Garfield - A Tail of Two Kitties DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

Nothing. Not joking.
  • OVERALL
    0.0
    HORRIBLE
  • Feature
  • Extras
  • Replay Value
THE GOOD
Nothing. Not joking.
THE BAD
Everything. Not joking.
THE FEATURE
When you get DVD's sent to you to review, like I do, you have to take the good with the bad. Each package I get sent is like a grab-bag Christmas present, full of either great additions to my collection, or discs that I will have to find a way to get rid of, one way or another. This disc is a double-edged sword, since I want to get rid of it as soon as humanly possible, but its also one where I won't likely find a taker for. Yeah, it's really that bad, folks.

When the first Garfield flick came about in 2004, it was a decent success, for some odd reason, taking in $75 million in its theatrical run, good for a cool $25 million profit. I didn't see this flick because it seemed to be a desecration of a Saturday afternoon classic. Even if it was good, which I doubt, they were certainly pushing their luck with this dreadful sequel Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (get it?) and the audiences seemed to agree, as this incredibly dull snoozefest took in only $28 million in its theatrical run. After grudgingly watching this moronic flick, that count seems about $27.9999 million too much.

Here's the skinny on the fat cat's latest tale. Garfield's dolt of an owner Jon (Breckin Meyer) is fumbling about ways to propose to his veternarian Liz (Jennifer Love-Hewitt), but, due to his own incompetence and Garfield's mischievious ways, he doesn't pop the question. It was also partly due to Liz's surprise trip to London to speak at some animal convention or some crap. So, Jon decides to grow a pair and follow her to London to pop the question in jolly old England. He leaves Garfield and Odie in a kennel, but, naturally, they escape, find their way into Jon's bag are are whisked away to London. At the same time, a cat of identical proportions to Garfield dubbed Prince has just been bequeathed an entire royal British castle, since Prince was the recently deceased owner's favorite thing on this earth. Lord Dargis (Billy Connolly) is naturally peeved, since he's the only homosapien heir to the castle, and begins to plot the cat's demise so he can take the castle over. So, as natural as daylight, these two fat orange cats fall into the old mistaken identity switcheroo, and each cat learns a thing or two about life on the other side of the litter box.

It felt like watching laundry tumble along in the dryer. The flick is only 78 minutes long - about two dryer cycles - and, just like watching your clothes dry, the sheer lack of any entertainment or enjoyment makes both activities seem to last days longer than they do in actuality. You don't feel the need to smile, or laugh while watching this movie or watching laundry dry, but, if you feel so compelled to do either activity, you'll watch through the whole cycle, or the whole runtime, just wondering if maybe some spark of activity or enjoyment might come through at some unforseen moment.

While Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love-Hewitt are technically the human "stars" of this show, we really don't see a whole lot of them in this flick... and that's probably the best part of the whole movie. While Meyer's dopey persona would seem to fit Jon's persona to a T, based on his past work, he doesn't even do a good job at a role you'd think he inhabits in his daily life. Love-Hewitt plays such a window-dressing character that her presence in the movie is reduced to sheer eye candy and nothing else. With the dumb humans not really taking the reins, the show is basically all animal, with Garfield holding court over the royal barnyard while the Prince is away, and we get a host of colorful-ish animal characters all lead by Garfield, voiced by Bill Murray. Murray's voice and Garfield's animatics are just so crazily overdone and thoroughly unentertaining that it feels that I lost more brain cells watching this movie than I would from my weekend whiskey escapades.

It's really that bad folks. It got to be almost a game to me. I kept wondering how long I'd be able to unintentionally keep a straight face, because there was really nothing that could coax my face into any entertaining contortions. The game lasted 78 minutes, as it turned out, and while I'm glad I saw this for free, it feels like those 78 minutes of my life would've been better spent, well, doing laundry at a couple bucks a load.
THE EXTRAS
First up here is a "music video" and I'm really getting sick of this loose terminology of the DVD music video. I know that MTV really doesn't play those music video things much anymore, but this stuff is going too far. The "Come and Get It" Music Video is just a song, a bad one at that by some dude named Brian Anthony, with a bunch of footage from the flick behind it, some of which is edited in the corniest of fashions to match the beat of the song. Lord.

Next up we get a few of these tutorials called Drawing With Jim Davis, where the Garfield creator shows you, in a few quick minutes, how to draw a nice sketch of some of the characters. We get three here: Garfield, Odie and Pooky, and I guess if you're into drawing this is your thing, but if not, there's not a whole lot to be gained by watching these segments.

Wow. Next up is an Exclusive Garfield Comic Strip. Now, I was thinking it wasn't literally just a single strip, but maybe a few pages of a comic book or something. But nay, it's just a single, three-cell strip. They're really shelling out the big bucks here...

Last up we get a few different games to play. The first is Odie's Photo Album Game where you have to decipher a blurred photograph and match it with a few options. The other game is the Garfield Maze Game where you have to lead the fat cat through a garden maze to get his fresh plate of lasagna. If you hit a dead end, you get a little clip from the flick as well.
THE VIDEO
They do the format a little weird here. They have both the fullscreen and widescreen versions of the flick, but the theatrical version is full screen, in the 1.33:1 aspect ratio, and the extended version, with all 8 minutes more, is in the anamorphic widescreen format in the 1.85:1 aspect ratio.
THE AUDIO
The sound is handled through the Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound format.
THE PACKAGE
They have one of those stupid sleeve things over the package which I just hate. They're the exact same damn thing on the sleeve and the cover, so I don't know why they bother with these annoyances. Anyway, the front cover has a big title card and a huge shot of Garfield and Odie with Big Ben and stuff in the background. On the back they have a dopey synopsis, a few random screen shots, a tiny special features area and the tech specs. Oh yeah, and the keep-case packaging, the actual plastic case is all orange, so that's not annoying or anything. Blah.
THE FINAL WORD
Just don't watch this folks. My head hurts, and I need a nap. Seriously, it's that exhausting to watch, folks. You'll expend more energy watching this flick than most flicks because it's a task just to stay awake during this monstrous bore of a flick. If you see this flick on the shelf of your video store, and that's the only one you're thinking of renting, put it down and go to the laundromat, because you'll probably have more fun there than you will watching this tedious excuse for a motion picture.

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