Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Vol. 1 DVD: Review By B. Alan Orange

Remember Transformers: The Movie? It moved at an unmitigated rate, and can be blamed for a number of Ritalin prescriptions. It literally gave a whole generation of children, young boys mostly, the disorder known as ADD. The thing jumped from one explosive scene of action to the next at a breakneck speed. Never once did it give you time to breath, or a chance to question its non-existent plotline. I personally feel its one of the greatest drinking accoutrements of all time. Transformers: The Movie reminds me of getting loaded. When my refrigerator has run dry, all I have to do is stick this 1986 gem into my DVD player, and I suddenly feel like I have a case of the spins.

I never imagined that another animated entity could have the same effect on me, but the Cartoon Network's new Star Wars project goes above and beyond the precedent set by Nelson Shin's 90 minute Hasbro commercial. Yes, the Clone Wars is a fast-flung internal mind-orgasm that flies by so quick and joyously; you might feel like you just did a Whip-It on the beach at midnight in the middle of a Quilmes bender. Action-packed is an understatement. This awesome thing never stops. Not once. As soon as you press play, you're inundated with stars, and lasers, and ships that just keep coming at your face. It's like a firecracker that's gone off in your mouth.

Star Wars fans still smarting from the past two prequels are going to be all over this DVD. It's like a session of make-up sex where not one punch is pulled. The crotchless panties have been adorned; the whips and chains are in full effect, and midgets are walking in and out of the room. When this initially ran on cable, the cartoon was split up into 20 separate mini-episodes, which many found to be too short to care about. Here, they've been seamlessly sewn into an hour and ten minute feature that contains more character development, laser battles, saber scuffles, and explosions than the entire Star Wars series combined. And that's no joke.

We learn more about Mace Windu here, in a couple of minutes, than we have thus far in the live action films. And he doesn't speak a word of dialogue. He swoops in and uses his Jedi powers to wreck much damage on a squadron of Battle Droids, and it comes as just one of many highlights seen throughout the piece. The animation rendered is jaw dropping in its sure audacity to be "cool". This is some of the coolest action I've ever seen, and I usually hate anime-related works of art.

Creator Genndy Tartakovsky excels at making this Japanese-style of animation accessible to those unfamiliar or discomforted by the foreign process. He's created a technique that blends traditional animation with that of our foreign competitors, and in doing so has crafted something incredibly original. His Samurai Jack is one of the best episodic programs on television, cartoon or not, and it used the Original Trilogy as a basis for conception. You can see a lot of the Star Wars mythos being utilized in Samurai Jack, so that he's taken the Clone Wars on is a no brainer. No one could have done this better. I'd be willing to guarantee it. His baby makes the recent Droids and Ewoks Saturday Morning Cartoon DVD releases seem like a slow slog through molasses.

This cartoon was created by a faithful team carrying an undying love for the Star Wars Universe. That's evident from the first frame, and they never falter in their storytelling techniques. Tartakovsky exploits an era that George Lucas admittedly doesn't want to touch upon with his live action efforts. The Clone Wars. In Episode II we see the beginning of this Campaign. In Episode III, we see the end. Genndy and his team have arrived to fill in the blanks, and they accomplish the feat with beads of sweat and a bucketful of glory.

Each prominate Jedi gets his or her own small storyline. Count Dooku ushers in a new member of the Sith, whom Anakin has a royal showdown with. Obi Wan pulls a few new moves. We get to see where Saber Crystals come from. All the main characters, including C3PO, R2D2, and Yoda, make an appearance, and we're treated to our first look at General Grievous. This mean biz-nitch can do all kinds of crazy stuff with his light sabers. The guy's a Cuisinart Blender on legs. Its mind blowing, and I doubt he'll even be half-as-cool when he arrives in the flesh two months from now. Anthony Daniels is the only returning voice talent from the films, but that said; the rest of the cast is pitch-perfect in capturing the intonations of their characters. I had to double-check the call sheet just to make sure I wasn't actually hearing Natalie Portman and Frank Oz.

This is one of the best-animated films, if I can call it that, I've ever seen. For the first time ever, I had to immediately watch the DVD twice, back-to-back. It's that cool. No fooling. Hardcore Star Wars fans, you're going to love it.

There's a seven-minute Featurette that revolves around the production process and everything that went into making this cartoon what it is. There are some scenes from the new film included, but these are rather quick and jizzum-free. It's fun getting a glimpse into Genndy's work environment, and the interviews with Genndy, Lucas, and various other animators involved with the project are fairly interesting.

The Episode III teaser trailer is here in all its glory. I think I've seen it too many times to care. I would have rather had the full-length theatrical trailer. It's a hassle watching it on the Internet.

We get an awesome art gallery that is chock-full of production sketches and poster concept art. This set is incredibly fun to browse through.

There are two commentaries. Honestly, I didn't listen to either one of them. Don't have the time. But, just from the Samurai Jack sets (the second of which will be available soon), I can tell you that Tartakovsky and his team are an engaging listen. Yeah, they're a fun bunch; and if you like audio commentaries, these are probably some of the most informative and entertaining ones you'll find.

So crisp and clean, you could call it fresh produce. This is one of the nicest looking cartoons I've seen in a long while. A delicious eye-treat that is sure to please even the most bitter of Star Wars fans.

It screams like a live action feature film, with all the sound effects and music cues intact. A beautiful, aural experience. To say the least.

The cover work perfectly captures the Star Wars Universe, showcasing Genndy's unique style while holding true to the conceptual ideas we've come to know and love. It's eye-catching artwork that embodies the bulk of its thick trickery. Call it a hue of awesomeness that only hints at the wonders to be found inside.

I just realized that Jar-Jar Binks is a no show in this tight package. Many people see that as a blessing, but I personally feel Jar-Jar embodies everything the new Star Wars films stand for. Like it or not, he is Star Wars. I wish he could have been present, if for only a moment or two. The silly guy has grown on me, and I would have liked to see him participate in the best thing to come out of the Star Wars Galaxy in quite some time. I've enjoyed the Clone Wars DVD more than playing with my action figures behind the couch. This ship is going to spin a million times on my TV screen; that much is guaranteed. Five viewings is just not enough, it's going to take at least fifteen to just get over the sheer rush of the whole thing. Is the cartoon better than the last two movies? Yes. That much is for sure. I love it, and I'm going to keep on loving it until I die. This is hands-down the best DVD of 2005. So far...

Except, as I said, there's no Jar Jar. And that's a bummer.