Hallowed Ground DVD: Review By Brian Gallagher

There are always those DVDs I know I'm just gonna dread watching. After 150 DVD reviews or so, you kinda get that gut feeling just from looking at the case. There are times when I've been wrong, sure, but a strong 90% or so, whenever I get that gut feeling, I'm right. I got that gut feeling just looking at this one... and it falls in line with that 90% figure.

This is basically a rip-off of The Wicker Man, only done much much worse... and that's saying something. This is only an 83-minute movie and even still, they shoot their proverbial wad WAY too early. At least The Wicker Man had the good sense to keep you semi-intrigued enough that it was a bit of a surprise at the end. Nope, not here though. They blow their big twist about half-way through and then try to throw a bunch of mini-twists at you just so you don't fall asleep or hit the eject button. Here's the story in a nutshell. Liz (Jamie Alexander) gets stranded in this podunk town called Hope. She meets a flighty reporter (Hudson Leick) who's doing a story on the eerie history of this town. It was founded by a preacher named Hathaway (Nick Chinlund) and he believed the devil was sending crows to ravage their crops and destroy their livelihood. So instead of making normal scarecrows, they sacrificed the towns sinners as live scarecrows, crucified to a cross in the middle of a field, to appease their God and, you know, scare crows. Yeah. So, the two chicks go out to the farm and start digging around and they make a fake scarecrow on the spot where Hathaway was burried and the scarecrow comes to life, kills Sarah and sends Liz on the run for help, only the townsfolk aren't so eager to help her, for odd reasons... and blah blah blah.

The acting is total crap here. I've never heard of Jaimie Alexander before and I hope I don't after this performance. She's just plain wooden on the screen and is a total bore to watch. I was surprised to see Nick Chinlund play the preacher Hathaway because the guy has made a career as a baddie... although this isn't the kindest preacher in the world. Still, he's only on screen for maybe 5 minutes, but he's pretty good. That's about it. No one else is really worth mentioning at all. Crap crap crap all the way around. Well, the little girl Sabrina at the end, played by Chloe Moretz did show some potential. Seriously though. That's it. Craptastic.

This was so bad I need to take a nap. I'm surprised I didn't take one during the movie itself...

Nope. Nothing here. Darn, and I really wanted a making-of featurette describing the $45 they spent on special effects...

The disc is presented in the widescreen format, enhanced for 16x9 televisions.

The sound is handled through the Dolby Digital 5.1 format.

Blah. A full-cover shot of a scarecrow along with a shot of Jamie Alexander and others in the background on the front. Lame synopsis with a few random shots, the billing block and tech specs below it. Snooze.

If you need a terrible movie to play a drinking game to, sure, go ahead and rent this one. Don't buy it because you'll be an alcoholic after more than one viewing of this dreadful piece of retardation. Either that or it will induce a state of heavy sleep. I guess one leads to the other anyway, though, so maybe this is a good way to either start your Friday night off with... or end it.