edited for cable of course, to try and bring the guys around the tube. Hell Ride would be a movie that would be PERFECT for that... if they could actually show movies like this without getting censored down to probably 10 minutes of a runtime. Basically, Hell Ride is a 90-minute jolt of testosterone to your system unlike anything you've probably ever seen before.

If there is ever a movie that pushed an R-rating to the max, it'd have to be this movie. In fact, now that I think about it, I find it pretty shocking that filmmakers like Kevin Smith have to appeal to get movies like Zack and Miri Make a Porno DOWN to an R when a movie like Hell Ride got an R right away (Larry Bishop said so in the special features), even though there is loads more nudity, dirty language and crazy violence in Hell Ride. Oh, but it didn't have Porno in the title.... my bad. Sorry, MPAA rant over. Still, this movie features some pretty wild sex scenes here, tons of just random nudity and some rather violent action, with even some nice special effects makeup work that would make any horror fan proud and the fact that they got the hard-R without a single cut is rather shocking... and awesome at the same time.

To put it simply, Hell Ride is a biker film and it's probably the first true biker film to come out in the last few decades or so. The film follows the adventures and escapades of the biker gang the Victors and their more than fearless leader, Pistolero (writer/director/star Larry Bishop). Like any biker leader, he has a band of ruthless mates at this side and his number 2 goes by The Gent (Michael Madsen) who rides in a full tuxedo, for reasons that are both unknown and just cool because, seriously, have you ever seen someone ride a bike in a tuxedo? Following the death of one of the elder's of the gang, St. Louie, Commanche (Eric Balfour) is promoted to ride on Pistolero's left, a big honor for such a young rider, but he'll certainly be put to the test when an old biker gang, the 666's led by The Deuce (David Carradine) and Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones), pop back on the radar, it's time for Pistolero to finally settle a 30-year-old score and land one hell of a payday as well.

Larry Bishop is, by all means, the captain of this ship, writing, directing and starring as the lead, Pistolero. It's a pretty rare thing to be able to do, write, direct and star as the lead, but Bishop seems meant to pull off this trifecta, mainly because of the breadth of biker flicks he appeared in during the 60s and 70s. He knows this genre and world better than probably anyone else and he delivered in such a major way. He simply exuded bad-ass in every second he was on the screen as Pistolero and, yes, while he does take the machismo a little too far in some instances, usually with the ladies, when you see him riding, his presence as Pistolero is just uncanny. There are instances in Bishop's writing that does go too far as well, mainly in the opening moments of the film. We jump around, back and forth from 1976 and the present and it really doesn't set the mood too terribly well to go jumping back and forth like that. If he condensed it into one single thing that happens right away, and then we cut to the present, it would've been much more effective but, once we get sucked into this world permanently after the first five minutes or so, with help from a wonderful score from Daniele Luppi that perfectly fits the tone of the film, you just can't look away. There is also a small instance where I think Bishop revealed some very important info WAY too early, but I don't want to spoil what it is.

Bishop was able to snag one HELL of a cast around him as well, and they all deliver in wonderfully unique ways. Michael Madsen shines, as always, as The Gent, bringing a flair that only he can and he's probably the only person who can still look bad-ass while wearing a corny tuxedo on a bike. Eric Balfour doesn't get as much here as I originally thought, but is damn solid as Commanche, the youngest of the riders in the Victors. We get just loads of female gorgeousness pretty much all over this movie in big and small parts alike. In fact, I'd probably recommend watching this just for the ladies alone, because, well, damn. It's pretty rare to see a movie just load up on naked or scantily clad chicks as much as they do here and, as Borat would say, 'Great success!' The main ladies here are Leonor Varela as Nada, a sultry vixen who wants to be with Pistolero, but he just uses her as his source of information, Cassandra Hepburn as Maria, Pistolero's actual main squeeze and Julie Jones as Cherokee Kisum - the woman Pistolero made a promise to 30 years ago, who was slain by the 666's and whose death he's trying to avenge. Laura Cayouette (who plays an even more important part in getting the film started - see Special Features), also appears briefly as Dani, who runs a biker bar the Victors meet at. On top of all that, we have smaller performances from the likes of Vinnie Jones, who I thought would have a much bigger part as the 666's Billy Wings, David Carradine as 666's The Deuce and, in an ultimate tribute to the biker film, Dennis Hopper, who starred in the quintessential biker flick Easy Rider, appears as the shady Eddie Zero.

