Candy Stripers DVD: Review By Dodd

When perusing the DVD's at your video rental, one should stop and question the purpose of low budget horror films. The answer: shock and laughter. The typical video consumer is likely to snag a copy of Failure to Launch or Brokeback Mountain like everyone else in every Blockbuster across the country. However, low-budget, straight-to-video fare is made to sit on shelves displaying their absurdly disgusting covers so customers can laugh them off and pursue a film of higher quality. Yes, these titles are mostly neglected because of their tackiness, but still consumed by a minority of viewers. One group in this minority: the film critic. That's right. While images of killer gingerbread men and scantily clad Playmate serial killers remind you to appreciate better quality films, I watch these duds to remind you that the product is indeed silly.

Due to my love of horror, MovieWeb has recently bestowed upon me a selection of video horror that is guaranteed to make viewers laugh and hate their lives at the same time. I, myself, am honored to bask in the camp that is B-horror. The first title I am reviewing: Candy Stripers.

Candy Stripers is quite the realistic horror film from first-time director Kate Robbins. I say realistic knowing we can all relate to hospital visits, and the alien-possessed candy stripe nurses that try to devour us in our sleep. Now for the reality check: by now you should realize I am kidding. Not only do candy stripe nurses not eat people, but I fail to ever spot them in actual hospitals despite their ever-popular presence in B-horror and softcore porn flicks.

The storyline is eligible for critical accolade. In the middle of small town California, an alien life force has landed. In pure Body Snatcher style, the creatures inhabit human cadavers and affect multiple victims. The aliens use candy stripe nurses as a starting point. As the nurses (who seem to be all played by Playboy-affiliated performers) are possessed, they strut around the halls of the hospital seducing men by suggesting fellatio with heart-shaped suckers. Despite the continuously escalating epidemic of murders, patients and doctors are easily wooed by the nurses and turned into cocoons. It is up to a testosterone-charged busload of basketball jock patients to destroy the nurses and escape the hospital with their genitals intact.

Previously this week, I reviewed The Omen and provided the film with a semi-serious regard for the classic that it is. In the case of Candy Stripers, I have no choice but to throw strict film criticism out the window, and have a little fun. The cover of this film alone is a clear indication that Candy Stripers is not high caliber horror experience. It is an awful film, yet it undoubtedly doesn't aim to please elitists. This is a low-grade experience in poorly orchestrated gory effects, amateur acting, and plenty of gratuitous nudity that puts European beaches to shame. I can't give Candy Stripers a good review on the scale compared to all films. However, I can give it a decent score on the scale of camp horror, with classics such as Evil Dead 2 and Dead Alive at the high end of the spectrum.

There is nothing to see here except for a few trailers. I assumed with Playboy models involved, they would at least produce a video calendar of alien nurses to please both the gorehounds and sexaholics of this world.

Anamorphic Widescreen (1.78:1) The picture quality looks clean. For a film that invests little money in special effects, actors, writing, etc., the picture quality looks comparable to any other mainstream film. However, the direction is questionable. The constant use of slow motion shots makes it look as it a twelve-year-old is fascinated by slow motion editing for the first time.

Dolby Digital 5.1. That's right! Monstrous candy stripe nurses in surround sound! The soundtrack has no evident pollution, unless you count the musical score that was clearly done yesterday in someone's basement.

Standard DVD keep case. On the front cover, the Playboy model "actresses" (they share casting credit with their breasts) pose with scales on their faces and suckers in their mouths. This will either turn you on, or make you abstain from sex for a few months.

Candy Stripers is a B-horror film that simply is what it is: loaded with gore, sex, and an absurd storyline. I give this film 2 stars out of 5 on my personal ratings scale of camp horror. While fun in small doses, this film actually manages to be boring at times. Plus, the filmmakers actually attempt to create visual effects with computers. If you are going B-grade, I say forget digital rendering. Bring out the buckets of fake gore! I do not recommend Candy Strippers, but horror fans may be interested. Rent at your own risk.

Questions? Comments? Just want to talk movies? Drop me a line at dodd@movieweb.com