1 Bring the Entire Cast Back for More Than Just a Cameo
Recasting The Goonies will not be unlike casting for The Little Rascals remake, nearly impossible and a hell of an assignment. The Goonies is nearly 30 years old at this point, and these characters are ingrained into our very fabric of existence. Whoever accepts the challenge of creating new Goondock residents will be tasked with fans comparing and nitpicking them to death. It will be a very tough go for the casting director. The bottom line is, we older fans, who grew up with the movie, don't want new kids at all. But that seems unavoidable. This is a family adventure about kids, for kids. That's fine. Make them the 'A' story. But know at least 80% of us showing interest in this sequel want to see the original cast doing something more than just a cameo. The Goonies 2 was originally envisioned as the sons and daughters of the original Goonies going on their own Indiana Jones-like adventure. That's fine. It even makes sense that they'd be trying to stop a foreclosure on their neighborhood, as that is more of a nightmare now than it was in the 80s. It would give the original gang a reason to reunite as well. And the kids would have a reason to go off on their own, with preoccupied adults trying to solve a similar problem from their youth, having lost the faith in any childhood magic. The old Goondocks gang are the 'B' story. Both teams working to solve the crisis separately, they come together at the end. Everyone is happy. J.J. Abrams realized that cameos for the original cast in Star Wars: Episode VII wasn't going to cut it. Hopefully director Richard Donner, executive producer Steven Spielberg and original writer Chris Columbus (who is participating in some capacity) understand this as well.
2 The Return of Sloth (now played by Derek Mears)
June 17, 1989 was a sad day for Goonies fans everywhere, as Sloth passed away from a prescription drug overdose. Football all-star-turned-actor John Matuszak helped the Raiders win two Super Bowls before bowing out of the profession due to injury. The notorious party animal was named one of the five top all-time 'Bad Boys' of the NFL before parlaying that good time attitude into a Hollywood career. He had no problem finding roles, but his most remembered has to be that of Lotney "Sloth" Fratelli, a deformed and abused pinhead living in a seaside basement, which required make-up that made John all but recognizable. He would continue to make television appearances all the way up until 1989, when he succumbed to acute propoxyphene intoxication. Thing is, most people don't know any of this, and believe in the character of Sloth as something real and magical from their childhoods. While the character might be precious, the person behind the mask certainly is not. Not to undermine the great work on display by Matuszak, but he is not tied to the character in the same way that Robert Englund is tied to Freddy Krueger, or Hugh Jackman is tied to Wolverine. There are plenty of actors who could step in and fill the void. The name at the top of our list is, of course, Derek Mears, who has made a career out of taking and making characters like Sloth something special. He's really the only guy that comes to mind. Maybe you shouldn't mess with the classics, but Hollywood doesn't abide by that rule. Do it right and get Derek Mears under that make-up. Now, the real question is, what has Sloth been doing these past 30 years? Did he go off to live with Chunk? Was he able to forge his own path in life? Or is he sitting in a home for special needs children somewhere, and he needs to be freed? Maybe he's escaped, and the Goondocks gang are the only ones that can save him? I don't know, I'm not writing the movie. But he definitely needs to be here, in some capacity. And not just as a picture on the wall in the background.
3 One Eyed Willie's Legacy Continued (But Not as a Ghost)
We're not looking for a straight up remake, but it certainly seems like there could be more to One Eyed Willie's legacy than the first movie lets on. Continuing the pirate theme is a healthy way to go, and it seems like there might be more to this story hiding up in the Walsh grandfather's attic. Digging through his relics would be a fine way to kick start a new adventure, as long as the movie doesn't go the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull route, delving into mysticism and fantasy. We do not want to see the Ghost of One Eyed Willie coming back to help the kids. That would be horrible, and goes against the themes and tone of the original. But fans adore the history behind the pirate, and he needs to worm his way back into the narrative in a natural, realistic way that makes sense. Having the kids go off on an adventure tied to a different artifact in the Walsh attic, with some sort of new history behind it, seems like a lame way to go. After all, isn't One Eyed Willie sort of an original cast member himself? His ship is still floating around out there in the Pacific Ocean.
4 No CGI Whatsoever!
Ok, that's an exaggeration. Movies today need a little CGI. But The Goonies was a practical affair from top to bottom. It took place on real sets, and on real locations, and that feeling is palpable. An over blown CGI-filled world wouldn't work for this scrappy universe. It needs to be made of dirt and wood, and fake gold coins. And god forbid we get a CGI Sloth, or a mermaid, or an animated octopus. We get it. Times have changed. It's not 1985 anymore. But The Goonies is still awesome. It holds up. And its not burdened with horrible looking computer generated characters. The Goonies 2 doesn't need to be either, especially if it's a true sequel.
5 Shoot it in Astoria
Like One Eyed Willie, Astoria is its own character in the movie. As important as any of the actors. The coastal town brings a wet, chilly, foggy atmosphere that is completely unique and of itself. It looks nothing like Vancouver, Canada. Or anywhere else for that matter. There is something tangible in the Oregon air that gives this small burg something not seen in any other movie. You can feel it surrounding every edge of the frame during those outside scenes. Also, fans know the location by heart, especially the beach and the Walsh house (which has turned into a tourist spot). We'll be able to tell if the movie is shot anywhere else, because nowhere else looks quite like Astoria. The Goonies saved their homes at the end of the first movie. That was the whole goal. It was important to them. If nothing else, we're pretty sure that Mikey grew up there, and still lives there. He never would have moved away.
6 Adam Goldberg (aka Sean Giambrone) as Mikey Jr.
Casting new Goondocks kids is going to be tough, but we already know one kid that should be in the movie. Fans of The Goonies love The Goldbergs (even if some of them don't know it yet). We're already familiar with Sean Giambrone, so we don't have to adjust to some never-before-seen kid trying to win us over through half the movie. He already has. Add to that, he looks enough like Sean Astin to believably play his kid. But if you need real proof, go watch Goldbergs Never Say Die, where he actually assumes the role of Mikey. You can't deny it, he would make a pretty good addition to the cast. It appears to be his destiny!
7 It Must Retain Its Edge!
This is the last thing we'll bother you with. The Goonies is an edgy movie, with smart mouthed kids. It's a tad shocking, more so now than when it came out. It was rated PG-13 for a reason. Hollywood doesn't make kids movies like this anymore. They are afraid to push the edge. But this needs it. The sequel can't be some pussified, weenie, watered down remake of what we loved in the original. It has to take chances, and be a little naughty. It needs to have balls. And a little bad language. We won't stand for any less. Just because it's a kid's movie doesn't mean it needs to be dumbed down. We were kids when we saw the original. Please treat the kids of today with as much courtesy and respect as you did in 1985. Kids are more suave today than every. They don't want a Dora the Explorer version of The Goonies, and neither do adults. Shame on you, Richard Donner, if you actually do this and forget what made The Goonies the Goonies...
Now its time to agree to disagree. Did we make any valid points? Yes, no, maybe? What do you want to see in a Goonies sequel besides Sean Astin and Corey Feldman? The return of the Truffle Shuffle? A cameo from Mouth's Wish Penny? Let us know!