Born Killers DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

Born Killers is just plain boring. It doesn’t make you laugh, doesn’t really shock you and you really don’t give a s%*t what happens to any of these characters at all. Don’t waste your time.
  • OVERALL
    5.0
    SUPERB
  • Feature
  • Picture
  • Sound
  • Extras
  • Replay Value
THE GOOD
Some witty lines here and there and nice chemistry between Jake Muxworthy and Gabriel Mann.
THE BAD
Everything else.
THE FEATURE
I've noticed a new sign of bad moviedom lately: Tom Sizemore. Lately, whenever I've gotten a disc that has Tom Sizemore in it, no matter how small or big his role is, the movie just usually flat out sucks. The funny thing is too, he's usually this very minor, secondary character, although he's usually the biggest name in the whole cast. In Born Killers, he plays a criminal dad who didn't exactly bring his boys up right after their mom died, and it certainly proves the Sizemore/bad movie theory, or at least expands it.

Born Killers is a lame little tale about two brothers John and Michael (Jake Muxworthy and Gabriel Mann) who have been on the lam from state to state, robbing and murdering people along the way, and they've been doing so since they were kids and their dad (Tom Sizemore) never came back. They just get by with whatever money they can steal from the people they lure into their lives and then kill and then they're back on the road. After a surprising/stupid kill-off of John (Michael tried to kill him first, John was quicker), John is on his own and discovers that his father had another family other than his, and he seeks out his stepsister Gertie (Lauren Graham) and that's when things really change.

John and Michael are basically the same as Dean and Sam from Supernatural, except they kill and steal instead of solve paranormal crimes. Still, the connection can be made because they are both brothers who really have no other friends besides themselves and they both have opposing personalities as well. It's too bad this retarded flick didn't borrow a writer or nine from that show, because it probably would've been a hell of a lot better.

The script from Kendall Delcambre gives me the impression that this guy thinks he's a lot smarter than he really is. He throws all these deft, witty axioms at us, spoken through the voiceover of John, while forgetting the fact that these guys haven't been in school since they were 9. His writing just plain doesn't match up to the characters he creates, in many instances and it's a tad annoying. He's pretty damn terrible at structure too, because it seemed he had so much fun experimenting with stuff and throwing little red herrings at us, he didn't really bother with composing a meaningful story. You never really care about any of the characters at all, because he paints them in such a vague light, we're not sure how we're supposed to see them.

It also doesn't help that the acting is rather terrible. The three principals, Jake Muxworthy, Gabriel Mann and Lauren Graham are all quite awful, although Graham does look a lot hotter than when I saw her frumpy self in Hostel. Tom Sizemore isn't shown that often, only in flashbacks, and his nutjob philosophies on life are just boring and delivered as over the top as you can get it.

Really the only good thing about the movie was the contrasting chemistry between Muxworthy and Mann. Muxworthy is rather bad just on his own, but both of them together in the opening scenes were pretty decent because they knew how to play off each other. Sure, there are a few good lines here and there from the script, but I'm sure there aren't as many as Delcambre thinks there are.

Born Killers is just plain boring. It doesn't make you laugh, doesn't really shock you and you really don't give a s%*t what happens to any of these characters at all. Don't waste your time.
THE EXTRAS
Move along, there's nothing to see here...
THE VIDEO
The film is presented in the widescreen format, enhanced for 16x9 televisions.
THE AUDIO
The sound is handled through either the Dolby Digital 5.1 or 2.0 formats.
THE PACKAGE
Pretty lame and, after I've seen the flick, very misleading. The front cover has the four "big" names up top, a title card and a shot of Lauren German holding a big gun with Muxworthy in the background. She doesn't hold a gun throughout the entire boring movie. The back has a few random pics, a brief synopsis, which is also quite misleading as well, a "DVD Features" listing i.e. the tech specs, along with the billing block. Snoozeville.
THE FINAL WORD
Here's one, "boring." How about, "tiring"? Does "terrible" work for you? Catch my drift?

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