This film pushes every envelope out there to push, and they make no qualms about doing so and have just the right people in all the right places to push. The Victors' credo is the three B's - bikes, beer and booty and they are all incredibly plentiful here. If you had some sort of disease where your body could not produce testosterone, and you liquefied this film, filled up a syringe and injected it in your body... you'd probably be square on the testosterone front for a few lifetimes. In a time where everyone is looking to remake or sequelize, my hat goes off to Larry Bishop for revitalizing a doorknob-dead genre in such an amazing way.

We get a solid amount of features on this new disc, and it starts out with a The Making of Hell Ride featurette. We get some great stuff here on the genesis of how this movie started - with Larry Bishop meeting Quentin Tarantino for the first time and setting him with this "destiny" that Larry Bishop should write, direct and star in the greatest biker movie ever. Most of the stuff in this nine-minute featurette is with interview clips from Bishop himself, breaking down the sex stuff, which is substantial and we get a glimpse at the Larry Bishop/Quentin Tarantino connection and how it really drove this movie. A great way to get us started here.

The Babes of Hell Ride is a great way to keep it going because there are some total hotties here, almost all of whom are partially or totally naked at some point. We hear from all the main women in here - Leonor Varela as Nada, Laura Cayouette (who was actually the woman who introduced Bishop and Tarantino), Cassandra Hepburn as Maria, or Pistolero's main squeeze and Julie Jones as Cherokee Kisum - and it's a very entertaining five-minute look at these amazing women in the film.

It seems a natural follow-up should be The Guys of Hell Ride, and it's another great featurette here. Again, most of this is from Bishop, but we get a lot from Michael Madsen, Eric Balfour, David Carradine and Dennis Hopper and we get some great stuff from all of them and how Bishop either came across them or how they got the part. It's the longest featurette here at 14 minutes, but I'm glad it was that long because we get some wonderful stuff here on all the guys and how they fit into this crazy world.

The Choppers of Hell Ride is next and we get to see all these bikes and how they fit their own characters. We get some cool stuff with Justin Kell, who built all the bikes for the film and customizes each bike to each particular character and we get some pretty surprising stuff about Eric Balfour and his bike. Apparently he was insistent on riding an Indian... despite barely riding a motorcycle before, which is a near-impossible task to pull off, so we're told... especially when you have to be, you know, a dude in a biker gang. this nine-minute featurette, like the rest, fail to disappoint at all.

The last feature we get here, besides the Red Band Trailer, is Michael Madsen's Video Diary. We get a little disclaimer before the video starts, saying this was shot on a hand-held cam and that the shots that are shaky, "were not altered in order to preserve the integrity of the original material." Interesting. This isn't quite what I expected, in its someone else filming on a hand-held with Madsen basically doing a commentary throughout the whole thing. While it's kind of weird, we get some cool, random looks at the set, but there is a lot of this nine-minute thing that was a little boring. Still, it's worth watching for sure, but it's probably the worst of the features here, mainly because the rest were so damn good.

The film is presented in a letterboxed widescreen format, enhanced for widescreen 16x9 televisions.

The sound is handled through the Dolby Digital format.

Some slick, old-school stuff here, especially on the front. We get the title card and main players listed up top and the rest of the front is this kick-ass mural/collage drawing featuring all the main characters against a flame-orange backdrop, with a tagline below. Pretty sweet. The back has a critic quote, a few smaller images from the film and a bigger shot of Bishop atop is motorsteed with two shotguns on the handlebars, a nice special features listing, synopsis and the billing block and tech specs. Very nice work here because it really sets this apart from most of the packages on the shelves.

Hell Ride is something I can almost guarantee you've never seen in the past few decades, breathing new life into a genre I was only vaguely aware of, and now would love to explore more of after watching this awesome film that simply oozes testosterone.