New York Minute DVD: Review By justincase

  • OVERALL
    1.5
    POOR
  • Feature
  • Extras
  • Replay Value
THE FEATURE
Mary-Kate... or is it Ashley...? Well one of them plays an uptight overachieving young woman, Jane Ryan. The other one plays a slacking, underachieving slouch, Jane's sister, Roxanne. Jane is so anal retentive and uptight that she uses a toilet seat cover dispenser in her own house. Meanwhile we'd be surprised if Roxanne brushed her teeth.

The sisters head to the big city... Jane to give a speech that she hopes will land her a scholarship, Roxanne to go to a band's video shoot. When a mass transit mix-up lands the girls in the middle of some sort of espionage plot, they must learn to respect eachother and work together to tie up all the screwball loose ends.

Andy Richter plays the evil wacko-nutcase driver who is really a criminal functionary of a gang planning to pirate digital music that they have on a microchip...? I guess the criminals (or the writers) never heard of FTP? Not since the days of Octop*ssy have you TRULY needed a microchip to transfer digital music files...but, I digress. Dr. Drew Pinsky (of MTV LoveLine fame) makes an appearance as the girls' father who is, of all things... a DOCTOR! Eugene Levy is the Dirty Harry-esque truancy officer hell-bent to bring down Roxanne for her loosey-goosey ways.

The film is weak. The story is poor, the direction straddles campy and the twins' acting is over-the-top. This film seems like a movie in need of a definition of its audience. Is this for tweens? Is this for teens? Is this for dirty old geezers that hoped this was some unrated edition in which they'd see the twins' engaged in some full frontal menage? Well, if you're hoping for the latter, you'll never get that, so forget it... head somewhere else.

This movie has no reason for being. There is no new story here, no new action and no talent. This was cobbled together for no other reason than to "feed" the media behemoth that "the twins" have become. Mini Oprahs, they have a media machine, a platform. They need to keept he thing moving, chewing up the mindless kids that have been raised on their TV personas and now buy everything with "Mary-Kate and Ashley" stamped on it (honestly, though, doesn't it sound like they should be triplets?).
THE EXTRAS
The film has some special features:

* Bloopers

* Alternate Endings (for what in God's name, I can't imagine)

* Mary-Kate and Ashley's Behind-the-Scenes Slideshow

* In a New York Minute

* Theatrical Trailer

Did I watch these? No. I, honestly, couldn' take anymore. These two doe-eyed beauties are too wholesome and their movie too cute.

Enough already!

This is exactly the kind of movie I keep saying they need to keep special features OFF of!
THE FINAL WORD
To quote the infamous Soju twins, Blake and B-Alan, BURN IT! The only audience for this tripe is the legions of "twins" fans that have collected all their straight-to-video stuff and can't stand to have an empty spot on their shelf.

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